sCene 45 - ʀeCᴛiꜰiCaᴛioɴ

Nai-bu didn’t come back after work. I actually was barely hearing from her for the next few days. That’s normal, right? We didn’t say we were taking a break, but that has to be what’s going on. She just needs some time to herself. Or she doesn’t like me anymore? That could totally be a thing too. I am the terrible monster that ate her alive after all.

I knew I shouldn’t focus on that, but it is what I am. And I miss her so much! Before, when I thought about her, sure I’d get those mushy feelings, but they were always coupled with that horrendous desire to rip her apart. Complete disregard for her comfort, and an absolute focus on my own pleasure. But now? It’s just mushy stuff! I want to lay next to her and hold her hand! I want to be the little spoon!

While I was putting on a good face for stream, not having Nai-bu in chat also worried me. When the camera was off, I definitely looked much more stressed. Was I getting wrinkles under my eyes? Maybe my tablet’s camera was just broken. Regardless, I wasn’t going anywhere, and unfortunately my weekly plans were able to come to me instead.

Sitting in my living room on one of the new couches was Jason, with a six pack of beer. I didn’t like beer, but he emphasized that the bar-like atmosphere was ideal, even if we were just going to be talking in my house. It was part of his “normalizing” goal, so I could participate in the world again. This time he didn’t have the notebooks from before, and instead was reading off his phone. There was an air of confidence, which went terribly with my own stress.

“Okay, so junior year. Math class. You were trying to be out, and you were spending a lot of time with Casey.” Jason started.

“Yeah. Casey gave me some of my first clothes. She was really supportive.” Our school’s LGBT club was pretty underground.

“I wrote down that we were walking home from school and you said you might be having her over for dinner. You said you ‘hoped she’d be dessert’. That was absolutely you bragging, right?” Jason said this very seriously.

“Um…I think I meant more like…she and I might have sex after dinner…” I shyly admitted.

Jason looked perplexed. “Sex? But you were–”

“Did you not know I was sexually active in high school?” I asked, a little concerned.

He blushed, and looked away. “I…you were a minor. Minors can’t have sex. That’s the law.”

I absolutely cackled. This man really just said that. What a goodie two shoes.

“Hey! I know for a fact you ate her! She had a scar on her arm that was gone by the spring!”

That was news to me. “What’s a scar have to do with anything?”

“Didn’t I tell you? When people were resurrected they didn’t have scars. Nai-bu didn’t say anything?”

“We…didn’t really talk about that. It makes sense why she’s so soft then.”

That’s what she meant, wasn’t it? When she was worried about people seeing her scars. I took them away from her, but maybe she was afraid they were still there? It’s still my fault, but maybe not how I originally thought.

The session with Jason didn’t go much further, but I tried to think of what I could do to help Nai-bu. I had gotten so used to making time for her that I just had dead space where I was just hanging out in my house. I put the time to good use by cleaning and upkeep, because I wanted her to come back to a nice place, but when was she coming back?

Maybe I’ll just go get her.