Dragon X Potion Seller

To my surprise, it wasn't just the Exile's name that was hidden.

As I squatted down in front of her stall, hoping to get a better look at her wares – or, if I was lucky, her yet-hidden face – the first thing I realized was that there weren't any standard Health Potions among the various bottles spread neatly on the mat in front of her. The ones the resellers had were a fairly unremarkable pink color.

Her stock, on the other hand, was far more... esoteric. A shimmering array of colors and hues spread before my eyes like a Saturday morning cartoon's depiction of a mad scientist's chemistry set – some bubbling, others steaming, others so frigid that fog condensed on the outside of the glass.

[Unidentified Blue Potion], [Ominous Purple Brew], [Warm Golden Tincture]... they all had exceedingly vague names. Maybe I needed some kind of Skill to identify them? That was going to make shopping rather difficult...

And although I thought she had noticed my approach, the mysterious hooded Exile hadn't said a word to me. She just lounged idly in her little nook. Actually... was she sleeping back there?

“Hello?” I began awkwardly, waving a hand in front of her face.

“Please stop doing that,” A soft, measured voice responded immediately. “It's irritating.”

“Oh. Uh. Sorry.” I drew back my arm. Her directness had caught me a little off-guard, and for a moment, my curiosity outweighed my actual reason for being here. “If you don't mind, what are you selling here?”

“Potions,” She answered vaguely.

“Well, yes, I can see that much,” I chuffed. “But what do they do, exactly? I can't see their effects.”

“Oh.” She pounded a fist into an open palm as though she had just made some kind of great discovery. “I forgot. The only way to know what they do is to drink them.”

...Really? That kind of mechanic seemed more at place in a roguelike than an MMO. But wait, if that was the case, then why had she only just realized this now? Surely I wasn't the only one who hadn't been able to --

“So that's why nobody wanted to buy anything...” She murmured sadly, her whole aspect seeming to wilt, head drooping almost comically in dismay.

...To be honest, I wanted to laugh, but managed to hold it in. After all, I'd made my share of careless mistakes today, too – so as a comrade in self-inflicted misfortune, I decided I'd throw her a bone. Besides, with so many options to choose from, some of them had to be good, right?

I picked up the purple potion that had caught my attention before, put on my best smile, and held it up. “This one looks pretty cool. What does it do?”

“That one?” She raised her head again, and I just barely made out a pair of bright green eyes squinting up at me as she leaned forward to inspect it. “Hmm, hmm.” She nodded to herself, her large hood bobbing forward and back over her face, before she at last proclaimed decisively...

“It's poison.”

Oh. Right. I'd been expecting buffs, but I guess bad status potions were a thing, too. That was pretty cool.

“So I could, like, put it on my sword or something?”

“What? Of course not.”

...Eh? Then what else were you supposed to use it for?

“When you drink it, you get poisoned.”

“...That's all it does?”

“That's all it does.”

I quickly set the potion back down.

“Riiiiight,” I said, my smile becoming significantly more forced. “Well, since I'm not planning any assassinations right now, I think I'll pass on that one. What about this one?” I picked up the more harmless-seeming golden tincture. Purple was a rather menacing color for a potion, but surely, this one would be –

“That's also poison.”

Eh...?!

“...Do you have to drink it?”

“Well, obviously. That's how potions work.”

“...It is...?”

I tried to question her common sense – or lack thereof – but rather than answering me, she merely continued her sales pitch.

“It's much more deadly than the purple one, though – and it tastes better, too.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice conspiratorially, like a chef disclosing her secret ingredient. “...I added oranges for flavor.”

“No, no, no – the flavor isn't the problem here! And why are you trying to make it taste better if it's more deadly?!”

Needless to say, I didn't take that one, either. Setting aside the forbidden orange juice with a heavy sigh, I looked over her remaining stock.

“Okay, maybe I'm just asking the wrong questions. Do you sell any potions that don't just kill the person who drinks them?”

The Exile seemed to think about this for a moment, then silently proffered a flask of acrid-looking green... substance.

“...And dare I ask what that one does?”

“It inflicts paralysis.”

“Damn it, I knew I should have been more specific...”

“It also poisons you,” She added helpfully. “But it doesn't just kill you.”

“You know that's not what I – Okay, fine. What if I don't want to be poisoned at all?”

“Oh.” She sounded almost disappointed as she halfheartedly pushed more than half the potions on display off to the side.

“...Or any bad status effects, for that matter.”

She removed pretty much all of the remaining potions, too – then began rummaging through her inventory, evidently seeking something less... unique with which to replace them.

“Let's see here...” She muttered to herself. “I guess I have a few Antidotes left over from testing...”

“Wait,” I realized. “Testing on who?”

“Why, on myself, obviously.” She sounded baffled that I would even bother to ask. “It's not like I could convince anyone else to drink something that might be dangerous.”

I felt my brow beginning to twitch.

“If you realized that already, then why did you try to sell it to me?!”

“You were the one who kept asking me about poisons,” She answered innocently. “I thought maybe it was your hobby.”

“...Eh?! Why would it be –”

“People collect all sorts of things,” She interjected, shrugging absentmindedly.

“I can confidently say that I do not collect poison.”

...She opened her mouth again, reaching back for some of the bottles she had only just brushed aside -- but I immediately cut her off.

“–And I have absolutely no intention to start.”

“Tch.” She clicked her tongue in disappointment, but put the poison back down.

We had drifted so dangerously far off topic that I was beginning to fear for my sanity. My curiosity had long since given way to abject confusion and more than a little bit of concern at how airheaded this girl seemed – though the longer I spoke to her, the more she began to remind me of someone I used to know...

But that could wait. Right now, I needed to take control of this conversation before she steered it somewhere crazy again.

“Ehem,” I cleared my throat and composed myself. Rather than arguing with her, I'd just humor her, then be on my way. “You know what? Seems like there's a lot of poisonous stuff in this game. I'll take an antidote, just to be safe.”

“Good choice,” She said smugly. “That'll be 800 Gold.”

...Hang on a second, had she just been messing with me this whole time?! Don't tell me this was all just a con to scare me into buying Antidotes I didn't need! Was that kind of sales strategy even possible? No. I refused to believe it.

Still, she'd thrown me for such a loop that I only then remembered that I'd actually been looking for something specific.

“Oh, right. How about healing potions? Do you have any of those?”

“Of course. What kind would you like?”

“Eh?” There were different kinds? “Uh...” I stammered. “The... not-poisonous kind.”

...Yeah. I don't know why I felt the need to specify that, but after what I had just experienced, I wanted to be sure. And yet, the response I got was...

“...What are you talking about?” She tilted her head to one side, as though she was as bewildered by my question as I was by her very existence. “Who would put poison into a perfectly good health potion? ...Are you being bullied?”

I tried to answer that, but for some reason the words that came out of my mouth instead were...

“...What are you?”

“A potion seller. I sell potions. Now would you like some healing potions, or not?”

“...Yes. Yes, I would.”

“Very good. That'll be 400 Gold apiece.”