Manticore Is Starving

- Sokoro

Hello. My name is Sokoro Abdi. Here's a fun fact, my name means "Lucky One". I always thought that my parents named me that as a joke since my life has been nothing but nonsensical misfortune after nonsensical misfortune.

Want an example? Okay. It's the middle of the night and I'm currently running away as fast as my legs can carry me. One would think I'd be pretty fast since I'm Kenyan, but nope. God decided I needed to work hard for that. Did I mention I'm in the middle of the forest and there's no one here to hear my screams for help? Or that there's a monster chasing me? What kind of monster? Don't know. It was big and it growled at me, so I ran.

And I've been running and running... and running... Wait, is it even  chasing me? The only footsteps I've been heard all night are my own. Now that I think about it, that monster looked pretty banged up. It was dark so I didn't get a good look at it, but it was dragging itself out of the lake. Maybe it was hurt and growled at me as warning? Yeah, it was probably just a hurt animal. If it wanted to kill or eat me it would have kept chasing me.

Haha. I guess I wasn't so unlucky after all. I'm in the clear. I am in. The. Clear. Totally safe. Completely sa- Oh my god, IT HAS WINGS!!! A flying monster is chasing me! Oh my god. Oh my... god? Wait, God! Listen, I know we haven't always gotten along, mostly because I've been blaming you for all the misfortune in my life, b-but I think together we can turn over a new leaf, can't we? We can start over? L-Look, I'll go back to church. I'll eat healthier, exercise more. I'll-I'll give to the poor. I'll... I'll... I'll-I'll get rid of my body pillow collection! Anything you want, just please, PLEASE SAVE ME!!!

Huh? Wait? That's my street. That's my apartment. My incredibly filthy, cockroach infested apartment! I'm home free! Oh thank you thank you thank you! Alright legs, I know you're just about ready to explode, but you see that? We're nearly home free. That's a busy street, someone's bound to see that flying monstrosity above me, right? With all the gangs in that neighborhood, someone will probably shoot it down. Haha. Yes. Just a few more steps and I'll be-

*Shkk!*

Something just pierced my back.

*Shkk shkk shkk shkk!*

I just felt it again, several times. They feel like porcupine quills. Don't… ask me how I know that. It's a… I was so close. So close… and now I can't move. I'm falling. p

Perfect. Just incredible. Get my hopes up and dash them. I don't know if I should blame you or that thing. Or is this one of those "mysterious ways" I keep hearing about?

*BRRCH!*

I think it just landed.

*brch brch brch brch brch brch*

It's getting closer. If I could just… dammit, my… limbs won't obey me. Gah, what's the point? The only reason I got this far is probably because it let me. *Sigh* If I'm going to die I might as well see what kills me. I just… need to get onto my side. Come on… just a little… come-Oh no too far. Not on my back. Not on my-

"BAAAACK!!!" (Sokoro) Those quills are digging deeper.

*brch brch brch*

Really… taking your time, aren’t you? What is this thing anyway? Oh god, those eyes. Huge, hungry, horizon blue eyes. It looks like some kind of big cat with wings. I can see… stripes? Are those… horns? Wait is that a scorpion tail? IS THAT A HUMAN FACE?! This thing’s a manticore! Where the hell did a manticore come from? Was that lake a portal to the underworld or something? Oh good Lord, those teeth! Why the hell would anything need THREE ROWS OF TEETH?! It-She’s?- drooling on me. I’m going to die. I’m going to die a virgin. I’m going to die a disappointment to my parents. I’m going to die before deleting my search history. Why the hell didn’t I close those tabs before leaving?

Guh, her breath is terrible. This can’t be it. There’s got to be a way out of this. Come on. Come on, think. Think… Wait, I got it!

"W-Wait! You… Y-You're not allowed to eat me yet." (Sokoro)

"Huh?" (Manticore)

"You're supposed to tell me a riddle…"

"What?"

"Th-Those are the rules, aren't they? You tell me a riddle a-and if I get it right, you have to let me go,"

"... You are thinking of sphinxes,"

"... Oh… What's the difference?"

Why is she growling and narrowing her eyes like that?

"How dare you?!"

Why's she getting offended? It was a genuine question, I'm not the biggest mythology nerd I just remember seeing a classmate reading about this stuff and thought it was freaky. 

"I was going to eat you alive to save time…" (Manticore raising her paw) "... but since you've insulted me, I'm going to kill you first,"

Holy cow, look at the size of that paw! Is going to crush my skull?

"Consider this mercy," (Manticore)

"WWWAAAAAAIIIIIIITTT!!!" (Sokoro)

"Gaah! You nearly burst my eardrums,"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Listen, I really don't want to die tonight. Is there any way I can convince you not to eat me?"

"I am currently starving, so no,"

"I-I can get you food! I can get you lots of food,"

She just scoffed at me.

"Only the flesh of man can sate me. Unless you have another human you want to sacrifice, I have no interest in-"

"W-Well… h-have you tried anything else?"

"... Well... no, but why would I? My kind are man-eaters. It's literally in our name,"

"But… th-think of all the incredible culinary experiences you could be having? I-I think you ought to be a lot more open minded."

She's not saying anything. Okay, she's put her paw down. That means she's thinking it over, right? Right?

"You can… provide such an experience?" (Manticore)

"Yes! Absolutely! I can. In fact, I happen to work for a provider of such fine cuisine. The legendary Nicky's Pizza."

"Who is this… Nicky and what is pizza?"

Yes. She's interested. Now, I just have to clinch the deal. Brand and Marketing, don't fail me now.

"Hoho. You see, pizza is mankind's single greatest invention and Nicky is its greatest distributor. A superfood that combines all the major food groups: bread, dairy, fruit, vegetable and meat to create a supreme delicacy enjoyed by all the wo-"

"That sounds disgusting."

"A-..Ah... HA! Y-you would think, but that's the genius of it. These elements are combined in just the right quantities to not only bring out their own individual flavours, but also create new ones."

Oh. Oh! She looks intrigued. She's tilting her head to the side curiously. I think she's been reminded of something.

"That sounds like... magic."

Got her.

"Yes. Yes. An incredible, ancient magic dating back to the 1800s in a far away land called Italy, shared across the globe, spawning many different variations, ensuring everyone has their favourites."

"Fascinating… I'm interested."

Yes. Yes. Yes.

"Bring me all of them, so that I may find my favourite."

No. No. No.

"Uh… you see… a-about that…"

"What's the problem?"

I'm broke, that's the problem. I just barely managed to make rent.

"W-Well, I… can't… do that…"

*Deep unholy growl*

"What I mean is, I can't get you all the different flavours, because there are just so many and you really shouldn't rush into new experiences like this-"

"Human… I am extending you a great deal of patience…"

"And I appreciate that! Look, for now I can get you one -A REALLY BIG ONE!- that'll totally satisfy your hunger."

Oh, she's backing off. She's laying down. Did that convince her?

"Very well. If this 'pizza' is as good as you claim, I won't eat you."

Great. One problem solved, but I still can't move and my shift was the last one of the day.

"Well, get to it. I haven't got all night."

"Just… one question. How long does this paralysis last?"

Why does she look confused?

"What paralysis?"

Is she messing with me?

"These… quills… needles? They're venomous, aren't they? I haven't been able to move since you shot me."

Why's she staring at me like I'm stupid?

"I don't have venom."

"But-"

"The needles I shot were supposed to impale you, but my stinger is weak and my aim was off."

"Then… why can't I move?"

"... I think you're just lazy."

"Oh…"

Now that I think about it, I haven't run like that in a while. This is embarrassing. I should get up.

"Okay… I'll be… right back. Um... Sorry, what do I... call you?"

"Kama,"

"Kama, c-could I ask you to wait here?"

"Alright."

"Great! Thank you,a-and please don't eat anyone."

"Then don't make me wait too long."

"Yes, absolutely! I promise, it'll knock your socks off."

"What are-"

"It's a figure of speech!"

I can't believe it, that worked. Alright, God, I'll give you that one. If Nicky is still there, then I absolutely promise to destroy my entire body pillow collection.