Anomaly

 As if covering my ear, a rumbling echo surrounds me. It’s incessant and unabating, almost as if I was in a cave and an unknown echo suddenly surrounded me. The sound brings tension, like a premonition saying that something unknown, something terrible, something that will be life-changing is bound to happen soon, and there’s no preventing it.

Yet, it’s for the lack of a better word, exciting. For so long now I have been expecting something great to emerge from my mundane high-school life, something that proves this period to be “the best 3 years of your entire life” like every adult I’ve met has told me. Bullshit.

So yes, my life is so boring that I would be thrilled for something that’s way over on the negative side to befall me. I am so really desperate. Please give me something, anything, anything…

…

Wait, where was I again? As the question crossed my mind, so did the rumble seem to fade and dragged me back to reality. I opened my eyes, and with a single sentence, my heart almost stopped with a realization.

“Put down your pen and hand over the papers to the person in front.”. An intimidating man raised his voice, signaling my, and possibly many others downfall.

Knowing nothing good will come out of it, I desperately looked down at my test, the amount of answered questions didn’t even cover half of the page. Well damn, guess I’ll die.

***

As I was dragging my feet through the dreadful hallway, my shoulder was abruptly met with someone one’s palm from behind.

“So, Stan my man, how did you do?” said a casual friend of mine, I guess. He's the type to try to sound “hip”, which makes me feel a little dead inside sometimes but usually, I don’t mind the company. After all, not like I'm any more interesting.

“It's clear he did horrible, dude, you should have taken a look at his face. Don't be sad Stan, at least you succeeded in making me laugh.”, said another, I guess, a casual friend of mine. Despite being a placid guy, he indulges in teasing people every time he gets. Totally unbiased on my part, I think that's sick humor.

“For your information, I didn’t do horrible. I just didn’t do half of the test, too busy dozing off on my desk.”

The two looked at each other, then looked back at me with distorted faces.

“How is that any better?!”

“You don’t have to worry, dude, you’ll always get an A in clownology.”

Feeling a little damaged by their invisible arrows, I replied.

“Don’t make me even more miserable, I’m done with you two.”

“Sorry, sorry, Stan, though, those eye bags really tell something.”

“Yeah, you’ve had that for the longest time now, do you just always play video games through midnight or something?

Before I could muster up a word, a lump appeared in my throat. Hesitatingly, I opened my mouth once more.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I could sense some dishonesty there, perhaps it’s something more, well, immoral that you do?”

My lips descended into a frown.

“F off man.”

We continued on and on, talking about nonsense that will hold no significance whatsoever. Yet, it was entertaining enough for us to keep at it for quite a moment. Until our goldfish attention span ran out, and could no longer feign ignorance to the fact that we had just wasted an hour. Despite the two leaving at the same time, I went home alone, seeking the next thing that would distract me from this dull and repetitive life.

As I descended the stairs leading to the school grounds, for unknown reason, I started to ponder about the interaction I just had. One moment I could just forget about life and enjoy my time, the next I could no longer see any point to re-experience that moment. Am I just going to keep attaching myself to anything that makes me feel the least bit of fun, even if it’s so transient? This is just too meaningless of a life. I need something more than this daily worthlessness.

I moved my head up, seeking for any possible solace I could find. A copper-like hue paints the sky, such optimism, and yet, it’s warm. It expressed a never-ending hope and was comfortable with it. The sky was happy with everything It is and have.

fuck…I wish I was the sky.

In an instant, a red traffic signal glinted in the corner of my eye, and I was snapped out of another useless thought. Apparently, I had reached a four-way stop near my school. And since I didn’t want to get hit by a seven thousand pounds truck, I stopped.

Clomp

A small footstep was heard faintly behind me, and following it, I could see a kid approaching the pedestrian crossing. On his hands, a gamepad, fitting the kid’s size. And, he showed no sign of awareness in his frontal area.

He showed no sign of awareness for the danger he was in.

Something more, huh?

A shade slowly covers me. As the noise incessantly continues, the kid was still looking down at his gamepad. Only after seconds, he had crossed me.

Saving a kid would surely be something more.

I could feel my eyes staring at the kid, and fatigue starts to make them shaky. I glanced at the road, no one was speeding, but there was a car at somewhere around 30 km/h. It’s enough, I thought. And so, I waited for my action.

Fwoosh

The car rushed before us, and the wind blew at my face. No one was hurt, the kid had stopped, and my palm was on the edge of contact with his shoulder. Then, before my mind could realize that my wicked plan had failed, an acidic sensation filled my throat.

What the fuck was I thinking. What kind of malicious bastard would hope for that?

Coinciding with the signal turning green, I rushed my legs through the crossings and kept running. I could feel my lungs wearied, and my feet ached, but I kept up my pace, nevertheless, I could not stop. But eventually, I had to stop and grasp for breath.

Why am I like this?

Once more, I put my gaze upon the sky, and its color was still unchanging. And despite how beautiful it seemed, the sight only filled me with more disgust and petty anger.

“You okay there? Didn’t know you wanted to meet me that much.”

Her voice shook me, and as I looked back down again, a beautiful girl had appeared before me. Round black eyes, and dark straight hair that falls below her shoulder. That, and her grim clothing style really show a gothic depressing vibe to her appearance. Yet, her personality couldn’t contradict this more, so joyful and rambunctious.

Without saying anything, I walked past her, and she followed suit.

Once we had reached an empty kids’ playground, I approached the swing just opposite the sand field and sat down.

“Hi, again.”

“Hi, how’s life?” She jerked her head questioningly to the side as she looked at me slyly.

Responding to her observing me, I met her eyes. A bit weird that she asked me how I was feeling so early on in the conversation. Not that I mind, could she have seen through my troubled soul? It was like she was acting as my therapist or something.

“Boring, as always.”

“C’mon now, I see you hanging with those two folks sometime, looked like you were having fun.”

“I don’t think having play-buddies is enough. It’s only to kill time, pretty meaningless.”

“Can you think of anything exciting now? I don’t just mean what’s there right now, but also the stuff you can start doing.”

Unhesitatingly, I shook my head sideways. A talentless fool like me can’t do anything. Besides, it’s too late anyway, no one starts a hobby or passion in their second year of high school. Especially when next year we have to study for college.

“Man, you’re hard to deal with like always.”

Closing her eyes, she collects herself and verbalized her thoughts.

“Then how about what you have now, me? There’s a mysterious but also very gorgeous girl whom you get to talk to casually, isn’t that excitingly different?”

Well, it’s not like I don’t know her name, she’s Kae. Nevertheless, we rarely mention it. Though, I guess, I could call her mysterious since she only shares a few hobbies and tastes, while her background or where what school she studies are still unknown factors to me. Even though we had been talking for a year and a half.

I won’t get into details so to sum it up, I was pretty unsatisfied, maybe depressed, and we kind of just meet coincidingly in this small little playground and talked. She was like a nameless messiah dragging me out of the dumps, so, she’s my Jesus/ Superman/therapist, I guess. Until well, recently, the dopamine I’d get from her just isn’t there anymore. Without realizing it, she’s now considered another everyday encounter.

Seeing the stalemate of her own approach, she let herself down onto the swing beside me, coming up with what to say next to ease my miserable outlook.

“…Sometimes you just have to accept what you have you know. It’s not what’s there in your life, it’s how you feel towards it.”

“If only it was that easy…”

“…”

Silence emanated from the air, suffocating us with awkwardness. Until a sound echoed through our ears.

Clomp

Multiple footsteps suddenly appeared on the sidewalk I had just been minutes before, and a group of girls came into my perception. Nothing from them was out of the ordinary, and I diverted my eyes away from the little escape from my troubled mind. Yet, like a bullet, those sentences pierced through my eardrums.

“Hey, you girls still remember that runaway girl from our school?”

But before my heart could even attempt to obstruct my hearing, her name had already been spoken.

“Her name was Kiri, I’m pretty sure.”

A spark of white appeared, and an image of her was conjured before me, albeit hazy and unclear. And so, I squinted and try to grasp it, I wanted to relive that moment once more. However, much to my dismay, the fragment was pulled away from me. And once again, it was concealed deep within.

Like it had always been.

…

“No.” Suddenly, the mysterious girl pulled me to look at her, and our eyes met.

.

Yeah, not again.

And so, once more, I pulled.

And I pulled.

And I pulled.

And, the ocean breaks.

“We’re going to have even more fun together when we grow up, promise?”

Even though the memory was still not completely unclouded, a sense of longing emerged from within me, and I knew not to neglect it. It was no doubt that I was happy back then.

Closing my eyes, I felt a burst of excitement from seeking for something new, for something that could rival this moment’s vibrancy.

Ah yes, so this is what I was supposed to do to fulfill my desires. A thrilling high-school life doesn’t need to be set in a school, it’s the time period of youth that matters.

Then, with the determination I had just set for myself, I embraced the vision, as well as my new sense of purpose.

“Yeah, I promise, Kiri.”