Distant Thunder

When I was young, I once saw lightning in broad daylight.

It was a warm, summer day. Not unlike today. I sat in my room, playing my piano like I always did back then, when this fleeting flash of light took over my world. It tumbled like whirling silver, arcing through the deep blue sky. It took my breath away. Even in that short-lived moment, its radiance dazzled me. Blinding me in its majesty. I sat there looking at the sky before a thunderous roar, as if the sky was falling apart at the seams, made me break out of my reverie. I continued playing as clouds began to coalesce and colour the sky in grey and black. In a matter of minutes, that brilliant flash of lighting… was followed by heavy and violent rain.

—

An unfamiliar ceiling stared at me as I awoke from the pitch, black void I had fallen into. The warm fluorescent yellow lights and the occasional chill from the air conditioning swinging my way did little to tell me about my whereabouts. I blinked. I blinked again. I blinked again. I blinked again. I blinked again. And then, I remembered. I tried to get up but my head was pounding as if I had burst a tumour.

I looked around to find myself in a small, modest room. One that looked an awful lot like a cheap motel. I saw a bottle of water on the nightstand beside the ragged bed that I lay on. I chugged down the water but my dry throat reacted quite badly. I coughed and snorted out some of the water back. The sheets over my body got wet in the fiasco. ‘The definition of pathetic’. I scoffed at myself.

I stared at the ashtray with the myriad of cigarette butts squashed into it. The smell of tobacco and booze permeated every inch of the room. It was repulsive. I slowly found the energy to get up and make my way into the tiny bathroom at the side. I turned on the faucet and leaned against the wall. Even that little walk had made me so damn tired. I splashed water across my face. Over and over again. Until I got sick of how it felt. I rubbed my face on the towel wrapped around the grab bar on the side. It smelled... Nice.

I made my way back into the room and found my phone lying on a chair next to the entrance door. I turned it on to check the time. 12:31 PM, it said. I sighed realising that at the very least, I hadn’t passed out for too long. It was only then that I started to wonder how and where I had ended up. The ‘where’ was easy- I looked outside the small window to find the sign of the Mohican staring at me. It wasn’t too far away from the Pizzeria so that made sense. I also spotted my Chrysler parked outside which meant that she must have driven me here. Did she know how to drive?

I heard the sound of the door clicking open on the other side of the room.. I hadn’t even realised that it was locked. It opened to a very disgruntled looking girl carrying a small plastic bag. She looked annoyed to see me holding up reasonably well. I suppose that was only fair considering the circumstances.

“So…” I said as she pulled out an aliquot of pills. “What happened?”

She looked at me funny.

“I mean, after I had a panic attack and passed out.” I added. She handed me a pill and a bottle of water. I complied. This whole interaction felt very awkward.

The water swirled in my mouth as I dropped the pill and swallowed.

“I borrowed your car and drove you here.”

“No but-”

“My family runs the Mohican. That’s why you are here.”

“No but why-”

“Lily called me to ask if it was normal for you to violently pass out. I said I didn’t know.” She looked around the room for a bit and then decided on leaning against the wall.

Jessie Frazer stood there in her umpteenth short sleeved grey T-shirt and a pair of knee-length blue denim shorts that looked straight out of the CVS prime discount sale. Her long, flowing locks of white hair extended past her shoulders. As always dyed with extreme prejudice. She had been the star of the track team back in middle school which showed in how well-toned and slender her physique was. Suffice to say, she was popular with both the boys and girls.

“You know you can sit beside me, right?”

“Gross. Pervert. Scum. Humanity’s worst.” She also had absolutely no filter between her brain and what came out of her mouth. Probably why none of her relationships ever lasted too long.

“Even I will get hurt if you keep calling me those things everytime we meet, Jes.” She didn’t look like she cared. “Anyway, why does she have your number?”

“I gave it to her.”

“Huh?”

“I gave her my number.”

“Why?” She stared at me.

“Because I felt like it.” I kept staring. “Fine, she looked cute.”

“Ah.” Now it made more sense. “She does look like the type you go for.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Doesn’t swing that way though.”

“You asked?”

“Yeah. Not taking any chances after last time.”

“Right.” She had tried to hook up with Sanya Jun in freshman year. It hadn’t gone well. “It still wasn’t your fault though. She went around claiming that she was into the ladies just so the boys wouldn’t hit on her. How is anyone supposed to know that?”

“Yeah, but she’s bi. So I still did get rejected.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s breaking your stoic lesbian character.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I laughed. The pounding in my head had more or less subsided. It only felt like a distant echo now.

“So I am not exactly sure what went down between you two but I am guessing she made you listen to your own voice, didn’t she?” She asked, her feet tapping the floor with every pause in her voice.

“Yeah.”

“Well shit. Why would she do that?” Tap.

“Blackmail.”

“Say what now?” Tap. Tap. Tap.

“Yeah I don’t quite get it yet. But she seems to have known me for far, far longer than I have her.”

“So like what, a superfan?” Tap. Tap.

“That sounds pretty weird to think about, let’s not go with that.”

“Right. Anyway.” Tap. She paused. Tap. “How do you wanna explain yourself?”

“I- I don’t know.” She deserved to know at the very least that she wasn’t directly the reason for my plight today. But how could I ever show her the person she so desperately wanted to meet. It’s not like he ever really existed in the first place.

“Well, figure it out quickly.” I heard the sound of footsteps approaching from outside. Jes looked at me and waved. “Good luck, homeboy.” She walked out as Lily Hoover opened the door. I suddenly remembered her hands touching my cheeks. Oh. The air conditioning must not be working quite right.

She closed the door and leaned against the frame. An exhausted look on her face. I almost felt bad for passing out in front of her. Almost. I slowly walked up to her. She was looking at me, but almost like she was looking past me. A gaze that stretched far past this room, in her eyes.

“Let’s take a walk.” I said softly. She nodded and moved to the side as I opened the door again. It opened up to the inner courtyard of the modest establishment. A gravel path cut through the otherwise paved premises, bordered by neatly trimmed flower beds filled with the usual seasonal bloom.

I motioned towards Lily as I started walking out, but she had disappeared from my side. Her steps in leaps and bounds, she quickly walked past the lovely bushes planted around the perimeter. I looked at the sky only to see the Sun quickly fading out of sight. Clouds coalescing slowly. A deep inky black.

“Tell me.” She said as I struggled to catch up with her. “Tell me why I should apologise.”

I found myself at a loss for words. Why should she apologise?

“I don’t take back anything I have said. Even if it hurts, it’s the truth. Something that you have yet to give me.” The wind was slowly picking up. Her dress fluttered and flowed in it. The Sunlight occasionally peeked in through the thin clouds in motion, casting her in a brilliant afterglow.

Like a moribund spear, falling through the sky.

She didn’t need to apologise. I just wanted her to understand.

“Lily, wait!” She paused and tilted her head to look back at me. It felt almost supernatural as we stood on the sidewalks and the gust of the wind made her hair fly with the wind. Fallen leaves swirling on the ground, a whirlpool of dreams. I walked towards her, pushing through the wind and stopped when I thought she could hear me over the gathering storm.

“You are right. I lied. I didn’t quit because I woke up one morning and decided that playing the piano was not for me. I didn’t quit because I suddenly decided that something I had worked at my whole life wasn't going to be a part of how I would be defined anymore.” I took a deep breath and continued. “You don’t need to apologise for anything you said. Frankly, it’s almost like I wanted you to tell me off. To call me out for being a fake. Because I knew you could tell.” I hoped she did anyway. “That I wanted this lie to be the truth. That I wished it was that easy. But it isn’t. And I am sorry but I still don’t feel comfortable telling you why I am the way I am right now.”

She turned towards me and came closer. Closer. And then she punched me. Right in the gut. I recoiled from the impact and bent down, my eyes on the ground below. Deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. The pain subsided slowly and throughout it all, she stood still. Looking at me, towering over me. I slowly stood back up again. She was grinning. Grinning like she did whenever she wasn’t forcing herself to look the part. It felt real.

“That’s for lying to me all this time and also being a jerk and collapsing in front of me.” Then she took out her phone and deleted the recording she had made. “And this is a thank you.” Really, this girl was such a handful.

Like a whirling silver, flashing a brilliant white.

“We should really head back now. Probably not a good idea to stay out here.” The wind had stopped all of a sudden and the sky felt heavy. Like it was about to come crashing down in all its might. I started walking towards the motel when I felt her grab my shirt. I looked back to find her pointing at the car. Oh, right.

“Do you want me to drop you off or… Wait!” She had already made her way to the car and was getting into the driver’s seat. No, I don’t think ‘handful’ cut it. I said ‘shotgun!’ to myself and climbed on board the passenger seat. “Where are we going?” I said aloud. She didn’t answer. She tried starting the vehicle but it kept sputtering out.

“Uh…”

“Neil. How old is this junk you drive around.”

“I will be honest, I am not sure.”

“Was Jes driving you here a lucid dream? Are you sure this thing even works?”

“Believe me… 60% of the time, it works-”

“Oh no you don’t.” She punched my arm. It really didn’t hurt the same. The car felt comfy to sit in at least. It was probably better staying inside, than being out there and trying to make a run for the motel.

“So, what do you wanna do?” I asked. An innocent question. She smiled.

When the sky fell down on the town at the edge of the world.

“I want you to tell me why you panicked the way you did.” She looked straight into my eyes and then said softly. “If you can’t tell me everything about yourself just yet, the least you can do is tell me why hearing your own voice on the recorder made you-” She stopped and contemplated for a bit. “So violently ill.”

A laugh escaped me.

“Not mincing words, are we?”

“I want to be leading with an example, okay?”

“Fine.” I composed myself, remembering that chilly October afternoon last year. The series of events that had turned lives upside down. The town of Willowby into a web of mysteries and conspiracies. And who knew that it would start on an unassuming Monday on the 5th of October.

“Last year in October, Luke Rogers was arrested for charges of arson and attempted murder. And it was my fault.”

And then that dazzling brilliance brought forth a violent, heavy downpour.