sceNe 44 - ᴛaᴄiᴛuʀN ɪNᴊuʀies

It was really sweet of Cryztal to try and cheer me up, but it ended up making the situation worse. Instead of thinking my scars were back, it seemed more like they were sentient or self-aware or something. Like they were hiding when other people were looking? But if I’m alone, they sometimes come back.

The rest of my day with Cryztal wasn’t much fun because I kept checking for my scars. They didn’t appear again after we left the waterpark, but the idea they could was enough to stress me out. I couldn’t get comfortable, and I was feeling tired, but didn’t want to pass out on the couch. As soon as I could, I went to bed. The next day I went to work like normal, and because I kept my arms covered, I couldn’t see if the scars were back. I thought it was best to leave it alone.

Why was this a problem now? Cryztal is the only person I’ve shown, but she didn’t know what I looked like before. If she didn’t see them, are they even there? Is this some kind of magical side effect from the potion? I can’t just wander through the study right now. Maybe on a day Cryztal does a long stream so she won’t have to think about it. Even if she said I could explore up there, she didn’t seem comfortable with it. Should I even be messing with magic? More importantly, did I ruin our date?

I couldn’t stand the idea that my scars were going to keep doing this to me. Out of reflex, I drove to my apartment instead of Cryztal’s house after work. Being back made me realize how little I was paying mind to Sandra, which made me feel worse. This really started to add up. My body was being terrible, I stressed out my girlfriend on our first date out somewhere special, and I’m disappointing my roommate. Cool. All cool things.

I decided that if I was home I would work on job applications. I really hadn’t been trying that hard. I should find something closer to Cryztal’s place. Probably an apartment out there too, since there’s no telling if/when Cryztal might feel comfortable letting me move in. Would Sandra want to move? She’ll be finishing up her degree soon, so she’ll probably need to move anyway. Should I look for a job first or an apartment?

I spent the evening going back and forth between job listings and apartments. Sandra came home and could hear me clicking on links. She peeked her head into my room to check on me.

“You’re here? To what do I owe the pleasure?” Sandra jested.

I gave a weak and sarcastic laugh. “I just decided I should come home sometime.”

“You sure your girlfriend’s bed isn’t your home these days?”

“I wasn’t feeling so good today, so I didn’t want to bother her.” It was the truth, in a way.

“Well if you don’t have dinner plans let me know. We can get whatever you want.”

I wish I could say that one night back at the apartment was all I needed, but the next day was pretty similar. And the day after that. I would find something else to do in my room or not want to get up so I didn’t have to know whether my scars were back or not. I just felt so drained thinking about what to do next.

What do I really want?