The First Memory

 I clung tightly to my pillow, not even considering the possibility of leaving the comfort of my bed. Touko always slept late, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Lili didn’t get up until later. I remember kissing Touko’s forehead to motivate myself to get out of bed. It’d be weird to do that now, wouldn’t it? We’re basically strangers again… but at the same time, we’re not? Lost in my thoughts, I saw Lili’s eyes flutter open.

With a groan and a stretch, she began talking in her half-asleep voice, “I had a dream last night… she really is just me.”

Finding common ground, I sat on her bed and replied, “I had a dream about Touko, too. What was your dream?”

“I was in a field of begonias and poppies; she was standing with her back to me, and we talked. I apologized for keeping her from you, and she laughed, saying I sounded just like you. Then I realized what you said about her music taste and how it merged with yours…”

“What about it?” I asked.

“With the way the two of us are- I wouldn’t be surprised if she considers you a part of herself. So, I have an idea.”

She stood up, digging through a drawer and retrieving a bag of pocket cash the organization lent us. “Let’s go shopping, Haru,” she said with a hint of mischief. I wasn’t sure what she was planning on doing, so I followed her with a touch of excitement mixed with apprehension.

Walking along the town with what little money we had, Lili had a clear goal in mind. I followed her around, her eyes darting from store to store until we walked in front of an accessory store. Excitedly, she waltzed in and beelined to the hair accessories. I looked on with both adoration and confusion. A few minutes later, she returned to me with two hair clips.

“I felt drawn to these. Which one do you like more?” She presented the hairclips- a gold rose key and a silver bird. After pondering for a minute, I pointed to the key. Without saying a word, she returned to the display and returned the bird hairclip before buying the key.

“Are you going to tell me your plan now?” I asked, teasing Lili.

“Not yet; I feel like I’m being pulled somewhere, like someone is screaming at me to go.”

I stayed silent and followed her.
—
After some walking, we arrived at a park. Flowers were blossoming on the trees, reminiscent of back home. Lili stares at them, entranced as she watches the flower petals fall.

“I can tell you my plan now.” She announced, sweeping the right side of her bangs over her forehead and clipping them into place.

“If you were a part of Touko’s identity… maybe I’ll regain my memories faster if you were part of mine. Instead of trying to be more like her, I can be more like you!”

A feeling of unease washed over me when I looked at her. Her bangs were almost long enough to cover one eye with the side clipped away, just like mine.

“If you think this will help you regain your memories, then I’d do anything, but…”

“Buuut?”

“I don’t want you to lose yourself for my sake, Tou… Lili.” I quickly corrected myself.

Lili seemed to catch my slip-up but neglected to comment on it. Instead, she stared at the trees intensely again. I open my mouth to speak, but Lili abruptly hushes me. Then, she winces in pain and holds onto her head. Frantically, I hold her close, bombarding her with questions, “Are you okay? Do you need to go home?”

“I see… something…” She whispered

“What do you see?” I spoke in a soft, quiet voice to soothe her.

“We’re in school uniforms…”

She begins to recall this memory.
—
Throughout high school, I was never popular. Sure, I had a few friends, but none understood me. It felt more like an artificial connection than a genuine friendship, except for Touko Moriyama. At times it felt like we were bound by fate; there was no one I’d rather spend eternity with. I hoped that she would feel the same. I had nothing to lose on the last day of school, so I went for it.

Cherry blossoms adorned the trees, and I asked Touko to meet me under a tree by the school. As the petals fell around us, I confessed my feelings to her.

“Touko, everything in my life felt like a haze until I met you. The only one in this world who knows me, inside and out, is you. So much so that it feels wrong to stay friends with you. Instead, I want to be your boyfriend.”

My eyes were passionate and hopeful as I spilled my feelings onto the floor. In response, Touko began digging through her bag. After a few seconds, she pulled out a letter.

“When you said you wanted to meet me here, I was surprised because I planned to do the same thing!” She chuckled, her eyes welling up with tears. She opened the letter and began reading it.

“Haru, maybe this letter surprises you, but deep down, I hope it doesn’t. Ever since I met you, I felt like I finally belonged. I didn’t realize how much it hurt when others didn’t notice me until I met you. You make me feel whole; you make me feel like I have a purpose. For that reason, Haruki Nakamura, I want to be your girlfriend.”

Our laughter almost turned into emotional tears as we embraced, trying our best not to cry on the other person’s shoulder. Then, we lifted our heads and pressed our foreheads together.
—
I held Lili tighter in my arms as she recounted the day we confessed to each other.

“We were so alone… before we met each other,” she strained, still holding her head in her hands. I ran my fingers through her hair, gently untangling the knots. Resting my cheek on her head, I tried to shield her from the pain she was experiencing.

“I’ll try… to remember more,” she said.

“If it hurts, please stop, Lili.”

“I don’t care about myself… my existence hurts you; it burdens you, so I’ll do my best to erase it.”

“It doesn’t hurt or burden me. I care about you and Touko so much… so please, let’s go home.”

She lifts her head, causing me to let go of her. She looks at the ground solemnly and agrees to leave the park.
—
We walked home with a tense silence between us. When we arrived home, a letter was calmly sitting on our doorstep. Upon opening it, we were greeted with an invitation.

“To Haruki Nakamura and Touko Moriyama,

Greetings! We hope you’re getting settled in well. Perfect timing, too, because we host a yearly party to welcome those who have been here less than a year. With this letter, we welcome you to the Newcomer’s Ball. It’ll be held in the castle that towers over the town a week from today during the evening. We hope to see you there.

~The Newcomer’s Organization.”

Glancing at Lili, she nodded her head.