Chapter 24. Best Birthday Present Ever!

“Fucking hell! We are literally getting fucked by a fucking level E dungeon pikachu!” I complained as two hours had gone by and we were still at a standstill.

While the fucking Ashe does not have that much hp, he’s insane regen takes Mia’s strongest attack to even out and with my only offensive attack been a fucking thunderbolt, the pikachu has been tanking my hits for his weakass master and the fuck fight is not going smoothly at all!

Without my attacks to add the needed damage, Mia had long stopped trying to attack the Ashe and instead, trying to land an attack on the pikachu without success. Whatever the speed the fucker is moving at, is way faster for any of our attacks and I can finally understand why people would need multiple damage spells because what we need right now, is to kill this fucking pikachu with a spell that can guarantee a hit and does something other than lightning damage.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I screamed again as the pikachu jumped in to tank the damage once again. Whatever this pikachu is, one thing for sure is that it’s got many skills and whenever lightning damage is involved, it would tank the damage for its master and take 1 hp damage due to its extremely high lightning resistance.

“THUNDERBOLT! THUNDERBOLT! THUNDERFUCKINGBOLT!” I screamed over and over as I chugged a full mana pot and tried to spam my thunderbolt as much as I could to take advantage of the delay in the recovery speed.

If you are wondering. Ken? Why are you wasting mana and sending thunderbolts at the fucker if you know the pikachu is immune and would just tank your hit for 1 damage?

Well. I don’t know if you failed first grade or what but let me give you a hint. Poison. You got it? Good. With my best skill poison laced. While my thunderbolt is doing shit to the pikachu, thanks to its desire to protect the stupidass master from lightning damage. My thunderbolt is the only thing that we have which would actually hit the motherfucker because he would jump into it and slowly, my poison damage is ticking away at its health.

“Emma. How much hp does the rat have left?” I asked, after wasting the past hour blasting at the rat while we made no progress on the actual boss.

“A few more hits and it should be dead. Don’t kill it just yet though. We should wait until the boss summons again before killing the pikachu so we at least have a few minutes to do damage. He only uses his skill every 3 minutes so If it summons another pikachu right away, we would have wasted the past hour for no reason if we don’t time the kill.” Emma advised.

Good job my trusty sidekick. Obviously I don’t think too deeply about the strategies as I am more of a fuck shit up as I go type of person. It’s good that my blondie is actually smart and not a dumb one like they portray on American television.

“THUNDERBOLT! THUNDERBOLT! Get ready China girl!” I screamed as I sent 2 bolts one after the other at the stupidass boss the moment he threw out another pokeball and summoned a stupidass caterpie.

With my poison ticking down, the pikachu suddenly vanished as Emma was already boosting up China girl in preparation for her to start blasting the boss.

“FIRE EXPLOSION!” she started shouting and the goofy ass kid started blowing up from the intense fire explosion.

But just like China girl said, while her attack is powerful, this random ass level E boss was somehow regening hp like a madman.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I screamed as I layered on my damage to finally see the motherfucker’s hp going down.

After 3 minutes of Mia holding his regen at bay while my attacks chunked away at his health, we held our breath as he threw out the next pokeball knowing that if it’s another pikachu like the first one. We will have a long night ahead of us.

“FUCKING HELL! It’s another fucking pikachu!” I screamed and saw a new fucking yellow rat getting summoned by the fucker.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I shouted as I launched one more attack at the boss while expecting the new pikachu to tank the hit and start a new cycle of doing nothing but wasting our energy and potions. From now on to keep the damage we already dealt, Emma and Mia would need to keep on boosting and attacking the boss so he doesn’t just heal back to full.

This fucking fight will be a fucking drag, I hope we have enough fucking pots. I don’t want to die to a fucking level E dungeon and have people remember me as the fucker who dead a virgin to a fucking 10 year old pokemon trainer dungeon boss with a mega cutie right next to me.

Thankfully my worries were for not and for whatever reason probably because it is a fucking level E dungeon after all. The new pikachu summoned by Ashe is a piece of trash compared to the original and thank god it behaved like the other level E monsters he had summoned.

“THUNDERFUCKINGBOLT! Die you motherfucker!” I screamed as we finally got Ashe low enough for me to deliver the final blow.

Once the original pikachu was destroyed. The fight became much easier and ended up functioning like a regular typical level E dungeon boss where all it took was some time and we eventually got to the point where he was one hit away from dying.

With my poison ticking, the dungeon boss suddenly shattered into pieces and the victory screen began to flash on our screens.

“Thank fucking god that it was over. Emma. Next time no matter what dungeon we are fucking in. Better do a through guide before we start the fucking fight. I was scared I would die a virgin back when the fucker summoned the second pikachu.” I said as we approached the disappearing boss waiting for our loot to drop.

“Why is that I never get the fucking bonus drop? I am the fucking leader and the one that delivered the killing blow! Man those fucking dungeons hates me.” I complained as once again I didn’t get the bonus drop from the boss kill.

“So overly dramatic, you literally get the bonus drop as often if not more than the rest of us.” Peasant 2 had the audacity to say when that’s obviously not true. Not that I have counted of course, I just know she is bullshitting me.

“Happy birthday Ken!” Emma shouted happily as she materialized a yellow stone and handed it to me.

“Really? I feel cheated! If I was the one to get the bonus drop you would still need to get me a real gift!” I complained as I finally got a second soul stone.

“Relax! I obviously got you something for your birthday! This is just a birthday gift from the dungeon! Now open it!” Emma demanded happily as the dungeon started to disappear with the defeat of the boss.

With the dungeon gone, I saw a few disappointed hunters leaving the area all sad after their hunt ended prematurely. That’s what you get for not helping me when I started the boss fight you assholes. Did you fuckers expect me to die so you could hunt a little longer?

“KEN! What did you get!” Emma shouted impatiently and got me out of my daze.

Opening up my inventory and getting the stone out, I clicked on the item as the popup screen came up asking me to verify if I indeed wanted to consume this item. No shit I do, that’s why I fucking clicked on the fucking item.

“Passive skill acquired. Ashe Soul. Passive bonus(Always Active), +10 hp every second(Can not go above max hp), additional bonus skill, Active Skill(Cost 100 mana per cast),Pikachu I choose you! 10 fucking hp per second. How did it go from him literally having insane regen to giving me 10 fucking hp regen a second with no stat boosts or anyway to make that shit more useful!” I complained.

“Get on with the active skill Ken! Stop wasting time complaining.” China girl said. Bitch! I will complain all I fucking want and I ain’t stopping!

"Pikachu I choose you.(Maximum. 1 active)-summons a random level 1 Pikachu that will gain exp. Gain a new skill every 5 levels. After 15 seconds of not taking damage, able to itemize and keep in inventory. When the current Pikachu dies or a new one is summoned, all exp and skills learned resets.” I read the skill out loud while trying to process the information.

“So that’s why his first pikachu was so strong. On the forums it says the pokemon dungeon with Ashe as the boss is an ultra rare dungeon and the difficulty is about one level higher because of the pikachu but no one knows why the first pikachu was so strong.” China girl added as she flipped through the forums looking up info on our toughest boss dungeon not counting the Level C exam dungeon.

“Do you guys understand what this fucking means? With the fucking pikachu, I will actually have a fucking use for gaining exp. HOLY FUCK! Best birthday gift ever! Thanks Emma!” I yelled happily while hugging my beautiful blondie.

Obviously our intimacy didn’t last long as the asshole stalking butler showed up like a fucking ninja to break us apart.

“China girl! Aren’t you like rich as fuck too? Why don’t you have an annoying butler following you around?” I asked while trying to get this old fucker off.

“My dad doesn’t think highly of me so he spoils my more talented siblings while I just get enough of an allowance to not have to worry about money.” China girl answered casually.

“I mean, he is right. You aren’t that talented but he is a terrible father for judging you for your lack of talent.” I replied, trying to comfort my online bff to the best of my ability.

“Alright. I just saved a bunch of my allowance from that mana ring I was about to buy for you.” Petty petty China girl replied like I wasn’t spitting the truth. I was trying to comfort her anyways? Why the fuck did she get mad for?

Gifts or not, getting this pikachu skill where I could finally use exp and one day possibly have a powerful summon had made me more than happy and glad that we cleared this boss on my 18th birthday.

Since it’s almost 4 in the morning, the streets got quite fast after the dungeon disappeared and Emma was nice enough to give the two peasants a ride home while I was thinking hard about how to utilize this amazing summoning skill I just got.

“Goodnight Ken, Emma! Happy birthday!” Peasant 1 said as she got out of the limo.

“Goodnight Emma. Happy birthday Ken.” Peasant 2 said with a yawn.

As the two disappeared through the fancy glass apartment gate to Mia’s expensive high rise apartment, Albert finally started driving to my place. I guess as a stalker himself, he knows to wait for the girls to get to safety before driving away.

“Goodnight Ken! Happy birthday!” Emma said to me happily while handing me a present as I got out of the car ready to pass out for the next 12 hours.

“Night Emma! Thanks for the gift.” I replied and waved as the limo drove away before I could even get the door closed.

That fucker! He waited for the peasants to get into the apartment building before driving away yet drove straight away before I was even fully out of the fucking car!

Too tired to bitch more about the fucking butler, I quickly got up to my apartment and went to sleep without bother taking a shower.

Well, I can’t believe I managed to bullshit a full arc worth of random shit! But with 4 years of academy life ahead, a world to save, dungeons to clear and cute girls to stare at, I think there is way more bullshit in my future!

WHAT THE FUCK?

That’s all he wrote and the story is now fucking over? I am just a fucking bullshit side project used for practice? You mean I am fucking getting cancelled on my fucking birthday? My epic journey to one day fuck over the final boss, save the world and marry my blondie or maybe someone else will never see the light of day? What bullshit fucking shit is this?

The End.