Short Idea, Long Thoughts

*Fireplace Cackling*

Inside a cozy little room was a person in an armchair. In front of this fireplace, he would narrate a story. He was called the 'narrator' in this situation. But the role he was originally supposed to take was of a character. His name was Jaden.

"You can also call me Jade." He spoke mid-narration.

In this space of his, there is no time nor bounds. Time does not matter and the room goes infinitely if that is what he wishes for. But in times of narration, he keeps it small and cozy for when he tells a story.

Alas. For a narrator, he has not been narrating many stories, and he was not able to take part in the story he was supposed to be in. All for the reasons of the 'writer's lack of motivation.

The 'writer' is called so as they are the one who writes stories. But they have not written many due to their lack of motivation. They don't even consider themselves a true writer.

"Jade. Jaden. Jaden. Jade. Jade. Jaden. Jade. Jaden. Jade. Jaden Raven. Raven Jadey? Jade Raven? Are you done narrating? Everything!? You done?!" Says the impatient 'writer'. "Ain't my fault you taking your time!"

"It isn't mine as well for your indecision to when to step in." The 'narrator' smirks as he take a sip of his tea.

"You not wrong but I'm not good at writing stuff, alright? I just write stuff randomly from my random ideas. *heavy sighs* Which is what I came to speak to you with."

"Go on, be my guest." He responds.

"I'm sad. I love my ideas but I cannot write it. Just because I'm not motivated to. And I got some new although small ideas that I wish to include in it. But I haven't even written the other ideas into the book chapters yet! I'm not even done STARTING the book! Or rather re-starting it! Sometime I feel like that will never happen. I will never fulfill this dream that I gave myself because I don't even want to live but people are being so overrated with living is great that they don't see that I'm suffering being alive or at least that's how I see it but I don't even know what people actually think but no matter what they think, that is how I think they think if they can't understand me but I can't understand myself either or the NATURE of life!" The girl finishes as she pants from lack of breathing after her long unpaused sentence. "Am I saying too much."

"You know I don't mind." He stated the obvious. "But you should speak in smorter sentences so that the reader can catch up to what you are trying to say. Besides, that may be too much information at once for them to take in. With that negative point of view, and then that nihilistic one. You should know that there are people like you who aren't as willing to read something or rather someone's thoughts containing such saddening or upsetting things."

"Yeah. But I don't know. I just spoke my mind that's all. I don't know what I can say or can't say. And I have preferences to what I want to say or not and when I want it." She responds.

"But you are also as confused to what you want to say and when. Which is the reason you blurt out everything when you can't handle your own thoughts. You wish for someone to process them for you, don't you?"

"What are you? My psychiatric? I suppose? I mean, I don't really know. I don't know anything."

"That is what you assume because if you claimed to be sure about your answer, someone might correct you and that would make you unhappy if you were to be wrong. That is also why call yourself the 'writer' instead of claiming to be one confidently."

"Well, how can I claim to be one if I am not even sure if I like writing or not? I am a writer in technicality as in I wrote things but I don't know if I like writing or have written enough to actually be called one."

"You worry for such details that other would probably say that you are overthinking it and that you worry for nothing."

"In such a complicated world, I haven't experienced many things yet this small life of mine is already stressing me to the point I don't want to be alive. Or at least, that's what I think. Am I stress or anxious? Am I trully feeling those or am I exaggerating? I feel like people would say that I am! That I am being too dramatic or stuff like that! And that makes me sad. Makes me feel like I can't trust to speak to anyone. I feel like they'd only judge me and not respect my freedom of thoughts. It's not my fault that I think like that or prefer to think like that. Is it? Maybe it is? Or it is my fault because I am born this way? Or maybe I've lived in a way or environment in which I ended up like that? Which will still be my fault because I am the cause of my own consequences. (Along with everything that exists around me or that has happened in the life that I have known.) But I don't think I can blame anybody. Besides, pointing fingers would lead to nowhere. What I have to do. Or at least, what I have been told is to change, bla bla bla. Which I don't want to. I mean, why do I have to change if I rather live the way I prefer to and stuff like that? I mean, sure. It's unhealthy for me to be sad and all and not wishing to be alive, but like, it's just wrong to change though that's just how I see it and I know you don't understand what I mean and me neither, I don't understand what I'm trying to say, but-"

"All right. Calm down, little 'writer.' You are overworking yourself with thoughts you don't even wish to think about. And more importantly, you are running out of thoughts." He snickered.

*Puff out cheeks* "Ain't my fault I can't keep up with my own thoughts! Besides, I am very very very very conflicted with what should I think. It's the "what is right or wrong" situation all over again even thought I've already went with the "nothing is right or wrong, just what people prefers" conclusion. But like, if I put it that way, it's like I'm saying there's nothing wrong with someone who is mentally ill or someone who wants to kill. Ay! That rhymes!
Seriously, though. I don't understand anything in mental illness and psychology. But people say it has to be healed. People say it's not the right way to live. And I guess I wouldn't like someone to die by the hands of someone who wants to kill. I don't want anyone to die at all! Ironic coming from someone who doesn't want to live but ya know. It do be like that."

"No, I don't know what you are trying to say." The 'narrator' says sarcastically with a mocking smile.

"Though, he doesn't have any other smile than his poker face smile." The 'writer' added to the narration.

"Well. All that is just a description for the reader to understand my current emotions and feelings." He responds.

"But like. Right or wrong. Good or bad. How can I know which one? There's no one on earth that isn't free of sin. We all technically have or had feelings that made us not such a nice person or at least have felt negative feelings toward other people haven't we? Some people rather kill than to die and some rather die than to kill. It's so complicatedly annoying."

A moment of silence has taken place for the 'writer' to empty her mind.

"Let's change back the topic. As you were saying, you were having new ideas for your story. What is it? Would you mind to share with whoever comes across this conversation of ours?" The 'narrator' asked.

"Correction: small ideas. And I'd rather not. I don't trust these human beings who can be pleasant folks but among them could be mean people who steal ideas! ..." She paused in a short silence as she knows what she is about to say next. "Even though I know that these ideas don't have to belong to me. Anyone could think of them. Humans despite having differences, they also have similarities whether it is in appearance or in mind and personality. As for their point of view, I am still unsure if they can resemble each other as I believe that it is impossible to see and think like someone else does. Because you are constantly in your own consciousness. Are we not?"

"I cannot confirm your thinking as I also share the same mind as you. Being a character created by you."

"Said the 'narrator' with an apathetic smile as he does not really care."

"Well, that is how you made me after all." He responds to her narration.

"What I was trying to say with the similarities stuff is that, I am like them and some thoughts like "using another person's idea" can come across my mind. Not that I want to do it the "Heh heh heh! It's mine! Imma steal it!" kinda way. But the "that is such a great idea! I want to do something like that too! I want to try a story in this theme/trope/category! *worries* Ugh. But what if people think it's too much like that story and says that I'm copying and/or not creative? But I really want my story to be like that! I can't help it!" kinda way.
I mean. If I compare it to dragons and princesses. A lot of stories have dragons and princesses yet they can be individually different and liked for another reason, being a different story in a different scenario, a different environment with different characters.
Okay, but my problem is. What if people copy/steal my story exactly what I wrote and claim it as theirs?! They just copy and change the name or some details. I'd be so sad! *ugly crying*"

The 'narrator' pat the girl's back and comforts her.

"All right. Calm down. No one will steal your story. At least, even if they did, you wouldn't know."

"He said with such spiteful smile that the 'writer' gives him pissed expression."

"Besides, you know that what the world does is out of your reach. It isn't for you to command. And worrying wouldn't help at all. How will you share your story if you don't risk it?" He asked.

"Well. I at least ain't revealing it here. I'll write the story myself. Because that is what I should do right? It's not like someone else can represent the story better than the person who thought it, right? *sigh* If it was possible, I'd wish someone could form it for me. I'd still be the person thinking for...the main ideas. But I'd want them to write it for me in actually organised sentences/script/diaglogues. Or better! Make a comic or manga out of it! Make an anime! But as a negative person, I stay down to earth because PEOPLE say not to dream too much. I suppose the higher you are in the sky, the higher you fall and hurt yourself. That is why I try to at least write it into a book.
Speaking of which. I don't know if I've specified what my dream was or not earlier but, that dream is to write my story. And by "my story", I don't mean my life. I mean a story of fictions thought by my mind. At first, I didn't care. But I thought "why not?" Since people always say to have a dream is good, to have a goal, to have a reason to live for. And since I don't want people to annoy me with me not having a dream and being nihilistic. I'm using the "my dream is to write my story" as an excuse to tell if someone ever asked me so they don't think that I'm close to wanting to die. Sure, I don't want to live. But not to that point I'd actually commit self-unalive! Plus, I don't think it's a good thing. I don't know if I'm just materialistic but it feels like such a waste. Like how I feel when I'm wasting my life not studying, not graduating, not working, not earning money so that I can live, not living correctly, not eating healthily, not be able to save up money to buy things that can give me joy and have a fulfilled life whether it be doing my dream or living life the way I want, although I am living life kinda the way I want, or at least, that I prefer. Sorry, that was too long of an example.
But at the same time, this dream is fully an excuse. I do want my story to become a completed and developed story for other people to enjoy. I want to see that there are people who enjoy this story as much as I do. But, oh well. I suppose it can't be helped. I'll be the only one liking it without anyone to share with. I'm lonely... ;w;"

The 'narrator' chuckles at her long explanation.

"I wouldn't say I love stories. But I am at least a bit slightest fascinated by it. My life has not gone far but stories. From children to adults. There children's books, comic books, novels, manga, anime, movies, TV shows, real life stories, fictional stories, historical stories, made-up stories. I know many of them are the same but you get what I mean don't you? Some may not be as pleasant or liked but what I'd like is to have a story of my own that I like. And those are the stories that I have. The stories made up with my own ideas and inspiration. I really don't have many stories written. But still, there are some of them that I have liked very much and would wish to share with people and see them be as excited and happy as I am when I thought of them. I want someone to share my joy that mine wouldn't only last for a very short while. When the joy is shared, it feels like mine can come back again as pride. I'd be proud of my stories." She stopped into silence as her mind became empty and she doesn't know what else to say.

"Stories sure are fascinating. Speaking of which, that is role you have given me in that story of yours. To be the being that is interested in stories so much that I mess with people's life to make it interesting." He said with a villainous smile.

"Yes. A neutral evil or an evil neutral is what you are. You are a being that cannot leave this time-space that has no time nor bounds. In this place you can stretch, with no time passing you do not age. You read books from these endless shelves of your world, books of fictions, books of non-fiction. And in these stories, you-"

"Are you sure you want to continue? Are you not afraid that someone steals your idea?"

"He says with a smile of mockery." Narrates the 'writer.' "Well, since I've already gone so far with your description, why not? At least, they'd learn more about you. And even if they copy you, they'll never have the actually Jaden from my mind. You are mine."

"You sound like you are claiming me as your boyfriend." He chuckles.

"Fekh off! Even if I imagine you as a charismatic and attractive male, I ain't want you as my boyfriend. You evil as sh*t! Joking! Or at least half-joking? Ya ain't ideal and not the one I want. I have eyes for someone else as well as other people.
...
Why can't I just like one person? ._."

"Well, each person has their own charm."

"I hate that people don't respect the fact that I want to love a fictional character! I know that nothing's gonna happen but I don't care! I just want to genuinely love him and don't care about other things! It's not like I want to be in a relationship anyway! Besides, we don't have to be together, get married, have children, to be happy, right?! Some people aren't happy! Some people don't have children! (well, they can adopt.) Some people aren't married or have a partner! And some people are happy without some things in their life! Love is something to miss from life is it? It's not life not having love will kill us right? It will only kill our bloodline if we don't have any relatives. But then, what if all humans are the same? Doesn't matter. We ain't instinct and instinction isn't my worry. At least, I don't want to. Dude, instinction, hunger, racism, war, natural disaster, road accidents, any accident, murderers, corrupted people, governments, terrible business/boss/workers/people, struggling to be alive?/strugling to find happiness?, global warming, the sun exploding, the galaxies collapsing, animals cannibalising, people cannibalising, the cruel world, bombs? Robbery? Mugging, stealing, ramson, virus, identity theft, unsafe internet, dangerous neighbourhood, bullying, cyberbullying, homophobics, and etc because my mind is running blank. All those things worries me already so I'm going to stop thinking. Because, why should I worry if I ain't gonna do anything about it? I'm not saying I want to purposefully ignore it, but at least I don't want to think about it 24/7 and make myself miserable by self-pitying from not doing anything and worrying about it. All right?"

...

"Are you sure about publishing this as a story? There might not be as much people on earth enough to have at least a percent to not dislike it as you think there is." Says the 'narrator.'

"Well. I was actually expecting better conversations and less pessimisim or nihilism from myself. But oh well. I like it when I'm honest even if not all will agree to my point of view. After all, not everyone will agree. And that if fine. I hope to find this friend who I might get along that may not reject me like how I would reject others if they aren't of my prefered list of people to get along with. Someone who'd respect me for the way I am. I may not be very accepting, but there can be others who can, right? Or that are. Rather than picking people by the things we know of them, I suppose that the best is that they find each otherby actually getting along than forcing a friendship or relation. I don't know if I believe in bonds or not, but they seem so magical and wholesome in TVs and other stories."

"All right, back to our topic. You don't want to bore your readers, do you?"

"Right. Sorry, I sidetrack very very very easily. So. About Jaden. He is a being who reads books in an infinite space without time. A cursed space that other characters have in my story Cursed For Life. (That I am currently trying to rewrite.) Jaden reads those book and is able to interact with its story. He doesn't change a whole story plot, but he is able to make a sort of human doll or puppets that he manipulates in the concerned story. And with that puppet bearing a poker faced smile, he makes events happen with interacting with the people of the stories. All he needs to do is to speak to them for something to happen. Manipulation with words, information that can lead to consequences that will not look pretty. If you get the jigs of it.

One example is a story of three people. That one is inspired by the- hold on. Is it going to be a spoiler if I say it?! Let's not name any anime. Let's say a servant and a master that is very close. A strong bond they have! And I cry as the servant dies. Okay, so that's the inspiration. As for my story, it's a story of a love triangle? Is that what we call? Is it just polyamory? Either way, they're three in the relationship. I wonder if people will reject that? I mean, there are already polyamorous relationship in real life, right? It's not wrong right? And even if it is, I don't want to worry about it and just hope people not to hate fiction and says that it's going to influence people and all. *sigh* Why are humans so annoying? If I have to be part of these people, whether they are right or wrong, I'd rather not be human if that means to rejects the 'wrong.' If I am not loved by god, then okay. I'll just go cry in my bed."

"Do you even believe in a god?"

"Not yet. I haven't been taught to believe in a god and it's hard to believe something you haven't seen. Not to mention that I already don't believe things that I see. But I'd rather not ignore its existence either in case they are real. I personally think that existence is a burden. But it is also very important. I would like people to know that I exist. That I am a being that lives that matters. That my feelings matters! The same goes for god, deities, demons, angels, aliens, fictional creatures, fictional characters, alternative world, etc. Although I do want to care for them, I just hope not cruel people will kill me and anyone that is exist or don't exist? No death!"

"You do know people are dying everyday even without a killer, right?"

"I know, I know. Stop your cheeky smile. Sheesh!

Sometime, I wonder if I am trully considerate, thoughtful, overthinking, or forcing myself to try to be considerate so I could be a likable person. Do I actually care or not? Am I actually kind? People say I'm kind but I don't feel convinced by myself. What if I'm only kind because of a not kind reason? A selfish reason? A reason of getting a benefit? I want to care for people without wanting a benefit from them. I want a genuine bond. ..."

"What do you think?"

"He said with an arrogant smile." The 'writer' narrates. "How should I know? Also, bruh. I'm pretty sure 3/5 of this chapter is going to be me speaking with my long sentenced negativity of lack of correct english syntaxes."

"That can't be helped. If only you could have done better at school." The 'narrator' chuckled mockingly.

"I don't hate english or the teacher or studying. But I don't like studying very much. I did used to try until I felt like studying is pointless because I don't want to learn and I don't want to work. Very much trashy of a person aren't I?"

"Now. Don't be too hard on yourself because no one will pity you."

"Why am I harsh with myself with my own character?!"

"Back to topic, shall we?"

"Right. One example of your victim is the girl in this three person relationship. The story goes like that. Master and servant strong bond. Servant dies and master sad. Plus that girl who isn't related to them in any way. She. Is. A total stranger. But she feel bad for them and so, she sacrifices herself to revive that servant. How does this girl know about their sad event and how to revive a man? THIS GUY!" The girl points rudely at the 'narrator.'

"I was simply doing what you tasked me to do." He chuckles cheekily.

"*Grumbles grumbles.*"

"For a girl who is a nobody like you, it would not be easy for her to know about those people and to revive the dead without my help." He chuckles.

"And since you are an otherworldly being, of course you'd know anything. Someone who seek for thrills. Of course you'd mess with people's life."

"By messing, you mean me opening roads to other opportunities to them? They simply chose that road themselves, did they not?"

"He continues his poker faced smile but I could see "smirk" written all over it." The 'writer' narrated. "I call that manipulation! That's manipulation! By making them aware, it corrupts their thoughts! But then... Isn't that what everyone does? Not corrupt. But manipulate each other into learning whether it's basic needs or emotional feelings. We made ourselves believes that the words we speak are languages and stuff just because a lot of people speaks it. It's like fake it till you make it and now that everyone has seen it, they USE it!"

"Boy, you are overthinking it." The 'narrator' chuckles.

"Yeah. Anyways. The story of those three is that the master and servant bore a curse ever since the servant has been revived. I haven't decided wether it should be because of the girl or not, but the girl after sacrificing herself because a soulless spirit. Which might not make any sense to the people who are knowledged in body, spirit, and soul. But I am not very good at understand despite doing researches on Google. Okay, so the girl is a ghost, and JADEN, not only was the one who caused her to be a ghost. But also summoned HER to protect those two for a mission to cure their from their curse."

"I can't wait for that to happen. It's very unfortunate that you are stuck at the first chapter."

"I don't pray or pray to a god but I don't know any other things I can say but "I pray for someone to help me write my story and aren't scammers to steal my ideas from me"."

"Speaking of ideas. You still haven't told us about your new and short ideas that you have had. Mind telling us before closing this chapter?"

"Alright. Listen people. Whether you're good, bad, neutral, a bench, a trash, a raccoon, a pig, or just anybody. Please at least appreciate my idea. Also, it's just a very short writing though. It almost got nothing to do with the story except for some graphic, representation details. That idea was very random and short. A little story I plan to include in the story itself. Like a story within a story. One that does not matter much? Or does it? Either way. I call it Akuma no Cho. Jaden. Narrate this.

"All right." The 'narrator' began to tell the story. "The demon’s butterfly was a curious one. All that it touches dies. But it could not resist a peculiar perfume. The scent coming from a deadly flower. A toxic air that would kill all those that inhales it. But it did not affect the butterfly. And as the butterfly landed its feet on the flower. The flower wilted."

"What do you think!" The 'writer' smiles open-mouthly, imitating a cartoon character's excitement.

"It's about Cho and Kouri, isn't it?"

She nods eagerly.

"I do not know how you plan for the story to go... But isn't Cho supposed to be the only normal person among us?" He chuckles. "For her to be a bigger threat, to the point of 'wilting' that flower. She'd have to be abnormal, does she not?"

"Well, normality was never a thing! I mean, it varies. But yeah. But like, I just thought it might be cool if the butterfly was deadly as the irony is that the flower was the dangerous one but turns out the prey it tried to kill killed them instead. Of course, Cho won't kill Kouri but instead of killing, it could represent something, right?

I wonder though. Is it conveying a message of sort if I'm only thinking of the message afterward? Oh well, that is the reason why I'm trying to make it a single layered story. I ain't conveying no message or representation intention because I'm not smart enough for that!

Oh, and! Speaking of scent. I had this small idea that Cho has a unique(?) sense of smell and notices the odor of each character. Kouri smells like poison. As in toxic alluring gas that kills while putting the preys in a trance. Kyouki smells like strawberry. Kaoru smells like a different flower each day. Byakko's gonna smell like sweat, I suppose."

"What about me."

"... You smell like corpses. I'm joking. Probably books?"

"The old lady's gonna smell like antiques! XD The casino man either blood or money. Dang. I still haven't given those two a name.

Fun facts like that are fun! Like the bonus part of the chapters that I plan to include like bonus part in animes. How I wish to see my story become something. *sigh* Oh well. I found the motivation to write one of my fanfictions since it was so neatly written until I half-*ssed the remaining of it. Smell ya later! Heh heh!" She laughes at her own joke shamelessly. "Oi!"

"Well then. I'll see you again if you ever decide to vent to me again." The 'narrator' waved at her goodbye.

"It ain't supposed for venting! I'm just conversing and sharing ideas to my own character, and have this conversation recorded as a story 'cause slice of life are sometimes interesting stories and I like that idea. Either way, see ya!"