Clouded Ice

I was thinking about Kisaki as I walked my way home. Thinking about what I said, what she said, and what Mayu said, all of that. All of that arguing started and concluded before I had a chance to truly think things through.

Now that I thought about it, Kisaki was really patient with me until Mayu showed up, as if she was trying to show off when Mayu arrived. Something else was bugging me, too- the genuinely pained expression on Kisaki’s face before she ran out of the room. After all, I had never seen that kind of emotion on her face at any point before; she really did look betrayed by Mayu. I tried to understand her feelings, but I couldn’t really wrap my head around her from any angle.

Soon, memories of our first meeting and history started to flow into my consciousness before I could notice.

~

The first day of my first year in high school. I was only 15 then. I had just finished reading the class assignments as I was walking to homeroom. I was kind of nervous knowing I would be in a different class than Rinne, but I did have a bit of hope at a new start here. Finding my classroom at the end of the hallway, I turned the corner and glanced inside for the first time. There were only five or so students in the room already, but I paid them no mind and went to sit down. As I was walking to a desk by the window, my attention was stolen by a beautiful girl with silver hair that was standing at the front of the room. She was marking something on the board, until she noticed my entrance. She quickly walked up to greet me and took my hand to shake it.

“Hello! My name is Takamiya Kisaki! What’s your name?”

“Um, my name is... Hiiragi. Hiiragi Yuuto. H-hello.”

Kisaki was a lot different; when we first met, she seemed much more cheery and outgoing. The fact she was at the top of our class, and not to mention popular, was what won her the support to be elected class rep.

Of course, I was also different at that time. I was bullied frequently in the years prior to high school which left me with a lot of issues. Seeing the gorgeous girl in front of me speaking was not easy on my anxiety. I did have a decent read on people and could tell the look in her eyes was pure, so I didn’t push her away. I wished I had much to say in return, but I still couldn’t muster much more than a basic introduction.

“Nice to meet you, Hiiragi! I’ll be sitting next to you for the year, it seems! I hope we can be friends.”

“O-oh, it’s fine if I sit here? I can move if you don’t want me here.”

“No! It’s okay, I don’t have anyone specific in mind. You don’t seem like someone who would bother me, I think. Personally I think we’ll get along fine.”

She may have had a soft spot for me at first, I knew I certainly had one for her. We sat together for the entire first year as she had said, but I never really spoke to her much during that first term. I was still a huge recluse with a general paranoid demeanor, and that didn’t change until our second term. By the time our second term began, I had finally been shown a measure of acceptance which led to me coming out of my shell. I made a few friends by then with Rinne’s help; Mayu and Saitou for example. Having more friends who genuinely showed passion for the things I liked did wonders for my self-esteem.

Kisaki, on the other hand, seemed to put up walls around her after the end of our first summer break. I remember I spent the summer finally building up enough courage to speak more to her at the start of that second term. The first time I tried to have a conversation outside of class, however, she had warped into the cold and strict girl I know now. That day she ended up ridiculing my otaku interests while questioning my grades. I gave up on her as a potential partner incredibly fast after that incident, and our relationship turned sour as we began to bicker in class as well- I became the one stain on her otherwise perfect standing as a student because of the fact I caused her to act out.

We shared a class again during second year, but we chose not to sit near each other for obvious reasons. I instead opted to sit with Mayu who had been placed in our class that year. Things didn’t change from there, and we went our separate ways- before Mayu decided to arrange whatever THAT was. I wonder though- did something happen to her over that summer that made her change that drastically? That thought always was in the back of my head when Kisaki was on my mind...

~

I shut the door behind me as I took off and put back my shoes. Immediately my older sister Ryou noticed my return and called out to me. The two of us are pretty close, as we have somewhat aligning interests and personalities. Both of us are also particularly protective of our younger sister Yuri, who seems to dislike the both of us (though Ryou to a lesser extent). Ryou is 3 years older than me, and she currently works as a light novelist- a profession I admire greatly. Yuri is two years younger than me, and she is mostly repulsed by otaku for varying reasons and tries to fit in. I made sure to inquire about her.

“Is Yuri back yet?”

“Yeah. She got back a few hours ago. What took you so long exactly?”

I put off her question as I set my bag down and sat on the couch. I made a deep sigh and told Ryou to join me for a chat. She decided to sit down next to me with a beer can in hand, as she usually does. ...She’s kind of a drinker.

“Ryou, do you know who Takamiya Kisaki is?

“Oh, that girl you hate?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Get this, Mayu tried setting me up with her by arranging tutoring sessions between the two of us. It went terribly, and when Mayu told us why she asked her to tutor me, Kisaki blew up at Mayu.”

Ryou just sorta looked a bit... bewildered before nodding her head in understanding. She more or less silently acknowledged me, likely because she didn’t have anything meaningful to say. 

“God, I have no idea how to approach this tomorrow. I feel like I should talk to Kisaki, but I don’t know how the hell to speak to her normally nowadays. I don’t even really know what I ever did to personally offend her, after all. I can’t believe my detachment from schoolwork could make her resent me as much as she does. I think the worst part is the fact I can see why Mayu thought we were compatible after everything that happened today.”

“I don’t really know much about dealing with people. All I can really say is just do whatever you feel best doing.”

Wow. What great advice. 

It's fine, I didn’t talk to her to get advice. I just wanted to talk about my day to someone, even if she was half-asleep. I went to get a soda and chatted with Ryou about other menial things briefly before I went back up to my room. I was ready to turn on my Sw*tch and play Etr*an Odyss*y for the rest of the night to kill time and think about something else.

Immediately as I put my stuff down, as if sensing the moment I was unoccupied, my phone began to ring. Kitagawa Mayu. I can only wonder what this could be about. I picked up, maybe only a little annoyed I was probably about to lose another half hour I could spend gaming.

“Hey Mayu. What’s up? Anything happen?”

“No, I couldn’t find Kisaki after she left. Actually, I was going to ask-”

Hmm. Not sure I’m liking the way this is going.

“Are you willing to give the tutoring another shot?”

“Why do you care so much? It doesn’t concern you, does it?”

“I just think it’ll be for the best.”

“I don’t exactly wanna waste my time trying to get through to a person who has no intention of being flexible. This sort of thing won’t work.”

“She’s been through a lot, you have to consider that.”

“I have, too. I don’t think you were considering her feelings when you decided to set this all up without telling us the true intent.”

“...No, I know what I’m doing- trust me on this one. I think you’ll realize if you try.”

“You can’t tell me now?”

“No. I can’t be the one to say it.”

“I barely even know what you’re talking about anymore.”

“Please just have faith in me and her, Yuuto. I’m begging you.”

I went and plopped down in my bed and let out a deep sigh. This is a pain.

“Why are you so insistent about this?”

“Because I know it’s best for both of you, even if it seems pointless in the short-term. Perhaps I probably should have known this approach wouldn’t work, though.”

“Yeah, you need to give me some clear incentive. I don’t want to have this be a total waste of time if it falls through, which I imagine isn’t unlikely- provided I do go along with this.”

"I'll think of someth- oh! I actually just thought of something perfect."

~

I took another deep breath. I thought about her offer, which was more compelling than I initially assumed. It was... a fair failsafe, or whatever you want to call it.

“Fine. I’ll ask her again tomorrow to tutor me again- provided she does at least try to be a bit more manageable. I’ll hold up my end and try harder. Just make sure you don’t forget your promise.”

“I won’t. But I don’t think it will come to that.”

“If you say so.”

She hung up after that last exchange. I wondered if tomorrow would be different. Considering my wish, her offer wasn’t a bad one- she knew what I wanted in the end, even if she had to compromise a lot. She really must be confident.

Once again, I began to hope things would work out.