Love and Death

By the end of the school day, John and Abigail still had not been bothered and could safely stroll back to their home, deeming my job to have been finished. Though, just to be even more secure, I chose to check back on them again tomorrow morning, and Kiri decided to hop along too.

As we entered the school gates that sunny morning, a blow of warm wind greeted us on the grounds. It was as if the universe was telling us to relax, that it was all over.

Recess after recess, there was no commotion that emerged, and we exhaled in relief at the reality that we had achieved. Finding that there was spare time, I and Kiri decided to check up on the couple that we had helped, and in turn, congratulate ourselves for the good we had done.

The girl was acting out her words with me, focusing and listening to the teacher every minute of the class. And in the boy’s case, well surprisingly, John didn’t doze off and was actually taking notes.

So, the brat can grow up.

I thought to myself.

Feeling a little tingling feeling in my stomach, my lips curled on its own. And I glanced at Kiri only to find out that she was doing the exact same. We exchanged our content expressions with one another, but it wasn’t long before Kiri changed completely to a blinding beam with her eyes closed. As if the world was revolving around her, strings of golden light shined right through her face, illuminating the holy cheerful presence I was beholding before my eyes.

Unexpectedly, and abruptly, she put haste to her feet and rushed toward the stair. Though confused, I trusted her and pursued right after. With each step above, I could feel our pace quickening, until a door was before us, and Kiri burst it open.

“Fuck yes!”

Reaching the rooftop and embracing us with the touch of the azure sky, Kiri cried out all that held her, and just behind her, I followed suit.

“We fucking did it!”

Flinging our hands up to the sky and shouting cries of joy, we celebrated our victory.

So, this is how it felt like to win.

Realizing this feeling now, as if a hidden bomb had been kept up inside me for years was ignited, I could no longer hold my emotions in. My initial yell of joy might only be induced by Kiri’s, nonetheless what I was shrieking and crying out now was undoubtedly everything I had been constraining.

“I felt bad about threatening and beating middle school kids at first, but who gives a shit if it’s morally wrong, you bullies deserved it!”

“You got that right, Stan. Fuck philosophy or moral compasses, they were bad so we taught them a lesson. We’re the good guys!”

“Yeah! Slay gurl! We truly are the heroes!”

We continued to scream at each other’s faces and bounced around the floor for about another minute, until our throats could no longer deal with our obnoxiousness and had to render themselves mute.

Trudging toward the metal enclosure, we laid our backs on it and took heavy breaths, hoping to somewhat gain back all the energy I and Kiri had just wasted.

“So, what are you feeling right now?”, Kiri asked.

“Well, good obviously. Aren’t you the same?”

“Yeah, of course. As long as you are.”

Albeit not having calmed down completely yet, I could feel my pulse decelerating, and the fatigue from all that jumping and screaming had caught up with me. Bowing down to the needs of my body, I decided to not disclose my mouth again, however, Kiri seemed to have different thoughts.

“I made the right choice this time, Stan.”

Not getting what she just said, I inquired with a mumble “Hmm?”, to which she took no time to carry on her speech.

“Remember what I told you the night we decided to help John? I said that I resented cowardice men, and the thought of you rushing into fight six guys to save someone made me take a liking to you again. But you said otherwise, thinking that it was just an impulsive act, and that made me doubt you a bit. However, I put your opinions aside and urged you to continue that act. I finally found a hero who would not run away so I had to keep you that way, not minding how you feel about it. Still, at the end of the day, it looked like I did the right thing, huh?”

Having somewhat come around to her view, I nodded and responded.

“I guess selfish motives can lead to good results sometimes.”

Her words of assurance were soothing, and they brought me back to the night me and Kiri made a promise to help John and Abigail, the night that was the reason why we were on this rooftop today.

I grew up because of the bad memories of my past.

That was what she said, and at the time I disagreed fully. Because of the bullying back then, a dreadful fixation on being the good guy, or the hero haunted me. But, it’s clear to me now. And now’s the best time than ever to express it to Kiri.

“After I conformed to the bullies back then and rejected you, I swore to myself to make it back to us by proving the bullies wrong, that there was a way to achieve your motives meanwhile also doing good. But all I did was crave excitement and little opportunities, and it made my life so boring when I failed. Consequently, I lashed out at people and had violent and impure thoughts, but it still led me to jump in to save John from those bullies. So, at the end of the day was that fixation good, Kiri?”

Following my question, she was baffled and could not form words in her mouth. But that did not discontinue my soliloquy, for the question was rhetorical.

“The answer is no, but also that’s not the point, and what we did this past week taught me that. To do good deeds, you don’t need to be a hero, you only need to have a good heart. That’s why we used force but the ending still came in favor of the good and innocent, John and Abigail. And it is because of that realization that I now know that my fixation was just a parasite, and in no way can it be good for me. I could finally put something that’s been haunting me for the past two and a half years to rest. And it is because of you that I did what I had to do to finally understand that fact.” I put on the most serious grin I could form and continued. “Thank you, Kiri. For showing me, and I guess… saving me.”

Only after I had finished my gratitude that I noticed how long I’d been babbling on. Despite that, Kiri still managed to form a somewhat serious face.

“I should thank you too, you know, for being the fearless hero I wanted.”

As if the nail has finally hit the coffin, I felt like something inside me was dying. And, for the sake of the positivity of this moment, I laid that thing to rest, probably for eternity.

As words came out of our mouths, so did chuckles begin to form, and not long after, laughs echoed through the air. As if our guffaw bared a power enough to shake the sky, clouds begin to disperse, unveiling the holy rays striking our surface. Albeit the Atlantic hue of the sky, what surrounded us was nothing but whiteness, alleviating and proving this short beautiful moment to be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

“And you said no more philosophical bullshit as well, guess it’s inevitable when we’re alone, huh?”, still somewhat giggling, I spoke.

“I mean, I don’t mind it too bad, though we kind of ruined it with the laughs. It could have been romantic or something.”

A single word made me stop dead on track, and Kiri seemed to have noticed it.

A grin appeared on her face, extorting a malicious intent anyone could have felt by looking. She took a few steps and approached me.

“You know, it’s not too late for a ro-man-tic climax.”

Emphasizing that particular word, she took incessant steps, adding to my already pressured mood.

Shit, are we actually doing it.

I mean we’ve been friends for so long. And now that we’ve expressed everything and know each other-

Before I even realized it, her face was already before mine. It was no surprise that my visage’s pigmentation shifted into a tomato, and it humored Kiri.

“Man, you’re cute when you’re shy, Stan.”

“Is that so?”, imitating her, I reached my face even closer to her, which made Kiri recoiled a bit. And along with that a change of hue on her burned cheeks, something that I had not expected from a tomboy like her. Though to be honest, the contrasting expression on her face right now made me find her even more adorable.

Our noses were only an inch away, and still the distance dwindled, bit by bit. We stared at each other, and we could hear our hearts beat faster every second that passed closer to our contact. Ceaseless doubts screamed in my mind, though it took no trouble to silence them, all for the sake of my enjoying this moment.