Rendering Into The Summer

It’s only been three days since the summer vacation started, and I am already feeling pretty bored right now, doing nothing other than just lying on my bed and gazing at the ceiling above. While mom is not home, and I am all by myself alone in this empty house, I feel kind of lonely. Actually no, very lonely.

Sometimes I go downstairs and watch TV, but for the most part of the day I stay in my room and read books or lie on my bed gazing at the ceiling with a blank stare.

For now, I was taking my time relaxing on my chair, as I listened to the birds trill, sweetly high, the chorus as playful as the birds themselves. With closed eyes, I imagine their music to be colors, painting stairs in the same way grapevines grow - this way and that, in a beautiful chaos that isn't quite random. All of a sudden my phone wolf-whistled, bringing a conclusion to the calm orchestra.

I slid my hand down to my bed, picking up the phone. “Who might be thinking about me right now?”

It was Yui who had called. I didn’t expect to receive a call from her on a day like this. Well, not like I had anything special to do, so I answered the call, expecting to hear her energetic voice blasting from the other side.

“Yahallo, Yuki!”

“A very unexpected greeting.” The first thing that came to my mind. Can someone tell me, from where did she even learn that? I don’t want to see a greeting like that becoming a trend one day.

“Hi Yui. How very unusual of you, calling me on a day like this.”

“Look outside from your window.” She rambled on, not giving a heed to what I said just now.

I got off from my chair, slid my windows open and peeked outside. Yui was standing right in front of my house, waving at me as she saw me at the window looking at her.

“What are you doing there holed up in that room? Let’s go out for a walk.”

“Are you insane?” Was what I would say, if I were not such a nice person. I didn’t just want to straight up put her down, “Where do you want to go?”

It’s already insane that she walked to my home under this scorching sun, and now she wants to go for a walk, not to mention wants to drag me with her.

I was going to say no to her, but after some time, I realized I was already in front of the front door, putting my shoes on. “Did I just get manipulated by her?”

My hands revolted against my will while trying to turn the doorknob, though another side of me had already made a vow of not letting another moment of my vacation go to the dump. I stepped outside, my eyes blurred by the extreme sunlight. I went down by the elevator, and saw Yui waiting for me in the parking lot.

“My dear Yuki, long time no see.” She grinned as she grabbed my arm.

“Actually, it’s only been 3 days.” I grumped.

“Not like it matters though.”

“So, why do you want to go for a walk in this heat?”

“It’s not a walk, it’s a date.” Her eyes sparkled as she said that. “A date between you and me!”

“Ahhhh, what! A date?” In an instant my cheeks become rose-red, “What do you mean?”

“Just kidding. You’re totally blushing, you know.” She laughed while listening to herself. “I was just feeling lonely at home. So I thought of bringing you along.”

“Don’t crack those weird jokes. And don’t go dragging people without their consent.” I jabbed back at her.

“Just tag along, it will be fun.”

“Sigh. What a drag...”

Now that I think about it, I should’ve brought an umbrella with me, not that I can do anything about it now. We walked to the park together, the entire time Yui had her arms linked around mine. It felt kind of awkward walking together like that, good thing we didn’t pass by anyone on the way. Reaching the park, we couldn’t see a single soul roaming there. Yui and I sat on a bench, typical of the parks, the rosy cedar browns married to the iron that curved into the great arms and grew into ever-blooming flowers to rest on.

“Ah, it’s so hot!” Yui stretched her arms in the air, while taking a deep breath, “Yet also so refreshing.”

She is right, it is quite refreshing. I had finally left the house for the first time after the vacation had begun, even though I was dragged outside without my wish. And there I was thinking that I would have to spend my entire vacation in my room without doing anything.

Yui’s eyes turn towards me, “So, what have you been up to these three days?” Her gaze was consistent, and a bit pricey, “You seem like your soul is about to leave your body.”

“Nothing, I guess. I don’t like to go out that much, and on top of that it’s summer right now.”

Following that, Yui sat there with a blank stare at me, “Don’t stare at me like that.” I humped, turning to the left.

“Ah, sorry, sorry.” Her eyes played for a little, after which she murmured, “It just feels like you were also feeling lonely like me.”

Another silence had befallen for a brief moment, after which she broke off again, with a slightly different tone than before, “You can talk to me if you ever feel lonely. I can always lend you an ear.”

“Glad to hear that.” A silent wave of relief washed over the shore of my face. “To be honest, I was thinking of how I was going to spend the entire summer in my room.”

“Okay, for now let's stop with this gloomy atmosphere.” Yui said as she stood up. “I don’t want to waste the time I finally got with you by just dilly-dallying. Let’s do something…”

Just as she was about to end, out of nowhere, an ice-cream van pulled over like a welcome surprise of the summer day, with a sweetness of summer fun.

“Yuki, wanna have some ice-cream.” She pulled my arm, without waiting for my reply.

I got up and followed her to the van. It’s a summer delight, waffle cones made tall with three scoops and toppings galore. They were storybook perfect, gelato and summer, the sweetest of any summer memory.

With our ice-creams on hand, we plopped down on the swings. We ebbed back and forth on the swings, forwards, backwards, forwards, backwards, and along with the musical creak, we both talked our hearts out. It was the giggles that were the sails of our boat, the laughter, the small talks, even in this harsh weather, blooming like spring flowers.

Without realizing, we were at the closure of the day, as if some god had graffitied rainbow-flame upon the evening sky.

“Let’s call it a day, then.” Yui stood up on her feet. “I had a great time today.”

“Me too, I enjoyed it a lot.” I reared up from the swings too. “Maybe we could come here again soon.”

“Then the next time, shall we go on a date?”

“You can stop with that now.”

We both giggled, as we went our own ways. By now, the last sun-rays had already kissed goodbye to the heath land. Each wall of concrete was identical to the other one, dyed with the seeping light of dusk, without an identifying marker to differentiate them. I would walk all the way, my heart beat all it wanted, but my eyes couldn’t look away from the fleeting daylight that broke through the canopy above.

The door was unlocked when I had arrived, evading that mom was already back home. I opened the door and walked inside, where mom was sitting there in the living room, warmly greeting me as I came in.

“Welcome home, honey.” Her warm smile welcomed my gaze, while my body slammed upon the couch beside her.

“Where have you been for so long?”

“I went to the park with Yui.” I replied.

“Well, I am happy that you finally left home after the vacation had begun.” She bubbled. “I thought just like last year-”

“Stop with fretting over the past. I am okay now.” I squelched through her murmurs, almost forcefully. “And I have friends now, with whom I can spend time with.”

Even after Kaoru’s death, I braved the coldest of winters down on my own blankets. But the summer never changed. I was willing to shift to a different town. But my heart was still broken. Nothing ever returned to how it was before. But I was still alone. All alone…alone.

But now it was different. I’m not alone now, there are people who will reach out to the heat of my heart. Sakura made me feel that, Yui made me feel that, they made me feel that I’m alive.

“What’s for dinner today.” I asked, before stepping out from the living room.

“I haven’t thought about anything yet.”

“Okay, I’ll be in my room. Call me when dinner’s ready.”

I went back to my room to get a change of clothes, and then went to deluge in the shower. Getting fresh. I went to the balcony, and stood there silently while gazing at the city lights. It told the story of the people with its colors, and ever glowing like a constellation of lights, each one a star of the Earth.

It feels weird, sort of scary in fact. Even though the scenery in front of me is so beautiful, it strikes a fear deep inside me.

“What is this feeling, I wonder?” I place my palm over my chest, trying to grasp that feeling of fear.

My heart wavers feeling that unexpectedly crippling pain. I can’t tell what this feeling is, nor can I know the reason for feeling like this. All I can tell that the empty black sky, like a void, a new moon night, was resonating inside of me.