An orange haze, forever

In the absence of bloom, the night reigned.

In a field where daisies hid, the grass reflected the gleam of moonlight in its dance. I sat softly in the field where flowers did not petal, staring up at a sky that was black like ink.

"Is this where you reap your words from, Baron?" A gruff voice spoke softly from behind me.

He was so tall that he looked as if he could reach into the sky and pull a bird from its midst. His face was clean-shaven, and his hair cut short.

"Some days I draw inspiration from other things, but fully I speak from my present heart."

"So even despite inspiration, if your heart feels different, those are the words you will choose to write?" He asked of me with curious eyes.

"Precisely."

I turned towards the man, whose face was chiseled like a carefully-carved statue, and stood like a giant against the backdrop of a bright night sky.

"Are you my new vassal?"

"I would prefer to be called a friend."

"You're certainly forthcoming." I laughed.

"With you, I heard such a thing was possible."

He took a seat in the soft blanket of emerald grass beside me. In turn his gaze fell upon the glittering sky, as mine did, and we sat in silence as a gentle breeze blew quietly past.

"To think, this is the view of the grand poet’s.” The man marveled.

“You give me too much credit.” I grinned.

“That is what they all call you when you are not present.”

I looked at him with surprise in my expression.

“Truly?”

“Truly.” He smiled softly. “But, I’m content with calling you ‘My Lord’.”

“Then, what should I call you?” I asked.

“My family’s byname is Shirakawa, so I think that will do fine.”

-

What I had been learning over the course of two months is that grief and guilt were hard to wholly abandon.

That which had ended my life, had then chosen to try and consume me. Each day I chose to move forward was also a constant battle to refuse to look behind me.

The past was something I couldn’t bear to worry about, even if its cold, icy fingers chose to grasp at my hesitant feet.

Even if I had told myself it was something I no longer needed to worry about, my heart was still the same that chose to beat upon Earth.

Amidst the broadening of my horizons within Crelle, too had the childishness of my personage chosen to reveal itself over and over again.

Every day, I began to wonder if the name I had thought an antithesis had started to feel an apt description of my character.

Perhaps I truly was ‘simply Agreste’.

I led Theresia through the theatre, holding gently onto the sleeve of her shirt as I did so.

“Where are you taking me-” Theresia stumbled on her words, tripping gently over a prop piece that had been left upon the floor. “We have to keep working on the set, Agreste.”

She was wholly blinded, her eyes covered by her hands as she walked through the halls of the theatre. As such, it was an adventure to avoid falling flat on her face.

“I spoke simply and truthfully when I said you would not have to bother worrying if you just held my hand.” I laughed.

“My heart does not hold that much space for you.” Theresia chided amidst her smile.

There was quiet in the theatre. What would have been the dawn upon Earth had only arrived moments prior. Everyone I had come to know who had been working on the play had been fast-asleep in that moment.

In the theatre itself, only me and Theresia stood present. It was a moment reserved for us alone.

“So why do I need to not worry?”

“Because you’re carrying tension on your shoulders as if it’s the whole weight of the world.” I said softly. “So take my hand, and stop thinking completely for a few minutes.”

With a slight hesitance in thought, she then extended her hand, and I took it gently. It was soft and warm. Each line upon her palm was like a maze I was curious to explore endlessly.

“You can notice that much?” She asked of me in a surprised tone. “Even something I myself cannot tell?”

“I look at you all the time.” I spoke simply in return, as if what I had been saying was a matter of fact. “I would notice a minute change in every detail that pertains to you, my dearest playwright.”

Her face lit up a bright-red in an instant, and she could not summon a response. It did not matter truly, because I had led her into the storage room straight after. It was the room I had been sleeping in, now serving my own gorgeous desires.

The skylight had been blocked out completely, covered by parchment set by my own hands for the sake of creating a falsified midnight.

Leading Theresia blindly into the small room, I sat her down upon the floor.

“Do you trust that I would not harm you?” I asked of her.

“If you were going to, I don’t think you would have posed such a question.” She smiled softly.

I could only laugh gently in response. With careful hands, I guided her to lay down upon the floor, my cloak bunched up underneath her head as if playing the role of a pillow.

I, too, lied down in the darkness beside her. In the small and enclosed space, it felt warm to be so close to another. Theresia’s softened breathing was apparent, a sound that seemed to make my heart ache that much more.

I couldn’t understand my feelings for even a moment.

I just kept telling myself it was admiration.

“Open your eyes.” I spoke softly.

Her eyelids fluttered, trying desperately to adjust to the brightness that sat in midnight. Theresia’s quick-beating heart was apparent, the surprise of beauty knocking calm away from her body in an instant. It was as if the scene of her thoughts had switched so suddenly, and in turn did her mind burst forth with wonder.

What Theresia gazed upon within the darkness was a sight that filled her glittering eyes with passion, as if the small room she sat within had become an endless expanse of glimmering light. In that moment, too had her sky expanded.

Upon the ceiling of the storage room, I had inlaid the bright crystals brought from the Grand Market. Having soaked up the light of the endless sun, within the darkness they glimmered and twinkled.

“My dearest Theresia, when I said that your words were like the stars, this is what I meant.” I smiled. “These are the stars, the image that you carry so beautifully.”

It was another long moment before Theresia even thought to respond. Her mind had been blankened by such a sight, leaving her in a state of a euphoric daze.

For the sake of both easing my heart and showing her another world, I had falsified the night sky.

“So the sky you see within your head looks like this?” Theresia asked of me, her eyes still filled with a wonder unparalleled.

I nodded simply in response.

“It is a sky that is neither undine nor spriggan.” I spoke softly.

“You have a look that is neither as well.”

“That is because I am not either.” I smiled. “I am simply Agreste.”

“So if you are not from Osheae or Aethine, then I wonder…” She pondered softly. “Do you not know of of the hazy-red sky we sit under? Do you not know of Sol?”

“Sol?”

I had heard mention of the name before. ‘Sol’ was a common shortening of ‘Solis’. As far as I had surmised, it was that which had been scratched deliberately out of the newsletters and textbooks I had chosen to read into during my time in Crelle.

“He is the reason our sky sits forever within a haze.” Theresia spoke softly. “He is the sun itself.”

“Why do you demean his name so much?” I asked of her. “Is this the same reason that you all choose to rush through your lives?”

“We don’t want to grace Sol with our presence a moment longer than we have to.” Theresia said simply in reply. “That is the reason of our bustling demeanor.”

“What did he do, to be hated so?” I asked.

“He scorched our beloved.” Theresia smiled bare, as if the rawness of her emotions was too great to portray. “Our water sits black as soot.”

There was not a moment in which I could even begin to empathise. I did not know the meaning of the ocean that surrounded them, not truly.

I did not know of the love of the undine.

“Do you think it is strange? It’s been hundreds of years since his spite occurred.” She asked of me. “Do you think it odd, that I would grieve for something I have never known? A life where I don’t exist under smog... it’s only a fairytale within my life, so how could I feel sad for it?”

In that moment, I began to understand Theresia, and the undine as a whole just a little bit more.

Their attitudes were a grievance for a world unknown to them. In their eyes, their sky was never broadened.

“No, I don’t think it’s strange at all.” I spoke softly.

The eyes that she stared at me were softened and simple. They carried an emotion that made my heart jump and melt in a single moment.

“How can I do away with this aching in my heart?” She asked of me.

I only smiled in response.

“You are a playwright, and I am your assistant.” I spoke softly in return, turning towards her with a determined smile.

I reached out my hand, extending it to her as if I was offering the whole of my being for her sake.

“You will create new worlds, and I will help you through it all.” I laughed. “So take my hand. Let’s broaden our worlds together.”

In return, with shock sitting upon her expression, she grasped softly my hand. It was a completely different feeling in that moment. I did not feel the ache of my heart when I felt the softness of her touch. I only felt the wholeness of an oncoming future.

I only saw the beauty of the wildflowers upon her forward-moving path.

“Time and time again, you remind me of that which my heart has grown to hold dear.”

My body tensed up in that moment, and I let go of her hand.

In that moment, the peace I had felt for a single moment faded, and the ache of my heart returned once again.

“Do you mean the Baron?” I asked of her.

“Truly, now I imagine my heart has been offered to him...” Theresia spoke softly. “Whether this is love, or something else entirely... I feel enthralled by his words.”

I wish I could have been the person to her that she had fallen in love with.

She loved me, but she did not love who I was.