Insufficient Funds

 Rolling waves upon the sand, moon light’s blue blanketing the beach, the rhythmic melody of nature. Yeah, it was just like this back then too.

“It’s already been a year.”

One year.

365 days.

8,760 hours.

I’d been enjoying my time with her for so long that everything just felt like one long dream. From the moment I met her on this beach, on a night just like this where stars kept us company, I didn’t think that someone as broken as me could ever feel this way.

In the distance, I see the alluring glow of the lantern. Just like back then, surrounded by fireflies, she stood as the brightest entity I’d ever seen. Unlike me, who had grown so dark with hate, she was a shining star. And like a planetary body, I had become drawn to her orbit.

But, all stories must come to an end. This one was no different.

……………..

At least, that’s what I thought before. In my pocket, a key of sorts rested, it was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand but the weight of its meaning could not be understated. With each nervous step, my anxiety flared up.

“What if she says no?”

“What if I’ve misread her signals?”

“What if I’m making a mistake and I get hurt again?”

Thoughts of doubt, like the waves upon this beach, rolled against my mind; tempting me to forget it, to throw it in the ocean, and stop this before I get hurt again.

……….

And yet, I pressed on. Just a bit closer now.

The old me would never have taken this chance, they’d have just closed the book on this story and never looked back, but the me here right now… my guiding light, the thing I truly desired… was to stay by her side.

I was gonna do it, put myself out there, take a chance. “Be brave, Dominic. You can do this.” I muttered to myself, a mantra I kept repeating to keep me on the path until…

“Rosemary…” My voice came out too timid, a year ago I would’ve beat myself up over that, but now I’ve just accepted this part of myself. That was also thanks to Rosemary.

She turned the lantern towards me, her impossibly long, raven-colored hair fluttering in the breeze with her animated twirl. “Fancy meeting you out here.” She said with a tilt of her head and a megawatt smile.

You would think that seeing that would steel my resolve, however the prospect of this event going badly and losing that smile forever- no, don’t think like that. I have to be decisive otherwise-

“Hey,” her sudden voice and close proximity catches me off-guard, I stumble backwards and she grabs hold of my hand. Like she has this whole year, she kept me from falling to my doom.

Okay, maybe doom is exaggerating a bit; it is true that she’s been an essential part of my life though.

Her hands linger on my wrist, before sliding down and grazing my fingers. What is she thinking? What mysteries are behind those aquamarine-colored eyes?

Her eyes lock with mine, holding their gaze, is this her being competitive again or… is she expecting me to really…

Inhale.

Exhale.

Okay, I’m gonna do it. The mood is right, there’s no one to interrupt us, and honestly… if the universe has a will of its own, it would probably be screaming, “this is your moment!” at me.

And so, I present it to her: a ring. I wish I could say it was an expensive one with a high-quality jewel, but honestly… it was just a simple silver band with a vine pattern engraved on the other rim. By contrast to what others had, this was pretty minimalist.

Maybe this was a bad idea after all? Maybe she’s trying to think of the best way to reject me? Maybe if I just play it off like a joke or a mistake or-

Suddenly I felt her arms wrap around me, squeezing me as tight as she possibly could — almost making me drop the ring in the process!

But still, this reaction… could this have been what I thought it was?

She pulled back from the hug, and rested her forehead against mine. “What took you so long?”

And so, the story of Dominic the hateful loner came to a close. That person would fade into the deep reaches of my mind. Replaced by Dominic, the man who loves Rosemary. Where one story ends, another begins.

The end.

…

……

……….If only it were that easy. The credits on the screen rolled as the soft piano melody played over it. That was the end of the story alright. More specifically, the end of the dating sim I’d marathoned through since this morning.

I slid the headphones off my head — mirroring the tears streaming down my face — and while my cheeks were damp, it wasn’t solely because of the story.

“He just sprang a marriage confession on someone he wasn’t even dating?” No, the actual reason my tears flowed were because while playing the game, I could forget my own romantic troubles, as soon as the game ended I’m left with a… certain level of clarity. The illusion fades, snap back to reality, oh here comes gravity.

I fall on my side, resting my head against the private booth’s fuzzy carpet. A deep, weary sigh escapes my body as the sounds of the internet cafe fill the air: Drunks nursing their various conditions, psychologically damaged office workers trying to meet their looming deadlines, teenagers from ultra-religious families sneaking out to engage in activities their parents and god would disapprove of, and of course lonely nerds just like me trying to escape from their lives.

Here I sat in a private booth, while it poured torrential rain outside, squandering my nearly two-decades-worth of savings, surrounded by degenerates and loners, sobbing away while playing dating sims to pretend that someone wanted to be with me while waiting for vtuber streams to start.

“Ha…” I used to look down on people doing what I’m doing now, lonely dudes simping for virtual girls who, at best, will only ever see you as a fan. “Haha… Yugo, you failure of a human being.”

My weary eyes glanced to the title screen of the game, the main girl’s happy smile drawing me in.

“Kaori…” Her name, once again, I’m thinking of her again. Maybe it was a mistake to play a game with a heroine who looked kinda like her to begin with? Was she thinking of me, did she even know I was missing?

“No… probably not. That girl would never notice something like that.” In the past, whenever Kaori occupied my thoughts, it brought me equal parts happiness and anxiety. I enjoyed her company, more than I could ever imagine. But because of how important she was to me, it also made me so scared of losing her.

“We used to be so close. So, when did that change?” I racked my brains for a long time, trying to pinpoint what exactly went wrong, whether there was something I could do to salvage it. If there was something I could say to fix it.

But, words failed me.

“Kaori… I miss you.” Like a broken record, I repeated that sentence. Kept thinking that she’d call me, or text me, but nothing happened yet. It was becoming a compulsion, so I turned my phone off for a while, tried to put it out of my mind.

“....”

I reached into the backpack I stuffed with overnight supplies when I left home a few days ago and fished out my phone. Still had a charge, if only briefly. The image of Kaori napping beneath a tree in the spring morning greeted me — though, I guess a photo like this is probably creepy now, what with the way things turned out.

“Agh, too bright.” My eyes had adjusted to the dim darkness of the internet cafe, so my phone’s backlight was… a bit too much for me, a newly-minted denizen of depravity.

My finger hovered over the lock-screen, hesitation. What if Kaori had messaged me? What if my family was worried? What could I say to people who may have been wondering if something happened to me?

“Sorry guys, turns out the girl of my dreams didn’t want to be my girlfriend! So I had a meltdown and have been crying myself to sleep in a dirty internet cafe! Tee-hee!”

No way! That explanation was a fate worth than death, I’d honestly rather be kidnapped than have to explain that!

I harshly throw my phone back into my backpack, content to pretend that I just didn’t bring it with me.

….

………..

………………….

‘Stay strong Yugo, you piece of shit. In the years you’ve known that girl, she has never once called to check in on anyone. You were hospitalized for a week last year, she didn’t even know you were gone!’ God, that memory somehow hurt worse than it did last year…

zzzzzzzBANG

The sudden sound of rolling thunder stiffened my back straight up — and also knocked those intrusive thoughts back to the darkness — my gaze shifted to the window next to my booth. “Man, it’s really coming down.” They said it was gonna be cloudy with light drizzle, but this seemed more like someone put the sad scene filter on the planet. “Guess the weatherman was wrong again.”

My eyes caught sight of people outside, running to their cars, escaping into buildings. ‘It’s probably safer to just stay the night here again.’

Before I could turn my head back to my monitor, I suddenly felt a strange sensation. Like I was being watched. Couldn’t be though. This is a private booth, I even lucked out by not having a booth neighbor. So what was this-

Outside, in the rain, a person in a long dirty cloak had separated from their pack of, what I assumed, was other homeless people. They just stared at the building, and then.. at me?

‘I… don’t know how to feel about that.’ I didn’t meet their gaze, it was impossible from this distance, probably. However, before another lightning flash happens and before this story of my depressing life suddenly turns into a horror movie where they’re suddenly clinging to the outside of the window; I shut the blinds. Much better.

My laptop suddenly pinged, “Hm?” I turn my head to the monitor and read the tiny box in the corner. “Oh, it’s time for Mirilu’s stream. I’m excited to watch a virtual girl talk to her friends… this is my life now.”

I navigated to the stream’s URL, and waited for the page to load. In the brief time the page spent loading, I couldn’t help but plan out the rest of my day in an efficient manner. “First I’ll watch Mirilu’s stream, then download another game from the store while playing through my backlog…”

“Oh my god, look at this design!” The hyper energetic voice of the resident gremlin vtuber, Mirilu, sounded through my headphones. Apparently the stream was already in progress; hope I didn’t miss anything good.

Oh, she wasn’t alone on-screen. Two other vtubers, Koro and Pai were also there. I didn’t really know them all that well, I was of course a Mirilu fan for life. Their characters seemed cute though.

“Okay so, this is my character in the game! Look at her! Look at those soft cheeks, those cute ears, they even got my shark tail! Oh my god I wish I could just like… pull myself out of the game and just squeeeeee!”

“Gremlin dating sim!”

“You talkin’ crap about my waifu!”

“You’re your own waifu!”

“I’m a strong independent fish-gremlin girl who don’t need no man!”

“Hey Miri, Miri, Miri… check it out, I just bought you an official hug pillow!”

“WHAAAAT, OH MY GOD, NOOOO! THAT’S GONNA SHOW UP AT MY HOUSE! HOW AM I GONNA EXPLAIN THAT TO MY MOM!”

“Well, you see, mom. I’ve decided to give up vtubing and finding a proper boyfriend to instead marry this pillow with my face on it instead.”

“NOOOOOO!”

“How many little pillow babies do you want- WAIT WAIT WAIT, WHAT DOES IT SAY HERE?!”

“It says, pillow pocket.”

“And where is it- OH MY GOD!”

“NO, DON’T LOOK, CHAT NO, STOP, DON’T LOOK! I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS! WHY ARE THE SUB COUNTS GOING UP! STAAAAAAHP!”

Suddenly the screen is replaced with a technical difficulties sign. There’s still some talking going on, but I think this is probably just part of the bit. Yep, that’s about what I expected. Usual chaos from the cocaine gremlin herself. The other two seem interesting, maybe I’ll check them out later.

“What game are they playing?” They didn’t say the name, but someone in the chat already asked and was answered almost immediately. “We who stand at the edge of the world.”

“Kind of a wordy title.” At least it wasn’t an entire plot synopsis as the title. “What’s it about?” I open another tab and search the game on the store page, oh there’s a discount code on the stream’s banner. “Hmmm, looks like they also voiced in it? Guess it’s also a sponsorship?”

As I scrolled through the pics, one character in particular caught my attention. I’m ashamed to admit, but it was for the same reason as the other game. I don’t recognize the person who voiced the character but… they sounded a lot like her, at least according to the trailer.

……..

“No…”

………………

“Come on, Yugo. Have some dignity.”

………………………….

“This is just sad even for you.”

…Yeah. Yeah it probably was. I reached into my pocket to pull out my wallet. “Okay let’s see here, where’s that purchase button? Okay… just one more thing, alright…” The mouse hovered over the confirm purchase button. “Last chance, Yugo… don’t do it. You don’t need to-”

I already clicked it.

Unfortunately, buyer’s remorse would have to wait, because instead of the usual: “Thank you for your purchase.” I was instead greeted by a much more annoying message.

“Insufficient funds?”