A New Home

 “Evicted…?” the two of us stared at the paper plastered on our door.

Right. During the first six months here, you’re influenced to be independent and wean off the support of The Newcomer’s Organization; at the end of those six months, you’re taken off it completely. We have to live entirely on our own now. This time, we won’t screw it up.

Sitting on the floor, our belongings were scattered around and carelessly thrown into boxes. Silence hung in the air as we packed everything up. Between reading our eviction notice and packing our things, I put a down payment on a small cabin using our pocket money.

“It’s okay, we have a lot saved up. The house I bought is cute; I think you’d like it,” I said, trying to lighten the mood and comfort Lili as she folded her clothes neatly into a box.

“I know we’ll be okay… but I can’t help but feel a little sad; I built my life back up here, only for it to be torn away. I’ll miss this place,” she responded forlornly.

I look down, a little surprised that she hadn’t remembered when we got evicted the first time. I have to choose my words carefully to make her remember. Thinking back, I echo the words I said to her then.

“I know it’s a little sad, but we’ll be together. That’s all that matters, right?”

She furrowed her eyebrows and stared at me, deep in thought. She suddenly winced at my words, shutting her eyes tight. Unlike the other times, tears started to fall from her eyes.

“I’m so, so tired of this pain… I want it all to stop, Haru,” she sobbed into her hands.

“I-I know, I’m sorry, Lili… it’ll be over soon, I promise,” I held her in my arms as she cried, staining the sleeves of my shirt.

“I just need you to tell me what you see again, okay? I’m right here for you.”
—
Our timid footsteps entered the Net Cafe, and the sounds of raindrops hitting the floor echoed in the air; we couldn’t even afford an umbrella. Not if we didn’t want to sleep on the streets, anyway.

I unwrapped the jacket I placed around Touko’s shoulders, holding it firmly against my chest. Standing in the doorway drenched in water must’ve made us look like pathetic dogs- especially me, a man that couldn’t provide for his girlfriend and give her a comfortable life.

When we paid and settled into our booth, the weight of our situation settled into our heads.

“We won’t be here forever, will we, Haru?” Touko asked, hugging her knees up to her chest.

I shook my head, “When I graduate college, I can get a good job, and we’ll be able to leave in no time.”

“That’s going to take years…” she muttered, burying her face into her arms, “You never know how good you have it until you lose it all, do you?”

I sat with her, taking her head into my arms.

“I know it’s a little sad, but we’ll be together. That’s all that matters, right?” I held her head to my chest, speaking to her softly.

“Yeah… I think I’ve realized my dream.”

“And what’s that?” I asked curiously.

“To live comfortably with you,” she said sleepily, resting her eyes.

That night, we fell asleep in each other’s arms for the first time.
—
“Haru…” Lili mumbled, releasing her grip from her face.

“Yes, Lili? Do you need anything? Water?” I asked, maintaining a gentle tone.

She shook her head, “I never told you this, but when we got evicted, I truly wanted to die for the first time.”

My heart sank to my stomach, “What do you mean? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want you to get mad, even! But at that moment, I thought that even if we were together, life would still be dark and bleak. It made me wonder if there was any point in living through that pain…”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks and stunned me into silence. I was so focused on my own pain that I neglected to see her own; I never knew the depths of her pain. I held her close, tears welling in my eyes.

“Please, forgive me. This life has and will treat us better; I swear that much on my death. I’ll make you happy to be alive, Lili,” I held my tears inside, wiping away hers.

“I had those thoughts in the past, but I never felt that way in this life. With the limited time I have as myself, I’ve been so happy with you. I love you.”

“I…” I sniffled, “I love you too.”

We embraced each other emotionally, promising each other a better life just as we had wished for. Our position never changed even as the night fell, leaving our possessions unpacked, even though we were scheduled to leave the morning after.

When the morning came, we had to leave a few unimportant things behind as we set off away from this home; I couldn’t help but feel like this was a new chapter for us. As we boarded the magical stake, the city was a blur. I held on to Lili tight and didn’t let her go, reflecting on our conversation yesterday. As her body's warmth latched onto me, I couldn’t help but smile.

Still, though, I had to wonder what comes next. When she remembered our first day at the Net Cafe, she also remembered her feelings of death. What did she ask me before our death? “Are you sure you’d want to die for that dream, though…?” those words imply that she already thought about dying and was okay with it.

Her feelings of wanting to die directly influenced our death.

The last memory I have to uncover… Touko’s final memory.

I have to make her remember our death.