Another Y(o)ui

       The rhythm of soles upon the blacktops street plays well within my heart, as if its song was woven with the ground.

“Do you have any other plans for the future, Yui?” I asked.

“Not like I’ve thought of any.” She lamented, “And we’ll be going on a family trip next week. So I guess I won’t have a chance to go somewhere with you after that.”

“A trip, yeah, that sounds very good.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll see through that you have a good summer vacation!”

“Hearing that much is good for me. If I look at it this way, both you and Sakura are quite similar.” My words dribbled over the flux of air, as buoyant as my lips could cinch, “Whenever I talk with the both of you, my heart feels a bit of lighter, as if the things that were weighing on my heart suddenly fade away.”

Suddenly, Yui caught her pace in the still wind, ignoring what I just said. In a fraction of a second, my nose picked a totally different mood around her. I kept my lips shut, and followed her silently.

Just when we reached the turn, Yui suddenly stopped midway, swiveling her feet my way. Her eye's gazelle like an impossible build up steam, burning me on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end.

She stepped one step towards me.

“Yui, what’s wrong?”

With another step, she got even closer to me, though not responding to anything I just said.

“Yui…”

Yui jolted her arms towards me, shoving me by the wall before I could finish. Both her arms balked me from both sides. Her eyes screamed of anger, pain, sadness - so intertwined that perhaps their names ought to be tweaked to reflect the true origins of those emotions.

“Yui, what’s wrong?” I bemoaned, “Let go of me.”

“Why did you lump me with her?” She pulled herself closer to me, locking me in her gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you lump me with Sakura?” She got even closer, feeling the air nudging my face along her words.

I had seen it in her eyes first, then the tension in her muscles, an indifference in her emotions. Though those nettled eyes were more a pain untold, and I wish I could tell it to her. I couldn’t turn an inch, her face canopied over my shoulder. Her breath had an art form, rising and falling with the sedative qualities of a lullaby. Everything around us was so quiet that I could hear it clearly.

“What are you even saying, Yui?”

A smile creeps Yui’s face, as she simply lets it sit there.

“Sakura and I are not the same, so don’t you dare call us similar.” She muttered right by my ears, “I’m nothing like that parasite”

“Aren’t you two good friends, you two got along so well.” I babbled, falling on my knees. “Even when we went to her home last time, you were behaving so friendly towards her.”

“Friendly, you say? That’s just mere sympathy.” Her eyes widened, blustering over her voice with the same creepy smile. “Yeah you heard it right, I was just sympathizing with that parasite, nothing else.”

“But weren’t you two friends?” I pulled my eyes up at her, as my voice cracked

She stepped back, letting me shift back upon my feet.

“Don’t call us friends. We aren’t, never were, and never will be.”

“Are you feeling alright…” My voice trembled, as well as my eyes going briny, “Yui?”

“Yuki, everything I said just now, promise me…” She looks at me like the fire in her eyes has been doused with ice water, if anything it makes the blue more pale. I'm not used to it, it unnerves me. It was just in a fraction of a second, but as if she just crawled right back inside some invisible shell and no matter how hard I try she's unreachable.

“You won’t tell anyone!”

“I still can’t understand…” I replied, my mind still hazed of the situation I am in right now.

“You just need to uphold your part of the promise, and everything will go back to the way you always knew.” She lowered her voice to an uncomfortable level, while pressing onto each of her words, “Or are you saying you can’t.”

“I just can’t underst-”

“Just say it!” She wailed, ravaging my ears through the still air.

“But, why?”

“And why may it be?” Her eyes move slowly, like they're heavy, an effort to conclude. “To let this doll-house-play continue…”

I felt like I was drowning here, water gushing from all around me. I don't want to keep standing. This force pressing down on me, I want to give in to it and surrender. I don't want to move at all.

But, I can’t tell what my heart wants. There were a jumbled of emotions in me, all lying there like

“Okay, I’ll play along.”

“Good, just what I wanted to hear.” She clasped her hands, wearing a loose smile over her lips, “Okay then, I can go alone from here. You can head back home now.”

I didn’t say anything in return, only waiting for her to leave my sight, until I was alone. The leaves move in a breeze and the soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter, soothes my mind. Yet the tiredness that began a while ago remains like a veil over my skin, gray and cold. And as I watch the petals and the twigs that sway, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy. It sits like winter rain on my skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside. Now I just let it come, drop by drop and I feel like it is an ocean falling upon me instead of rain - that the grief condensed right above my head breaks into a cloud large enough to block the sun.

Even the same old ceiling in my room seemed so mysterious. The still air in the room became an invisible, intangible parade of rainbow swirled bubbles, the bubbles were like transient mirrors, reflecting all the thoughts playing in my mind. It was like yesterday, all three of us were having such a fun time together. Yeah, together. But now, even that yesterday feels like an eternity.

“A parasite…” I murmured, flinging my hands in the air, though only giving an unexpected levity to the bubbles in their wingless flight.

“Though you two are such good friends… After all that, smiles, shrugs, laughter, don’t give me that.” It felt like if my soul could bleed an ocean through my eyes, it could ease the enormity of my tears.

I still can’t believe everything that seemed so perfect till now was nothing but a puppet show for her. In truth, I always knew that it’s not subjective, yet as with a recipe, it has many ‘ingredients’ that form it. But what appeared to me, it was the ‘truth,’ though it wasn’t. While I was just looking from the side of the puppet stage where the light was shining brightly, I didn’t realize that the shadow cast from that light was far darker than I could ever imagine.

From Yui’s eyes I guess I would’ve seen a different ingredient, a totally different truth, though it’s hard to believe so. The truth sometimes hurts, and I knew that, but the only thing that I can think of now is running away. If I try to face the truth this time, like that time when I tried to face the truth of Kaoru’s death, then it will just break down everything, even this puppet stage, which I so dearly wanted to hold onto.