The Otaku Meets The Family

Sometime after Ichika’s briefing, I sit back at home, before I have to go play boyfriend at her family’s estate.

Thankfully, she already sent me the address, and turns out she lives nearby, so I can make it there by foot.

That also means I have the time to study her notes a bit before I leave.

With that in mind, I flip open the notepad, as I sit up on my bed.

“Hm…”

I carefully scan the text.

The hell?

When I was 2, I had a dog named Pochita…

My cat’s name is…

My mom’s favorite cooking recipe is…

My favourite color is….

…

My OTP….

My favourite pen brand….

The words I hate to hear the most while at church…

What the hell is with this utterly useless information?! Who cares about pens? And church?!

I haven’t even read half of it, and I can’t remember jack shit already!

Does her father really know all this? How am I supposed to cope if he asks me something out of page 3? Why hasn’t she highlighted the important bits? And what’s with that hand writing? Did she write all that using her foot?!

Ah…

As my arms slump down to my sides, I gaze up at the ceiling.

That family is bound to be crazy.

I give up…

I’m definitely not doing this…

…

As I fix my black tie, and pat down the white shirt I’ve tucked into my tight black dress pants, I muster the courage to ring the bell stationed next to the door.

I’m actually doing this?

As the faint sound of the doorbell fades further into the household before me, my beating heart rate only grows more intense.

I can’t believe I’m this nervous! I’ve been on dates before, for goodness sake!

Finally, the door opens, revealing a middle-aged man with neatly slicked-back greying hair - Ichika's father. He greets me with a professional smile and a nod.

“Welcome, you must be Haruhi-kun.”

He has a weird meancing aura about him..

It's also strange that Ichika didn't answer the door herself, but I won't let that deter me.

I return the smile and step inside as instructed.

“Hello, Hayasaka-san. I’m Naruse Haruhi. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

A firm handshake ensues.

As I enter the house, I notice Ichika's mother, a well-dressed, slightly plump woman with straight blonde hair, and Ichika herself, standing by her side, looking all dressed up.

Ichika's father guides me to the living space, which seems rather typical of a western-styled house, and from there I exchange greetings with her mother.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Hayasaka-san.”

“Oh please, call me Kaori, dear.” With a soft smile, Ichika’s mother gave her reply, “…Or you can just call me mom!”

PFFFFFTTT!!!

Her statement was so far out of left field I almost broke face!

With a menacing side-eye, Ichika chided

“Mom…”

“Yes, see? Just like that!”

“Heh, I don’t think that’s what Ichika meant…” I smiled wryly.

After successfully meeting both parents, I turned to my fake girlfriend.

Truth be told, she seemed almost too eager, or probably forced, to take this seriously, since she went all out with a light frilly dress, some light make up and has even ditched the glasses for once!

Upon closer inspection, her face is quite well-proportioned without those bottle-bottomed hindrances in the way.

After the quick once over, I give her my most charming smile.

“Good to see you.”

“…”

With a slightly awkward nod herself, the girl before me turned and made for the kitchen stationed at the far right corner of the living space.

Oye, aren’t we supposed to be a couple? What was with that awkward nod?!

Not to mention she’s awfully quiet today for someone as sassy and gorilla-like as her.

“So, Haruhi-kun, please have a sit while Kaori and Ichika serve the dinner.”

Fixing my tie slightly I take a seat right as instructed.

“….”

Although for some reason Ichika’s father has decided to sit right NEXT to me.

NOW I feel like I’m really being tested!

And what the hell is with this thick atmosphere? It feels like I walked into a bloodthirsty sorcerer’s domain!

Thankfully, right as Yuuto-san was asking me all sorts of the trivial, nonsensical questions, like information about school, sports and my hobbies, Ichika and her mother brought over a complete feast for everyone to indulge in.

After everyone was seated, the dinner began.

The table was lined with a pork dish, a salad, as well as everyone’s individual serving of rice.

Instead of the usual chopsticks though, next to each plate respectively led a fork, a knife and a spoon, in standard western-style fashion.

Suddenly, Ichika’s father came firing.

“Haruhi-kun, I’m curious. Where did you meet Ichika?”

There it is! Question number 1…

Wait.

Ichika’s notepad was all about HER, and HER hobbies! Information about US, was never disclosed to me!

Uh-oh…

Does that mean I have to spawn a believable story now?

With a very audible gulp, I fix my tie once again and pass a fleeting glare at Ichika for a second.

“That’s a rather odd question…”

“Yuuto-san sure is curious sometimes, haha.” Kaori-san, chuckled to herself, as she began eating.

“When it comes to my daughter, of course I am.”

Yeah, sure buddy.

“So? Ichika already told me about her side of the story.”

She did WHAT now?! That makes it even harder! I now have to GUESS what our story is like instead of just spawning one?!

Passing another fleeting glare towards Ichika, I opted to use the “I can’t answer, I’m eating!” technique I had invented for situations just like this! This should buy me some time…

With a moderate spoonful of rice, I stuff my mouth just enough so it’s visible I can’t speak.

Crunch.

Eh?

Is rice supposed to be crunchy?

“Oh, Haruhi-kun! That’s the rice Ichika made for you! Do you like it?” Kaori-san looked up from her plate, a clear smile adorning her face.

Ichika… made this?

“Aham…” She cleared her throat awkwardly.

Looking at her with my mouth still full, her eyes stared back at me apologetically. With slightly rosy chicks, she ultimately looked away in guilt.

“It’s… nice!”

Crunch.

Knowing Ichika made this doesn’t make it any less crunchier though.

What’s with this rice? Basmati? I sound like a machine gun over here…

After begrudgingly gulping down the mass of bullets, I turn to her father.

Now what?

As I’m about to speak, a very clear, very painful, kick is landed against my shin from underneath the table.

And of course it’s Ichika, making some weird eye movement jutsu techniques,

Having no clue what that even meant, I decide to go with half the truth, that is the most basic of stories.

“Uhm, Hayasaka—“

“Please, call me Yuuto.”

These adults seem weirdly friendly today, but oh well…

“Then, Yuuto-san.” I nod slightly before continuing “We met in school, we’re in the same class so it kind of happened.”

“Hmm…” Her father weighed in my answer, as he tapped around his mouth with a napkin. “Ichika told me you met on the library.”

Yikes…

No worries, this is still savable!

“Sure, we met in the school’s library, but as her classmate I had my eye on her for quite some time.” Without losing my composure, I explain.

“Oh, I see.”

Without breaking face, Ichika’s father resumed eating, causing Ichika to visibly deflate like a balloon from the released tension.

That was a close call…

“Wow, Haru-kun, that was a cool line!” While Ichika’s carefree mother enjoyed the hint of drama and spice in the conversation over dinner, Ichika silently protested.

“Shush mom, you’re embarrassing me…”

Yuuto-san however, kept up the pressure

“Do you happen to know Ichika’s birthday?”

What kind of question is that? But of course I do, page 3, line 4.

“It’s 1st of September, a day she kinda hates.” With a smile, I take a bite out of the pork. It’s pretty well made, so Ichika is definitely not the one who made it, for sure. It would probably have tasted like a plastic lid otherwise.

“Then what about her favourite food?”

That’s schoolboy stuff, Mr. Father!

“Yakisoba.”

“Favourite colour?”

“Purple.”

“Tsk.”

Oye, did my guy just click his tongue at me?!

“Anata?”

“No, never mind dear…” Yuuto-san smiled at his wife, before he turned back to me. “You seem to know quite a lot about my daughter.”

“Well it so happens we’re dating, Yuuto-san.”

We’re not, but he can’t know that. Nor that I studied meticulously about her before coming here.

“Then, Ichika.”

“Yesh?!”

For the first time tonight, Ichika was startled to a point that she finally raised her voice within the hearing frequencies of human hearing capabilities.

Suddenly put on the spotlight by her father however, the bossy, and sassy Ichika that I’ve come to know since yesterday is nowhere to be found. At her place, stands a nervous fidgeting mess.

I wonder, is this how she gets when she’s around her father? Or is it due to the stress of having to act out a fake relationship?

“You have your boyfriend over, yet you haven’t uttered a word, dear.” With a frown, Ichika’s father addressed her again.

“Eh-to….” Ichika looked around, almost physically searching for the answer “What would you have me say then, father?”

“I don’t know.” Yuuto-san mused, as he looked between us briefly.

“You don’t seem all that in love to me...”

What?! Is he actually onto us?!