Reminiscence(3)

Well, another thing in my life has been infected with relationship garbage. My oldest sister got another boyfriend, his brother goes to my school so he must've heard about me somewhere because he gives me the same look I get from my classmates. I do not know what I did to end up at this point, but somewhere along the line I clearly fucked up somewhere. I hate everything that has to do with romance, or maybe it is relationships as a whole, either way I do not understand either of them so fuck them both.

I actively have been avoiding home recently, nothing good would come from me running into my sisters who hate me or their boyfriends, so I have been hanging out with Zach more and more. Being around him reminds me of good days when the world would not judge you for hanging out with the opposite sex. Looking back, I was too curious for my own good when it came to anything romance.

"Hey Zach, do you like anyone? Like more than a friend?" I bluntly stated as needlessly beating around the bush was never my way.

"What? Where did that come from? I thought you were anti anything relationship." He said, his face getting flushed red.

"HUH? No, up until recently I was indifferent, I just didn't understand it, I still dont, but I do not know if I would say I am anti romance. Perhaps I just hate what it has done to my friends and the standards we are held up on." I sigh and lay my head on my arm looking at Zach.

"I just wish things didn't change."

Zach stares at me for an uncomfortably long time before responding "I don't wish that." His answer baffled me, of course I could not understand where he was coming from , but I noticed he dodged my question.

"You never answered my question. Do yo-" I could not get the words out at this point as something was blocking my mouth. Something rough was on my lips, a new sensation, I was confused on what this feeling was until I realized it was Zach himself.

I quickly backed away, wiping my lips with tears forming asking in a voice that was trembling "Wh- Wha- What was that? Why did you do that! What did I do to you?" I am tearing up, my trembling voice is getting louder and louder, I am beginning to make a scene.

"Did that answer your question?" His response put everything in perspective for me.

"Why...why could we not just be friends. Why did you do that? Why did you have to change too?" With that final question, I started running home, it was all too much to handle, my mind racing, I could not understand why he did that, no matter what happened, I felt my world closing in on me.

Why did he do that?

Did I do something wrong?

Is this why boys and girls can not be friends?

I will ask him about it tomorrow, but I never could ask him about it. When I came in the next day, my desk had the words 'TWO-FACED SLUT' carved on the top of my desk. I looked around and realized everyone was looking at me. I looked at Zach and he gave me a look that gave me an unfamiliar pain in my chest, it felt like barbed wire got wrapped around my heart and ripped it to shreds.

I have no one left

Would anyone even recognize if I am not here anymore? 

No one will miss you.

Jenna would, right? Would she? Would my parents miss me?

They would be better off without you.

They're all looking at you. 

They're all looking at me.

They all hate you.

They all hate me.

This is not good, I feel eyes on me everywhere, I can't breathe. I need to get out of here. With that I spend the rest of my day in the nurses office, there is nothing I can do about this now, its too late for me to try and fight these problems. There is no point now that I am alone. I should just leave now, with that I left the school early and headed home, even if I felt uncomfortable there, I still would not feel the utter hatred I feel here.

Huh? That's weird, why is the door locked? 

I look around the front door. I never was the first one home having to unlock the door, I did not know if there was some spare key hidden somewhere.

"Is Sofia not home yet? She is always the one who unlocks it. When do the high-schoolers get home? She should be home soon...I think?"

**ba-dum** **ba-dum** **ba-dum**

Oh, no... why do I feel like someone is watching me...

They are all watching you, waiting for you to fuck up.

I am having trouble breathing, my heart won't stop beating so damn loudly.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO?

With this, I curl up on the porch crying hiding my face in my knees, trying to avoid all the eyes I feel on me. I do not get it, no one is out yet I still feel eyes on me in every direction.

"Sofia, mommy, daddy, please someone help me. Please tell me what I am doing wrong." I say with tears staining my jeans and snot dripping out of my nose, utterly defeated by the world and its cruelty.