A Happy April Morning

Good morning. I think. It’s another colourless start to the day for despondent and sombre spirits like me to wake up and experience the ‘great things in life’. Insert whatever other cliches that you can think of, here. I know what I'm going to say is a personal opinion, but I think that several of you might perhaps agree with the following statement:

Life is what you make of it.

But what actually are your thoughts? Or are you waiting for mine? Hopefully, you know that I’m not qualified to answer this question. I’m only a second-year student who simply exists, not impacting the people around them and just someone who simply meshes well within the background. Personally, I think the statement itself merits no comment. Other people (often classmates) can make no comment on me, because of my so-called ‘inability’ to communicate with them. That’s not the truth. There exists no such inability and in fact, I’ve termed this phenomenon as ‘Social Refusal’. I’d say it’s quite self-explanatory, but if you don’t know, it's simply not wanting to speak to people. That’s it. Okay, perhaps a little detail is needed.

But obviously, for someone like me, there are times where I do imagine scenarios, which is essentially not too dissimilar to real life, but with slight changes. For example, what if I said “Thanks!” with an upbeat gleeful tone instead of just “Thank you” to Nishi-chan, or what if I sat at the back of the classroom and not in the middle. You see, I tend to over analyse what happened, and happening, because I genuinely have nothing to do.

Let’s say hypothetically, an observer came and witnessed me speaking with my peers, I believe that they’d assume that I am friends with them. This is simply not the case, and yet, people still go up to me and speak to me! Can they not tell from my body language that I do not wish to speak to them! I’ve heard that 55% of all communication comes from body language alone, yet why do they speak to me? Honestly, this whole charade of politeness tires me out quickly. Am I proud to be a loner? Unlike some fictional characters, no.

But does it have its benefits?

Yes but, equally no. It means that my schedule is free from any social event. Karaoke? Haven’t heard of it. Do you want to go shopping? Why bother going outside when we now have online shopping? Dating? Cinemas? Taking the bus?

I know that I’m a rare example because from what I can tell, I am the only person in my entire school that suffers from social refusal. Seriously. I have yet to meet someone who suffers from social refusal. It’s definitely a rare case I’d like to say, and one that I have full pride in. Probably. There are definitely days where I wish that I could speak to people as my normal self, and not just a very generic polite personality because that doesn’t give any indication as to who I am. You know what I could be, I could be the mailman. What about the fast-food worker? Principal? I could go on again, but then again, I refuse to.

Whatever. The detours end. It’s the beginning of another day that will most likely end as it began.