Why Have You Forsaken Me

Anzu awoke in the darkness of Giuseppe's bedroom, a golden ray of morning light slicing through the small gap between the window curtains. Rubbing her knuckle against her eyes, she looked down onto the futon lying next to the bed, finding Giuseppe's blanket neatly folded up. He had already left for work. She sat on edge of the bed, resting her feet on the floor before getting up and opening the door to the living room.

She opened up all of the blinds in the apartment, her eyes drawn to the blanket of clouds sprawled across the sky. The clouds threw a dull, gray pall over the suburban neighborhood as white school busses went around collecting elementary school students from the curbs of their homes.

Anzu tied her hair in a half-up and proceeded into the kitchen to make herself breakfast, an act she herself found silly. She was dead and no longer needed food for sustenance, but given that she could still eat and enjoy the taste of food, she found no reason to give up that one, earthly pleasure. Humming an improvised tune, she unwrapped Giuseppe's loaf of potato bread and took out two slices, placing them on a smooth, wooden cutting board. She opened the cabinet above the counter and grabbed a short, round glass from the shelf.

"Let's see...I think I remember how to do this."

Anzu flipped the glass upside-down, using the rim to cut a circle out of each slice of bread. She readied a skillet on the stovetop and turned the heat up to medium-low before dropping a spoonful of butter into the pan. As the butter melted into a smooth, aromatic liquid, Anzu grabbed the carton of eggs from the fridge. First, she placed the pieces of bread in the pan. Then, she cracked two eggs, pouring one into each of the holes in the bread.

"Yes!" Anzu cheered as she opened the spice cabinet, "Now for some seasoning! Salt, black pepper, garlic powder. Ah! Can't forget a little smoked paprika."

With her egg-in-a-hole cooked perfectly, the yolk golden and ready to ooze onto the grilled, seasoned bread at the prod of a knife, Anzu turned off the heat beneath the skillet and slid her breakfast onto a large, white plate. She opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice, eagerly taking a sip before her face wrinkled with disgust.

"Ah! Pulp! I guess it'll do for now, though."

Anzu took her food and orange juice, bringing them to the living room coffee table where she could enjoy her meal on the sofa as she watched television. Munching on a delicious, garlic-filled bite of her egg-in-a-hole, Anzu flipped the channel to the local news station just in time to catch the weather report.

"Bad news for everyone hoping for some sunshine. The forecasts indicate another week of snow and grey skies for much of Hokkaido." a weather woman announced, smiling at the camera. "This is definitely shaping up to be one of Japan's coldest winters in the past five years."

"Finally, some good news!" Anzu sang with her mouth full. "Give 'em hell, Winter!"

After chowing down on the last of her breakfast, Anzu let out a loud burp and a satisfied sigh. "Breakfast tastes good when you're dead, too..."

With a good meal in her stomach, Anzu sank deeper and deeper into the couch, her eyelids growing heavy. She laid down, still watching the news as she slowly drifted back to sleep. She almost felt guilty for taking a nap in the middle of the day, but it wasn't like a dead girl could get a job or anything. There was no pressure to be productive or figure out her future, no need to worry or struggle at all. She was in a unique position where she could enjoy the pleasures of life while being immune to its many burdens.

"It's so quiet when Giuseppe's gone..."

Before she knew it, she was sound asleep.

When Anzu awoke, she was in a completely different place, as well as a different time. She stood before a classroom of twenty odd students, her hands behind her back and her name written on the dark green chalkboard behind her. The morning sun dazzled through the row of windows, its orange light splashing across the room and shining off the black and white checkerboard pattern on the tiled floors.. The air was filled with a fine layer of chalk dust and the smell of ink.

Her school's summer uniform consisted of a white, button-up shirt with short sleeves and a navy-blue skirt that reached down to her knees. Her long, dark hair was still damp from the shower she took earlier that morning, a shower in which she painstakingly rehearsed what she would say in front of the class. Half-empty bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and worn down bar soaps made for an easier audience than the two dozen bored, absent-minded students she had to face.

"My name is Anzu Hodane. Hou as in 'Jewel', 'da' as in arising, and ne as in 'sound'. Anzu is written as 'Apricot'. It's a pleasure to be part of this class!"

Anzu bowed, nervously anticipating an abrupt shout of 'you suck' from the class, but was ultimately welcomed as any other new student would be; with abject indifference. Just as soon as her moment of introduction came, it was gone again, and Anzu might as well have just been another blank face in a room full of bored students. All things considered, Anzu was very happy with the class's response. As long as it wasn't a complete and total catastrophe, it was a success in her eyes.

There was one girl in that classroom that could barely contain her smile watching Anzu introduce herself. He skin glowed like porcelain in the sunlight, as if she were an angel plucked from heaven. Her chestnut-brown hair was tied into a half-up, with the remaining strands framing her round face and ocean-blue eyes that matched Anzu's. Her petite nose wiggles and the nostrils widened as she stifled her laughter, but it was obvious to her that Anzu was nervous about her introduction.

"Thank you very much!" Anzu sang, bowing again.

The teacher clapped his hands together. "Excellent! Welcome, Anzu. You can go ahead and sit next to your sister. There's an extra history book inside the desk so you can follow along."

"Thank you very much." Anzu replied stiffly.

"Okay everyone, today we'll be going over the Archaemnid Empire and Cyrus the Great." the teacher explained. "Please turn to page 224 in your history books, and let's begin."

Anzu took her seat next to the girl that struggled not to laugh at her. Anzu slapped the girl's shoulder on her way to her seat, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"Well, at least you didn't choke." the girl snickered.

Anzu wore an embarrassed smile and red, rosy cheeks. "Shut up, Airi. Even if I did well, you'd tease me anyway."

Airi winked and gave Anzu a thumbs-up. "That's what sisters are for!"

"The teacher's looking at you, doofus." Anzu replied

Alarmed, Airi turned around to face the teacher, only to realize that he was still talking about the life of Cyrus the Great and paying Airi no mind.

"Made you look." Anzu chortled, covering her mouth with her hand as a sly smile spread across her face.

Anzu shuffled through her backpack in search of her hardcover history book. She took a few items out of her tightly packed bag to make room to pull out the book. One of those items was an orange bento box with a heavy, plexiglass cover. Anzu set it on the desk next to her pencil case, stationery, and plastic protractor.

Airi immediately took notice of the contents of the bento box and grabbed it to take a closer look for herself. "Ah, man! Mom made you two egg-in-a-holes? Lucky!"

Anzu smiled. "She said it's a special treat to celebrate my first day at my new school and for getting over my cold!"

Airi stroked her chin and gazed towards the ceiling as she formulated a master plan. "I see. Well, my birthday is coming up next month, so maybe I can get some celebratory egg-in-a-hole too..."

"I'm sorry, Airi, am I boring you?" the teacher suddenly interjected.

Airi had never turned around and straightened her posture as quickly as she did in that moment. It was as though she was a recruit caught slacking by her drill sergeant. "No, not at all!"

"You sure? I just find it funny that your sister already has her book out, and she just got here." the teacher scolded. "You, on the other hand..."

Airi looked behind her to see that Anzu had already opened up her history book and opened up to page 224. A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as she cursed herself for getting distracted by an egg-in-the-hole.

Anzu snapped awake on the sofa. She sat up and looked around, seeing that it was almost four o'clock in the afternoon, according to the time displayed on the local news channel. The fact that she slept nearly the entire day away didn't even register to her. There was only one, pressing detail on her mind after that vivid dream.

"I...had a sister? Airi Houdane...I wonder if that was just a dream, or a memory."

Three hours later, just before seven o'clock, Anzu heard Giuseppe slide his key into the front door's lock. He opened the door and stumbled inside, his collar unbuttoned and his tie loosened haphazardly. His face was flushed and the sweet scent of plum wine lingered on his breath.

"Giuseppe? Are you okay?" Anzu asked, getting up to greet him.

"Yep! Just a little tipsy. We had an after-work celebration today. You know, to raise morale and all that nonsense. I just saw it as a free meal and drink."

"Wait a minute, did you drive here?"

"Yep! It's fine though, I actually drive better when I'm drunk. Pretty funny, huh?"

Anzu did not find it funny at all. She took her index finger and thumb and squeezed Giuseppe's nose so he couldn't breath. Giuseppe snorted and coughed, almost feeling like he had to throw up.

"Oh god, don't do that! You could've killed me..." Giuseppe complained.

"Highly unlikely. Your nose is oily. When was the last time you scrubbed your face?" Anzu asked.

"This morning!"

Anzu sighed. "Liar. Come on, get undressed and let's wash your face."

Knowing Anzu would see through any other attempt at lying, Giuseppe conceded and kicked off his shoes. He went into the bedroom to get changed while Anzu ran the hot water in the bathroom. After he got his white Jimi Hendrix Experience shirt and black sweatpants on, he joined Anzu in the bathroom for some much needed exfoliation.

Giuseppe noticed, however, that Anzu wasn't quite as animated as she was the past few days. She didn't have any sly remarks or fun little jabs to throw at Giuseppe. She didn't even stop to look at Giuseppe when he stepped into the bathroom. Her gaze stayed fixed on the running water and steam flowing from the faucet.

"Hey, are you okay? You seem a little...I don't know....down." Giuseppe said.

"I found some things out today." Anzu replied.

Giuseppe sat down on the counter and put a towel over his shirt. Anzu soaked a face towel in the sink, making sure it was nice and hot.

"Hot towel. I'm gonna put it on slowly." Anzu warned.

Anzu gently draped the hot towel over Giuseppe's face, pressing it down to ensure his pores would open. When the towel cooled, she removed it. Giuseppe's face felt as if it was breathing.

"What kind of things? It must've been disturbing." Giuseppe surmised.

Anzu grabbed a face scrubbing pad and put three squirts of face wash on it. She began to gently scrub Giuseppe's face, especially around his nose.

"I think I found out more about my sister. Her name was Airi. Apparently, our family name is Houdane.

"Whoa, really? How did you find that out?"

"I mean, I don't know for sure. It was just a dream, I think. It felt...real, though. It felt like I've known her all my life, that she's really important to me. I don't know, maybe it wasn't real."

Giuseppe shook his head. "We've got a dead girl and a diary that allows one to see her spirit. At this point, I wouldn't say anything is out of the question anymore. At the very least, it can't hurt to try and see if there is an Airi Houdane out there. And if there is, we need to see if they're really your sister."

Anzu stopped scrubbing Giuseppe's face, putting the scrubbing pad down on the counter. "Time to rinse."

Anzu turned the water back on and watched as Giuseppe rinsed his face. After he treated himself to a few good splashes of hot water, Anzu handed him a brown town to dry with. Giuseppe felt like a new man from that one wash.

"You did pretty well, Anzu." Giuseppe said with a smile as he inspected his clean and refreshed skin.

"Nothing I did was special, you just have to stop being such a lard queen and wash your face every now and then. How you've managed to go this long without acne is beyond me."

Giuseppe smiled smugly in the mirror. "Because my mom had some amazing genes. I never really had any kind of bad acne even when I ate junk food a lot. Didn't even get fat either, can you believe that?

"Honestly? I really can." Anzu said as she dried her hands on the one of the black towels hanging on the towel rack next to the shower.

Giuseppe shut off the bathroom light and walked into the bedroom with Anzu. "So then, do you remember anything else about your sister?"

"Well, she looked a lot like me. We must've been in the same grade, since we sat right next to each other in class. She was just a few months older than me, too."

"Hmm, do you know what school you guys went to?"

"Unfortunately, I don't quite remember," Anzu sighed as she sat down on the bed. "We're SOL for now."

"Damn. Well, no biggie, right? We'll get there when we get there." Giuseppe assured.

Anzu could only hope she would find more answers, but her mood was dominated by an oppressive sadness. She wondered constantly if her dream was indeed a real memory, and if so, where was Airi now? Was she okay? How did her death affect Airi? And for that matter, how did it affect the rest of her family?

"You're lucky, Giuseppe, to have memories of your family. Even if some of those memories are tragic."

"Yeah. But my father took that from me. He says he loves me but....I don't know."

Anzu lifted her head and smiled. "If it's any consolation, I love you! Even if you're a lazy slacker from time to time!"

Giuseppe laughed, happy to see some semblance of Anzu's deprecating humor return. "Good to know I can even get some love from the dead. Oh hey, I got something for you."

Surprised, Anzu's brows shot up towards her hairline. "What is it?"

Giuseppe excitedly stood onto his feet and extended his hand towards Anzu. "Come into the kitchen with me!"

Giuseppe took Anzu's hand and guided her into the kitchen. He opened one of the lower cabinets and reached his arm inside, clearly searching for something. When he pulled it out, Anzu's curious eyes lit up with excitement. It was a box of brownie mix.

"I'm sorry it took so long, Anzu. But I owe you these brownies, don't I?"

Anzu's face lit up with excitement. She squeaked like a baby squirrel and ran in place. "It's about time you butthead! How do we make them?"

"Well first, we're going to need our mixing bowl, whisk, sugar, butter, and a little bit of salt. Oh and get the eggs too!"

Anzu handed Giuseppe his apron and put one on herself before rushing through every corner of the kitchen to get the ingredients and equipment.

"We'll need milk too, right?" Anzu asked.

Giuseppe nodded. "Yep! Grab it!"

"Oh my god Giuseppe I love you so much! Thank you thank you thank you!" Anzu giggled, hardly able to contain her excitement.

"Calm down already!" Giuseppe chuckled. "Can you mix in all the dry ingredients and then add the liquid ingredients?"

Anzu stood with her feet close together, her back straight, and both hands behind her back, mimicking the uptight posture of a soldier in training. "Aye aye, captain!"

Anzu suddenly turned into Japan's Greatest Chef and hastily, yet skillfully put together the necessary ingredients for her brownies while Giuseppe prepped the baking dish and pre-heated the oven.

"Finished!" Anzu exclaimed.

"Wow, already? Let's taste the batter then."

Anzu took an entire spoonful while Giuseppe only tasted a bit off of his finger. Anzu's heart was about to melt from the taste of the sweet chocolate decadence.

"It's so good it should be a sin! We're gonna go to hell for eating these!" Anzu said.

"Yeah, if you don't eat all of the batter first..." Giuseppe murmured.

"Don't judge me! But we should get this in the dish before I really do devour all of it."

"Umm...Anzu..."

"Hmm? What is it?"

Giuseppe laughed so hard he had to bend over and place his hands on his knees. He looked as though he were about to lay an egg right there in the kitchen.

"What's so funny?" Anzu interrogated. "Are my nipples sticking out of my shirt or something? I didn't have a bra when I woke up you know!"

"No no, it's not that. You've got chocolate all over your mouth!" Giuseppe laughed, struggling to breathe.

Anzu hadn't noticed, but her mouth was literally covered in the brownie batter. She tried eating much more than she could actually fit in her mouth with that large spoon. Anzu wiped her mouth with a finger to make sure Giuseppe wasn't deceiving her. Sure enough Anzu realized she had made a dark brown mess on her face.

"Oh no! Don't look! I'm shameful and hideous!" Anzu cried.

"Oh my god! Let me get my camera, this is too rich!" Giuseppe wheezed as he rushed into the bedroom for his camera.

"No!!! Giuseppe you asshole!"

Giuseppe came back with a professional camera in his hands, already recording a frantic Anzu who raced to hide herself from the camera and wipe her mouth clean.

"Smile for the camera, beautiful!"

"Go to hell!"

Anzu flicked some water at Giuseppe's direction, trying to make him back off and yield from seeing her in such disgraceful form. Unfortunately, he attacks were ineffective against him.

"Time for your close up, darling! Let's get a shot of that mouth!"

"Ha! I already wiped it off!"

Giuseppe had only managed to capture a minute of the madness. "Ahhhh, you're such a poor sport, Anzu."

Anzu crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks, looking away from Giuseppe as if the sight of him made her sick. "Hmph!"

"You should've seen your face though! It looked like you were either really stupid or you were having a very slow seizure!"

Anzu's face reflected anger at first, but her expression changed to a happy one. She put her hands behind her back, smiled, and closed her eyes.

"Oh Guiseppe!~" Anzu sang.

"Hmm? What is it?

The last thing Giuseppe saw was Anzu's fist coming right for his nose. The hit was so hard he blacked out for a few minutes. When he awoke, he was propped up on the sofa with tissues plugged up his bleeding nose. Anzu had come out of the kitchen with a fresh plate of hot brownies.

"Brownies are done!" Anzu cheered, as though she hadn't clocked Giuseppe in the face.

"You didn't have to punch me..." Giuseppe groaned, sitting up on the sofa.

"You're lucky I didn't kick you in the nads! Anyway, try them! Let's see if they're good!"

Giuseppe and Anzu bit into the fresh brownies and tasted exactly what they wanted to. It was as if all the pleasures of the earth had manifested themselves into those soft, hot, moist squares of chocolate goodness. Needless to say, those brownies were well worth the wait.

"Hehehe! It's good! We made some good brownies, Anzu!"

"I know! High five!"

Anzu put up her hand for a high five, but was overwhelmed when Giuseppe furiously slapped Anzu's hand. She let out a screech of pain as Giuseppe's revenge was exacted.

"I hate you so much!" Anzu laughed.

"If you ask me, you got off easy." Giuseppe snickered. "Aww, did I hurt the poor wittle baby?"

"Don't make me run to a cop with my diary butt naked and scream that you touched me!"

"Okay okay you win! That's evil of you though, Anzu."

"Hah! Anzu, 1, Giuseppe, negative 0"

"There's no such thing as negative zero..."

"There is in Anzu's world!"

Giuseppe and Anzu ate all of the brownies on the plate and still had some left over to last them a few days. After letting their dessert digest a bit, they both gathered the remaining brownies and put them in a square, glass container with a purple, plastic lid, leaving them on the counter. After that, Anzu quickly washed up all of the dishes they used and handed them to Giuseppe, who placed them in the dishwasher.

By the time they were done, the microwave clock struck 9:30. It was definitely time for bed. They shut off the lights in the living room and the kitchen, leaving only the stovetop light beneath the microwave on. Anzu hopped into Giuseppe's bed while Giuseppe laid down in his futon, letting out a tired, but accomplished yawn.

"Psst. Pssssssst! Giuseppe!" Anzu whispered.

"I can hear you." Giuseppe answered.

"Let's go to the church when you're done with work on Friday. I wanna see what else we can find out."

"Sure, we can do that. Try not to take it too fast though, alright? I know these memories aren't really the happiest."

"Don't worry. I can handle it. Oh, and thanks for the brownies. They were delicious. Goodnight!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed them. Goodnight, Anzu."

Yet another typical day with Anzu had ended. Giuseppe finally payed off his debt to her, in full, and in brownies.