1-3 Virtual Trees, Magical Pebbles, I'm Sorry

#1 Virtual trees [reality]

One day on my way to school I got scared of a tree. There wasn’t anything special about that tree. The tree was out of reach for me.

To reach the tree I would need to go out of my way, diverging from my path to school.

The scary part was happening in my mind. I though to myself “What if that tree is only an illusion and I would find out if I tried?” “Is there a way for me to know?”.

That was enough to get me scared, to throw me in panic, to make me question reality.

#2 Magical pebbles [OCD]

There was a time when I hated going out, it wasn’t because of social anxiety, boredom, headaches or many other things you might guess. It was because of pebbles, regular pebbles you find anywhere.

They made me insecure, they made me uncertain and scared of looking down. When I walked I got a cold feeling that I missed something on the road, not something in particular but some anomaly, something out of place. As I walked on, the anxiety started eating at me more and more until I looked back and examined the ground.

That only made me fear it more, never finding anything but giving the fear validation through actions. I went like this for months fearing the path under my legs.

The path was only one aspect of the issue eating away at me but enough to make me feel miserable when outside.

#3 Im sorry [OCD/Shame]

There was a period of time lasting few months up to half a year when I would constantly apologize for the smallest things over & over again.

There was no one blaming me except myself. When I thought I spoke in inappropriate manner(even when I didn’t) I would immediately start apologizing, same happened when I tried to express anger in any form.

When I didn’t, anxiety got the better of me torturing my mind until I apologized. This also varied from person to person. I didn’t have this problem when talking to friends. Parents and people with authority or fictional being like god were the biggest problem.

Sometimes they told me I don’t need to apologize but I couldn’t stop myself from doing so over & over again. Each time creating a new crack on my heart.