Fateful Day

Dusk. The surface was under the rain for the past hour. The sound of thunder repeated in the entire city, looking for a challenger. I was there to meet my competitor and take that challenge. I screamed everything I had for the lightning to strike me. But it wasn’t enough. Ultimately, the decision has to be made by me and me alone. I do wonder how did things end up that way. After all, fate doesn’t exist. Perhaps, I made some mistakes, but none of it matters now.

Time and time again, everyone sold me the same lies. There’s no point in living, but if that’s legitimate, why do I hesitate to do it right now? I tried everything at my disposal. Drugs, alcohol, religion, money, women. Nothing… Nothing worked at all. Yet when I finally embraced this truth then why at this moment, I can’t do it? Is there something I still seek?

If you had to ask anyone then the answer would be quite simple. I’m the worst person there ever was. I hate everything. My family, friends, work, and white privileged people. So, what holds me back? This world is insane, I’m not at fault for being pushed to do it. These rich people, those damned bastards, never treated me fairly.

My thoughts finally reached the point of incalculable turmoil. But eventually, all of it was meant to fade away. In the end, I think I understood what I wanted to experience. But that something is not meant to happen. Standing here on the edge of the bridge, people shouting for me to stop, they all make me feel nothing. I just could never experience the same pleasures of life as these greedy bastards. Slowly the resolve that I was looking for, visibly empowered my entire mind and body. In a perfect symphony, I felt it. The sweet release to end it all. This was it, my chance to jump.

The wind blessed my ears with harmony, the sound of the water below me touched my soul. Some may call me foolish, but I instinctively let go of the bridge, and down to the river I go. For a moment I felt free, my arms resembled wings I could fly deep into the earth’s core. My entire life flashed before my eyes. Don’t tell me even in this euphoria, I still had a shred of hesitation. Soon my mind returned to agony, but I knew there was no other way to end this misery. However, be it fate or not, right as I did let go, even if it felt like an eternity to me, someone interrupted my half-assed suicide.

“Are you crazy!?” A mysterious girl called for me. Her face indicated strong signals of concern. She was probably around my age, her long black hair blowing against my face. All I could do was just stare at her. I don’t know why but something about her made me feel calm yet again. But that’s not just it, I couldn’t describe it in words. Her struggle to keep me alive, it moved me. 

She had electric blue eyes and her clothes were bland blue, she had no sense of fashion style. But her courage made it up for it. Right as she was holding me, I couldn’t care less about my position, this was the first time when someone tried to save me from myself. I don’t know what to say. I didn’t want to drag down anyone with me.

“I guess we both are,” I said with a rather unpleasantly forced smile. Unfortunately to my demise, she was having none of it.

“But why would you do it?” she said whilst still holding my hands. Her eyes stabbed mine. I knew right away any half-assed answer won’t do.

“Honestly, I still question that myself, what I can say is that it’s not easy for me. I’m sorry, I won’t do this ever again.” As she heard my words, she seemed to calm down a bit. She finally let go of my hands.

“What’s your name?” she asked calmly.

“It’s Hitori.” At this point, I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen next.

“I guess you’re Japanese,” she said whilst softly smiling.

“I’m Anastasia”, as you can guess I’m Russian.” As she finished introducing herself, the mood became weird. I didn’t know what to say, except for one thing.

“Sorry for causing all of this trouble for you,” I said sincerely. She didn’t seem to like my apology.

“I don’t like these words; you should say thank you instead.” She stands up and attempts to show her hand movements, asking for me to correct myself.

“C’mon don’t be shy.” She doubles down. Damnit do I really have to embarrass myself any further? Oh well, at least it can’t get any worse.

“Just like this, say it. Thank you very much, Anastasia.” Okay, now she’s just toying with me. No way in hell I’ll say this to her face, just who the hell she thinks she is. Even if I wanted to decline it, her eyes distracted me, I didn’t want them to look sad.

“Fine, you win this one. Thank you, Anastasia.” Whilst finally completing this mockery I could see how she was giggling. But I could tell the mood was no longer awkward between us.

“Where do you live, I’ll help you to walk to your home,” Once again her voice was comforting for me to hear. It felt as if I had no choice but to walk with her. Whilst walking the rain finally stopped pouring. It indeed was one hell of a day. The path forward was generous enough to give us a view of the evening in the fall season. Leaves fell everywhere, and the smell made us city mouses feel like in the countryside.

“It’s a nice view, isn’t it?” I said it, hoping to break the silence between us. Anastasia seemed to agree with me.

“It sure is, I love that atmosphere right after the rain, it makes me feel like I’m recharged” She adds.

“I don’t mean to cross the line, but what about your parents? Got any friends?” She went straight to questions I didn’t feel comfortable to answer. But I can’t blame her for asking.

“Well, it’s all good, what about you?” I think she could tell that I was not eager to open up yet. But she didn’t seem to push it further.

“Well in all honesty, things could be a lot better for me, I live in a humble family, so I can’t always afford to do what I want, but it’s okay, at least I got friends.” She smiled. What a gentle spirit, I feel jealous of her.

“I can tell you this, I would never end up like this if it weren’t for some greedy white privileged oligarchs,” I said ruthlessly, assuming that she would understand. For a moment she stopped, her face looked different. The smile for a short while disappeared entirely. But she began walking again, I wasn’t sure why, maybe I did something wrong.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring back awful memories.” She shrugged it off, letting me know that it wasn’t the case.

“Well, we’re finally he-“, I was cut off by someone shouting from an expensive-looking car.

“Anastasia Solovyova, get back to the car, your father is waiting for your return.” She didn’t look happy to see whoever it was. Right after that mysterious man shouted to her, in an instant, she grabbed my hand.

“C’mon let’s run away!” she seemed serious about it. However, I refused.

“Sorry, I hate white privileged people, no matter who they are.” I didn’t let go of her hand and allowed the men to take her in the car. I saw these beautiful delicate eyes transform into something else. I couldn’t believe it, but that sweet personality disappeared. She was enraged. But I will not let myself to be taken advantage of by a pretty rich girl. No, it’s not a betrayal. It doesn’t matter If she saved me. Whether she likes it or not, we’re still strangers.

“You’re a monster!” she screamed these words to me. I just couldn’t care less. After witnessing her car drive away, I walked to the same miserable place I called home.