'Rhythmic'

perhaps i was lucky.

click click click click click click click click click click click—

of course i was. in many ways, i was sure of it.

i was here, after all. i had my life, the days, the chances to fill with simple little feelings.

the rhythm of the wheels of my bike was that way. over the sound of my ambient track, playing to the smell of petrichor left by just enough rain to leave the asphalt dry, and the sky clear, every snapshot my eyes took of the lone world felt like too many fortunes to hold.

until i looked back, that was.

for now, i withheld myself.

i wasn’t into avoidance. if there were things in this world to see, and do, i wanted both to happen, for their own sakes. humanity was creative, and it was good enough to be human.

only, in this moment, it was not wise to look back off that hill and see.

fool.

perhaps my only luck... was not getting to work on time.

i used it as a two-wheeled crutch, my bike, losing the balance to cycle the hill home as the nauseous kaliedoscope went on inside me. the rhythm was no longer front-of-mind. the smells, even the sights were taken, memory arriving in lieu of the world around me.

memory, my enemy. at least, in this moment.

try as i might, thinking about anything else at all anymore only led me back to my nausea, and i resigned myself to the time it was – to make sense of what i’d just witnessed.

what i was still witnessing... if i only looked back over my shoulder.

but i wasn’t yet enough of a fool to do that again.

even so, i could pick the location of the cafe out along the long, meandering line that had been carved into the city and beyond.

the colours were all different. even just the shade of the air, as if the weather on a different day had been spliced into the atmosphere. the clouds were slow to disperse, enough to tell at a glance where the River had gone.

so too had the cafe changed, even seeing it up close. none of its surfaces would pry open even if i tried, none of the exterior gave away a clue.

what had happened was only the start. why nobody else had been around to see the River alongside me, might have been my next question.

why it was the only building left on the corner, would have followed.

then there was the sign. worn down, rusted, as if over many decades, one that had never been there before. bearing nothing but a mark i didn’t recognise, and writing that was lost.

leaving behind only a name, too rusted to read, but carved with enough determination deep into the metal to, at the very least, guess.

click click click click—

now, i had to force myself to focus on worthier things. there would always be time for thoughts when i felt less like throwing up.
i had strayed far enough from any reminder of the simple things going on around me that chucking my guts had become a real possibility, and i didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of the neighbours.

“Have you heard the news?”

“A disaster? That’s simply awful... Was anyone hurt?”

“They’ve not said anything yet.”

“What happened, exactly?”

click click click click cl—

neighbours of mine were making their way outside, stepping over morning-old newspaper to confer straight with the source.

i caught their glances in return, two of the ladies whose homes rounded off the end of the hill-side street overlooking the quieter corners of the city, with the temperaments to exactly contradict the view.

“My, it’s Kotowa! Good morning.”

they transformed into their smiles quicker than i could see what had lay there before. but i had an idea. i could guess by virtue of the shift, that they had seen the lights, and the aftermath.

i could tell, by the smiles, that they hadn’t yet seen it up-close.

“Back from work so soon? Don’t tell me...”

mrs. meiyin put up a hand, fanning her face in some combination of sympathy and provocation.

“You didn’t get up to something that made Lottie lose her head again?”

“—And she was always on about how good you were!”

mrs. teto wasn’t far behind, the younger and more snappish of the two.

“Well, I’m told you were ‘getting there’, but nothing incriminating enough to expect you’d be sent home!”

“mrs. meiyin. mrs. teto.” i called. “good morning, girls.”

“My, such a flirt as always.” mrs. meiyin fanned on, holding up the impressively long hair that still decorated her face and her sides. “If it wasn’t for these old bones of mine, I’d be chasing you around the neighbourhood!”

“i could lend you my bike, ma’am.” i replied.

“There you go again.” she blushed. “You stay out of trouble, boy, or else I’ll let my neice full well know about it!”

“—Kotowa, are you on your way to school?”

mrs. teto let on only a smile, as she interjected a half-moment too quickly.

“i...”

have nowhere else to go.

something i could hardly say.

“i’m thinking about it.” i smiled.

“So full of yourself and your exemptions, aren’t you?” the woman threw up her hands. “Well, if you are going, do me a favour. That silly little daughter of mine’s gone and forgotten her own lunch.”

“—Doesn’t she cook them herself?” mrs. meiyin seemed incredulous.

“Don’t even get me started.” she shook her head. “I’ll let you have her spare, Kotowa. Come on in and take them!”

“—she makes two?”

any more questions or contentions i had felt out of place, in the middle of having a pair of still-warm boxed lunches bundled into my arms.

“I can’t recall she’s packed any soup in them this time, but just in case, be careful of spilling it.” mrs. teto gave a smile that somehow imparted a sense that not only would she know if i did, but she’d be the arbiter of the consequences.

“yes, ma’am.” i nodded.

“Be safe!” mrs. meiyin waved me off, the pair of theirs’ excited whispers soon fading down the hill, as i made my way under the imperative to get out of their sight on the double.

i glanced back, watching the two of them point and gaze out from the vantage we shared, but i could look no further.

carefully, i set the boxed lunches into the carry basket of my bike, wheeling the rest of the way to my gate.

this turn of events limited my plans quite a bit.

“guess i’ll go to school,” i sighed.

but perhaps i was lucky, that way.

anything but simply, i didn’t want to be alone today.

“still...”

as i made a quick stop to fetch my uniform out of the chest in my room, i checked on the boxes, no spillages spotted yet.

“what kind of a home-ec teacher cooks two bento for herself, and then forgets them?”