On Mondays, He Wears Black

Monday couldn’t come fast enough for me. I wanted an opportunity to see Cody again, to smooth over my mistake and fix the damage I’d surely done.

I left our morning practice early, rushing back to the locker room to change, so that I could wait by the back entrance of the school and see if he came in that way.

Clearly I never learn, because I spent that hour scouring the crowd and receiving the same, “Who is this weirdo?” looks to no avail. I left heavy-hearted to go to History and take the test I’d spent all weekend studying for.

By the time I got out of History though, my mood had greatly improved, and I wanted to see Cody all the more, to thank him for his flashcards. Never in my life had I felt so confident after a History test, and it was all thanks to him.

That’s why come lunchtime, I snagged a protein bar out of my P.E. locker and decided to call that “lunch” (so healthy, I know) so that I could spend the period walking around the school, looking for a spider in the shadows.

To my great surprise, I actually found him in the back corner of the cafeteria, sitting alone at a table I swear I’d never seen before. He wore the same jacket as last week, with the hood up, and he was looking at something on his phone while he ate a sandwich.

Suddenly my feet stopped working. I didn’t know how to approach. The table seemed so far away, yet too close at the same time.

And for what it’s worth, I didn’t trust my mouth to work properly either.

Fool me once, right?

Before I could decide what to do, the universe decided to intervene. Cody looked up and made direct eye contact with me for the first time.

And he held it.

For a long moment.

Several tables separated us, but I swear they disappeared at that moment. Everything around us vanished into thin air, and the cafeteria dissolved into nothing but empty space. So vast yet so insignificant.

For those precious seconds, it was just me and him. Nobody else. Nothing else.

Then he looked down, and I let go of the breath I’d been holding.

I tried to look casual as I walked over, but I think that illusion was broken by how much my legs shook as I walked, or how I had to keep wiping my hands off on my pants.

I’d guess he was nervous too, because he’d been scrolling before he saw me, but now his thumb was poised over a dark screen. A little light managed to hit his face, and from what I could see, he was turning as red as I surely was.

I cleared my throat, and hoped my voice wouldn’t betray me as I asked, “Mind if I sit here?” while gesturing to the bench across from him.

“I don’t care,” he said.

Ah the hissing kitten was back.

I sat down, plopping my backpack next to me, and tried to look casual. I couldn't trust my hands not to shake so I had to sit on them, which probably ruined the illusion, but oh well.

"How was the math test?" I asked.

"Fine."

I wanted to ask what grade he got, but that felt like I'd be crossing a line. We're not that close.

Yet.

As if reading my mind -- or maybe it was written on my face -- he said, softly, "I got a B."

"Heyyy!" I exclaimed, a little too loudly. Several heads turned, and Cody tried to bury himself in the table. "That's awesome!" I said, a little softer. I gave the curious onlookers a sheepish grin, and most of them turned away.

Blushing furiously, all Cody could do was nod. He continued to stare straight at the table as if hoping he could disappear into the wood grain. His hands and phone had vanished beneath the table, and his shoulders slumped so far forward he was almost hidden in them.

“I don’t know what I got on my history test yet,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going, or at least to pull him out of his shoulders.

He nodded.

“But I’m sure I did better than usual.”

Another nod.

“Those flash cards really helped.”

And a third one.

“Thank you, Cody.”

“No problem.”

Finally a response! Albeit a mumbled one, but hey, progress is progress, right?

“You know, I think it’s the first time I actually feel confident in my answers in history.”

Aaand we were back to nodding.

“Usually I just guess C for everything, you ever heard of that trick? I guess it wouldn’t work well in math, or for short answer questions. I’m sure the teacher wouldn’t be happy if he asks what year World War II ended and I just answer ‘C.’”

My attempt at a bad joke elicited just the slightest hint of a smile on Cody’s face, but it was enough to make my heart beat fast and my chest feel all fluttery.

Oh how I long to see him smile fully. That must surely be a sight to behold.

It took me way too long to realize I was staring. In fact, I guess I didn’t realize it.

Not until he asked, “D-Do I have something on my face or something?”

“No, um, sorry, um…” Come on brain, think of something better to say than that.

As if to distract from my awkwardness, the warning bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

Phew. Saved by the bell. Literally.

As Cody started to get up, slinging his backpack onto his back before shoving his hands as deep into his pockets as they could go, I blurted out, “This was really nice.”

What a dumb thing to say when I already made him super uncomfortable. It came off sounding so fake even though I meant it with all my heart.

“Do you mind if I sit with you again tomorrow?”

He paused, standing just behind the bench, and seemed to hesitate for a second.

And it was the longest second of my life. I seriously felt like both time and my heart had stopped. Everything stood still.

“Do whatever you want,” he said.

My heart started beating again, and I grinned. “Awesome,” I said. “See you tomorrow then!”

I fled before he could change his mind, and hurried off to class.