Mordantly Funny Mess

CHAPTER TEN

PART ONE

Is that really how I feel about Kyashii?

“. . . . . . . .”

I realize it’s a logical assumption, but just h-how?

How in the world is that even possible?!

I mean, what chance could I possibly see Kyashii in that light if the idea of romance is as dull as ditchwater to me?! I know I like her because she’s my best friend, someone I cherish the most, but to look at her in a romantic—

Ro-Romantic... romance... dating... lo-lover...

Heh?!

No… No… No... Nooo! This doesn’t seem right at all!

Aaaahhh!

Really... What am I to make of this?!

Haaaah...

I should have known better than to ask myself that double-edged question! Of course... just as I expected, I have no idea where I’m supposed to start making sense of all this.

But still...

Hmm...

Kyashii has been my best friend since freshman year. I care about her, I lo-… I like her in a way that makes me think of her as my dearest friend. In a friendly sense, yes! Even if everything feels natural when I’m with her, I never considered a romantic capacity between us. Being best friends naturally grants us a certain familiarity and ease with each other.

Keeping that in mind, it is for this reason that I paid little attention to all the teasing I’ve got from people around us about how they refer to my closeness with Kyashii. Up to this point, I’ve soft-pedaled all the horsing around, particularly about being Kyashii as my wife, since I have never entertained the idea of taking a liking to anyone yet, and I definitely haven’t got the slightest hint of malice toward my best friend.

But now…

Following that kiss...

I have no choice but to confront that thought, being how everything about it overwhelmed me.

Can I really consider my reactions to her kiss a telltale that I like her in that sense? Then again... I’m not ruling out that my mental faculties may have drifted away on that second kiss because what happened in the game still left me lost at sea. And I’m pretty sure my mind went blank when Tomoka kissed me, too, so getting caught on the hop shouldn’t be an issue here.

Since Kyashii is my best friend, she might have sparked excitement in me over the sensation of a strange kind of kiss this time, which might have influenced how I took a response to it.

Y-Yeah! It could be the case, right?? That makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? After all, that was just a spur-of-the-moment kiss. Perhaps it’s merely the excit—

Ah-re??

Wait… Excitement??

But w-why on this planet would I be thrilled by it in the first place??

“. . . . . .”

Aarrgghhh!

I couldn’t help but pound my head as I reflected on how things were with Kyashii at this point. With where I am, it’s starting to feel like I don’t have the ability to grasp what I’m trying to say.

Guuhhh!

I wasn’t expecting this kind of change when I thought before I had an inkling some significant changes were ahead of us. Quite bluntly, what is happening is a recipe for disaster on the horizon!

I’m losing it! Arrgh!

Haaah…

What if I’m just experiencing these emotions and thoughts as a chain reaction to a lot that has happened in the last few days concerning Kyashii and that I’m simply pulling myself into it?

The feeling of liking someone could also be a transient emotion, right? Human emotions are fleeting and temporary, after all. Even if Kyashii can evoke a wide range of emotions in me, that doesn’t necessarily confirm I think of her that way, does it?

“. . . . . .”

Ugh!

What makes people realize they are into someone, more so if it’s a friend of the same gender?

To the best of my knowledge, liking someone entails feeling at ease in the person’s presence, having the desire to spend time together with them, and eventually wishing to claim them as yours through a relationship or other forms of ownership.

In my case, I’m comfortable with Kyashii because I’ve always considered her my best friend. I didn’t even imagine us dating, let alone owning her. I think that’s a little excessive.

There may be times when my selfishness gets the best of me, and I say things like I’d be jealous if she had less time for our friendship once she had a lover, but that is because I recognize a bitter pill in that, how lonely I get when that happens. However, that in no way implies I wish to keep her for myself or forestall her from having romantic relationships with someone else. Quite the opposite, I want her to be happy with someone she sincerely likes, and it just so happens that she already has one.

“. . . .”

Y-Yeah... Her heart already beats for s-someone.

Haaah…

I’m aware that these emotions are trying to tell me something, but I’m equally worried I’ll mistake them. Back then, I asserted that emotions are clues to how we feel. Disappointingly, I’m utterly clueless about how to interpret such hints. I can’t just say that’s how it is, right? All of this is new to me. It’s as if I’m in a weird space where I have no idea how things work.

Yet, it’s not just something I can ignore.

Where do I even start to draw a line here so I can tell with certainty that I feel that way about Kyashii? Where my feelings for her as a friend end, and where my presumed affections in a romantic sense begin is a murky area. There’s not much of a clear-cut line between those two.

Haaah...

Maybe it’ll be much less complicated if it’s not about my best friend, right? Perhaps it’d be much more straightforward if it was someone from a different class who isn’t my friend... but this is Kyashii; the reality isn’t exactly plain sailing.

I don’t want to set another false impression that would hurt our friendship. A single blunder in my judgment and I’m doomed to destroy something important to me.

Uungghh...

If I don’t think about this thoroughly, it’s probably something I’ll regret in the eleventh hour. The first step is to make sure that all of my presumptions hold water and that I am not confusing one thing for another.

But how, exactly?

In what way can I see what’s what of this situation and be clear about it? Hmm? What are the chances of finding anything helpful online?

Ugh...

What a pathetic me...

S-Something about this makes me want to cry. Uhhhnnn... I am overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness and stupidity. How did even I end up in this quandary?

“. . . . . .”

Heh!

A chuckle of mockery passed through me as I reflected on this mordantly funny mess I found myself in.

My conviction that a logical route can solve romance complications speaks volumes about my ignorance and foolishness, huh? I might have made the best joke ever for myself with that one. To make matters worse, I was rather pleased to tell others about it.

But now, here I am... I can’t even explain to myself how I truly feel about my best friend.

Yeah...

Definitely funny...

The joke is on me, I guess.

•──────•❁•──────•

“Owh~! Yu-chin~!... Welcome back! Man... you sure did take your time out in the open air, eh? Everyone had already taken showers by the time you came in.” Tomoka’s beaming grin stood in the way of the door to my room.

Sheesh... Just looking at her face already tells me where she’s going with this.

“Would you please step aside, Tomoka?” I deadpanned. “I need to get ready for the shower as well.”

“Nope, not until you fill me in on the details of what went down there, yeah?” Her grin stretched as she set her hands on my shoulders.

“That sounds like an effort, so no.” I’m out of my energy reserves for today. I just want to finish everything up and retire to bed. “Come on... I’ve got to take a shower.”

“Na-uh! Motion rejected, Yu-chin~! I need to know the nitty-gritty first.”

“Hey... Seriously... I’m too lazy to even breathe right now, so don’t ask that of me.” I frowned. She’s not going to let this slide easily, is she? “You could have saved yourself time if you had asked Kyashii after she came back.”

“Boo! How could I possibly do that? Mikami-san completely ignored us when we asked what happened, Yu-chin!” Tomoka sounds like she’s telling on Kyashii. “She seemed to forget our presence when she walked into the shower! She looked like a soaring soul flying all over the clouds! Haa! That certainly adds to the intrigue, yeah?!” Her brows lifted and then dropped. “Now, lay it bare, Yu-chin~!”

I took a deep breath. “Don’t you think you’re being nosy, Tomoka?”

“Yu-chin, keep in mind that being nosy is part of my responsibility as your friend. Hm-hm!”

“Say what?? Tch! What a twisted responsibility.”

“Another thing, what I saw is something I cannot overlook!” Tomoka flapped. “I just can’t this time, sorry not sorry! Ohoho!”

Haaah... She’s annoying. “Anyway, where has Kyashii gone?”

“Oow! Your whole being is already missing her. I see… I see…” She gave a couple of nods.

“Haaah? I was just wondering what she was up to since I didn’t see her in the living room with Minori and Nazumi-san.”

“Well, that’s because she’s on the phone.” Tomoka gestured to my room’s balcony. “As soon as she stepped out of the shower, she immediately started chatting with someone. Umm? In fact, she’s been on the phone for a while now, huh? She didn’t even bother putting on her pajamas first; she’s still in her bathrobe.” She then rubbed her chin with her fingertips. “Now, I’m curious who she’s chatting to. That seems like a pretty important phone call, yeah?”

This girl makes my head spin even more. “You are indeed nosy. That might be someone from her family checking on her.” I clucked my tongue. “All right now... let me in. I’ll get you your keepsake as well.”

“Woah! Really?! Let me have it, Yu-chin~!” Her eyes were suddenly glowing with delight.

“Wait here a moment. And don’t try to sneak up behind me.” It looks like my attempt to deflect her attention about the kiss worked for the time being.

“Yoossh! The element of surprise! Got it! Yu-chin, you’re the best!”

“Yeah... Yeah...” I could only sigh as I walked over to my chest of drawers. It might be best to give Tomoka’s keepsake this very minute. So many thoughts are racing through my head right now that I might forget if I don’t give it to her in the shortest time possible.

Hmm?

I overheard Kyashii’s unintelligible voice from the balcony. That call must be all-important for her to stay on the line for so long.

I shrugged my shoulders despite myself and grabbed the gift bag.

Now then...

Let’s give this to that snoopy girl on the door.

“Here… It’s not something unique, but I hope you like it, Tomoka.” I ended up with a sheepish smile.

“Yoossh! Many thanks, Yu-chin!” Tomoka’s beaming like a child as she takes the item from my hand. “Can I open it right here?!”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Yeaaah!” She’s bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as she opens up the gift packet. “Wooah! A handcrafted dry-pressed sakura flower encrusted in a gemstone glass bracelet! A purple leather strap completes the look! This is pretty!” She slipped it around her wrist right away. “Yu-chin, have you used this before? I don’t think you’re a fan of ornamental bands, though.”

“Yeah, I had that as a sort of good luck charm in my third year of middle school.”

“Oooh! Nice! I love it! It looks great on my wrist, wouldn’t you say, Yu-chin??” Tomoka flaunted the bracelet with zeal.

“Yes... I’m glad you like it.” A sigh of relief escaped me.

“Of course, Yu-chin! Who wouldn’t want to have this?! Plus, it’s a precious gift from you. Now... Hm-hm! As a token of gratitude, how about a kiss from me, too?” She cheekily puckered her lips at me.

In next to no time, Tomoka’s lips caught my eye.

“. . . . . .”

Those lips already landed on mine. Though I’d rather not have Tomoka kiss me again, I didn’t find it particularly repulsive either. But... I doubt I can kiss her the way I kissed Kyashii back.

Hmm…

More than that, I wonder if Tomoka feels comfortable kissing her other friends. She kissed me purely out of her daring nature and wrong-headed curiosity. And now, I’m curious if she kissed other girls after that.

“Awww~! What gives, Yu-chin? Will I take your gluey stare as a yes?” Tomoka giggled as she drew her face closer to mine, her arms wide open.

“Hey, Tomoka…” I nudged her head away as I locked a stern gaze on her. “I’m not trying to offend you or anything, but by any chance... do you like girls that way?”