Comedy Duo

I didn’t bother paying much attention in class the next day, all of that now seemed trivial in comparison to the challenges that lied ahead of us.

“Yo.” Emmett immediately greeted me upon my entrance.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

“Uh….going to class?”

“Okay.”

Once the first class was over, I proceeded to head over to the library to calmly think things over. Of course, what I really ended up thinking about was a whole lot of rubbish. I sat there in silence, unbothered as people came and went, until it was time to head to the next class.

“Yo.” Emmett immediately greeted me upon my entrance.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

“Uh….going to class?”

“Okay.”

For some odd reason, I felt like our exchange right now was very familiar, but I shrugged it off, unable to put my finger on it.

I had almost no free time before the next class, so I headed there without taking any detours, although not going in any sort of rush, either.

“Yo.” Emmett immediately greeted me upon my entrance.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

“Uh….going to class?”

“Okay.”

Hold on a second, something wasn’t right here.

“Are you an idiot?” I leaped towards Emmett furiously. “Is this a time loop? Am I living in a stimulus? Why the hell did we have the exact same conversation with the exact same words three separate times!”

“How the hell should I know, man, you started it!”

“No, you did!”

“All I said was yo! It’s perfectly acceptable to say yo multiple times! What’s weird is asking me what the hell I’m doing here every single time!”

“Yeah, because I was confused by your presence!”

“What exactly is confusing about a university student attending university, you idiot?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Um, no?”

“Wel, think about it this way, basically….BUZZLOOKANALIEN!” I pointed behind him, and as soon as he turned I sprinted away.

“What was that?” Emmett screamed in confusion. “Have you finally gone insane?”

Oh, right, they didn’t have televisions here, meaning films didn’t exist yet, so obviously that was a reference he was physically incapable of comprehending. Luckily for me, no one was here yet, so I’d avoided embarrassing myself in front of dozens of students. However, that sort of logic wouldn’t keep me from doubling down for no reason.

“Emmett, we have to cook.” I whispered while cautiously approaching him.

“Huh? Cook what?” His confusion intensified. “Since when can you cook, anyways?”

“Since always, idiot! My product is 99% pure! Do you know what that means?”

“Couldn’t care less, unfortunately.”

Damn, so he hadn’t gotten this reference, either. Maybe I should have just shaved my head…

“Dude, I have no clue what you’ve been talking about, for like, the past three hours.”

“What! You don’t understand a simple greeting?”

“When did I say that!?”

“Right now, you said you had no clue what I’ve been talking about for the past three hours, that includes when I entered this room.”

“It’s a figure of speech…”

“No, it’s not.”

“Who the hell are you, the language god?”

“How did you figure out my true identity?” I jumped back in awe. “Your powers of detection are magnificent...”

At this point, the class started filling out, putting our comedic act to an unceremonious end.

I reminded Emmett about our plans later with a much more serious tone, and he somehow answered by nodding, giving a thumbs up, and saying “yeah, yeah” all at once. What an amazing multitasker…

After class, we headed out together.

“What was all that about, back there?”

“What was what about?”

“Those random things you were waffling about.”

“I did no such thing.”

“You little-”

“You should maybe get yourself checked, Emmett, if you aren’t feeling well.”

“Forget it…”

He then proceeded to not speak another word until we had hopped onto the train.

“Not gonna lie, I can’t wait to see how the rest of the memories are gonna play out.” He shivered excitedly.

“Are you dumb? I’m standing in front of you, so you already have the ending spoiled, idiot.”

“Yeah, I know, I know, I meant more like the plot and the narrative…”

“This is real life, not an anime!”

“Is Arthur gonna survive or not…”

“I just told you, I’m right here! You have your answer!”

“Don’t spoil it, dumbass!”

“My presence is in itself a spoiler, so how can I respoil you!?”

“You’re a fraud, in my book….terrible protagonist.”

“You haven't even seen the rest of the show yet!”

We kept up this banter the entire way, until we finally returned to my home.

“Shit, I forgot my key!” I said while reaching into both of my pockets and finding nothing.

“Guess it’s up to me to save the day.” Emmett said.

“What, you’re gonna spawn a random key?”

“Worse than that: I’m going to knock.”

“I could have done that too!”

Emmett then got into a weird pose, a “position to strike” as he called it, a defensive mechanism should any danger arise. He then proceeded to bring his knuckles up to the door extremely slowly, so slow that I could have probably found a way back to Earth by now if I hadn’t decided to wait patiently for his super move. And then finally, after approximately 7.3 billion years, a miracle occurred: His fist finally collided with the door, emitting a sound eerily similar to the one that occurs when you knock on a door. The reason for their similarities is due to Emmett also having knocked on a door.

And then, the worst situation possible occurred. The person who opened the door to let us in was none other than my father, Dan Barnaby, the man himself. I had completely miscalculated and forgot that my parents were due to return today, and thus me and Emmett found ourselves face to face with the two of them, each waiting for someone else to react first.