Noah- Thank You

She sat there by the sandy beach, the waves crashing at her feet before retreating back into the sea. The setting sun cast a golden glow on her honey-brown hair, adorned with flowers that added to her natural beauty.

As I inched closer to her, my heart quickened its pace, matching the rhythm of the waves crashing on the shore. As I went and stood behind her, I couldn't help but reach for my camera, hoping to capture her beauty in a frozen frame and mask my nervousness. Carefully, I aimed and pressed the shutter button.

The sudden sound of the camera's shutter caught her attention.

I couldn't let her disappear.

I wanted to believe too... that there aren't any feelings or memories that are okay to forget.

"Man, I can't even decide which college to apply to, let alone pick a major," Kyle sighed, his hands gripping the back of his head as we strolled along.

"Maybe you could consider physics, Kyle. Your grades are solid, so that part's covered," I suggested.

"It's not just about the grades, though," he grumbled, "It's whether I'll actually enjoy it or not."

Callie turned her attention to me. "What about you, Noah?"

"I've got a clear idea what I'll be majoring on. But I still need to find a good college."

Kyle continued, almost to himself. "Man, I want to start high school all over again. It's so much fun like this."

Kyle walked on, while Callie pulled me from behind. "Callie-?"

"Shhh... let him go." She whispered.

We waited for Kyle to walk ahead of us. Not noticing that we had stopped, he continued to chatter away, assuming we were still following closely. As he turned the corner of the block and disappeared from our view, Callie seized my hand, her grip urging me to move with her.

"Where are we going?"

"Just come with me."

She didn't offer any further explanation as she practically pulled me towards the nearby playground. "Can't you pick up the pace a bit?" she playfully taunted, flashing an impish grin.

I stumbled along, trying my best to match her energetic strides, but I was barely keeping up. "Wait, Callie! Slow down a bit!" I gasped, half-laughing as I struggled to keep pace with her enthusiasm.

Finally reaching the playground, we both settled on the swings, the gentle sway offering a sense of comfort beneath the shade of the surrounding trees. "So, why did you bring me here?" I asked, curious about her sudden insistence.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something."

"Well, you could've asked that on our way. Why'd we need to come all the way here?"

"There isn't really a reason. I just thought we could sit here and talk as long as we want." Callie said with a soft smile.

"Is it that important?"

"Yeah, that's why I brought you here."

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued by her sudden seriousness. "I guess it's fine once in a while. My uncles studio is closed today anyway. But what do you want to talk about? You seem really observant all of a sudden."

She took a deep breath, looking a bit nervous now. "Well, I don't know if it's just me, but it feels like something is bothering you, Noah."

I tried to dismiss her concern with a casual shrug. "Why would you think that? Nothing's bothering me..."

"But I don't think I'm wrong, Noah," she persisted, her eyes searching mine. "I noticed it after you came back from your home a few weeks ago. You've been lost in your thoughts, spacing out every now and then, and you're not talking with others as much. It's as clear as day that something is weighing on your mind."

Callie's perceptiveness caught me off guard, and I found myself hesitating before finally admitting, "Okay, maybe there is something on my mind. But it's nothing to worry about, really."

She leaned in closer. She seemed really concerned. "Noah, I know we haven't been friends for that long. But if there really is something weighing on you, you can tell me it. You know that, right? I'll always be there for you."

"I know, Callie, and I'm really lucky to have you as my friend."

She grinned back, her eyes shining with warmth. "So, tell me what's bothering you. Maybe I can help?"

I took a deep breath, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders as I began to share my thoughts with her. It felt liberating, like a burden I had carried for too long was finally being released. For the first time, I could share those thoughts and feelings with someone else. Even if she couldn't find a solution for my problems, it meant the world to me just to let it all out and be heard.

As I spoke, Callie listened attentively, her gaze never leaving mine. She didn't interrupt or offer immediate advice, allowing me to express myself fully without judgment. It was as if the mere act of vocalizing my worries lessened their weight, and I found myself opening up about everything that had been bothering me.

When I finally finished, there was a brief silence between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Callie reached out and gently squeezed my hand, a reassuring gesture that conveyed her support.

"Is that all you had to say?"

"Yeah, that's all..." I replied, "to tell the truth, at one point, it really felt like I'd loved her with all my heart... that the love was genuine. But-" I paused, unsure of how to continue. 

"But?"

"Maybe it was after the accident, or somewhere after that... when I started to question it all myself. To be honest, I don't even remember now, what I was actually thinking, nor what really was going on in my mind, when I broke up with her out of nowhere. I believed that I'd done it for the best. But soon I realized what I had done..." My voice trailed off as I struggled to find the right words to convey the depth of my regret. "About my father, like I said... even when I was back at home, I couldn't get a peace of mind. I was losing myself. And it made me scared. If I stayed there any longer, I thought I might do something in the future that can't be undone. And just like that, I had broken my promise with her. I ran away without facing my own feelings, not even facing hers, leaving her all alone. I'm the worst of the worst."

"I hurt her so much," I murmured, my guilt overwhelming.

"But I'm sure you didn't intend to hurt her," Callie said gently. "Sometimes we hurt the people we care about most, and that's one of the hardest things to bear. But what's important now is how you move forward from this. Have you thought about talking to her, explaining how you feel now?"

"Like I said, I've thought about it, but I'm scared," I admitted. "I've been struggling with it ever since I came here... maybe for even longer, from when I'd broken up with her. I forced myself to believe that her happiness lied somewhere else, and I was not the person who could bring it to her. But in reality, I was just scared that I might mess things up again."

She leaned back on her swing, gripping onto it with both hands. "You know, once I had a crush on someone? I knew him for a long time ago. You can call us childhood friends. And we were just friends, until I got into high school, when I started to feel that I had feelings for him. He's quite handsome and popular among other students, and on top of that, he was also dating someone else. I thought I had no chance with him."

This was the first time Callie was opening up about herself. Usually, she would deflect anything that involved her personal feelings. "Did you give up on him? I asked.

She paused for a moment, lost in her thoughts, "At first, I did consider giving up. It seemed like an impossible situation, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship by confessing my feelings. Like you, I was also scared that I might mess things up. And it was then, when I started lying to myself. I started to rationalize my relationship with him as just friends. I knew I had no chance with him, and yet instead of facing my on feelings, I forced myself to stop thinking that I didn't have any feelings for him at all, pushing my own emotions under a rock. And I actually got away with it for the most part. But deep inside of me, there was a feeling that it isn't right. Like a swirl in my stomach."

"And you left it just like that...?"

"Nope. Kyle actually helped me during that time. While I was struggling with my own lies, he was the one who forced the truth into my ears, something I was trying my hardest not to realize. In the end, I called him out one day and told him everything..."

I nodded, my gaze shifting to the ground. Callie took a deep breath before continuing. "It isn't a matter of whether or not one is strong enough to face it. It's such a simple act, yet we find it so hard to do. But it should become clear once you try to realize how you truly feel. It's not a really tough answer, and as for you and Iva, who meant so, so much to you... I'm sure that what you're truly looking for is..."

She paused for a moment, as if her eyes were searching for the right words to convey. I could tell that she genuinely cared about helping me find clarity in my feelings.

"It's about finding your own truth, Noah. And I'm sure you've already found it. So don't lie to yourself any longer."

A week later, I got a message from Alan.