XVI. women are a menace

 Once upon a time, I hit a girl. I was six at the time and I don't regret it. She was a little shit. The second person I hit was roughly two years ago. He had cancer. I also don't regret it. He's an asshole. Besides, he's fine now. A hypothetical third person would've been Okamoto after her response to the situation was, "I'm not telling you anything. You didn't kneel, beg, or kiss my feet," upon regaining her composure. However, I was a changed man, and she walked away before I could roller-kick her ass anyway.

Hoshino and her manlet boyfriend were, to their credit, dusting the props behind the curtain. Useless, but appreciated. Izumi raised his eyebrows (probably) when he noticed me approach. "How did it go?" He asked. 

"Great, actually. I just thought about hitting children with cancer."

"Not funny," said Hoshino. Little did she know that it wasn't a joke. "Anyway, did she say yes? Okamoto is kind of annoying, but at least she's a better option than Hanamura."

If I weren't a changed man, this is where I would've snapped.

Izumi opined, "From what you've told me, I think she'd be a good match for him."

"Oh, totally. You should see how well they get along during rehearsals." 

"Since I just saw him try to kiss her feet, I believe you."

"Not funny," I echoed.

"Wasn't a joke."

"Wasn't a joke."

They exchanged glances after that. Izumi didn't smile because he was an emotionally constipated loser, but Hoshino sure did. It was very nice to see them getting along and stuff. Very nice. Good to see their time alone had been fruitful. "Anyway," I began. "One: you guys are useless. Two: you could help me put away the microphones if you want to stop being useless. Three: I'd literally rather kill myself than date Okamoto. Four: there is context which I don't care to explain. Five: thank you. I guess."

Six: I need to talk to you, Hoshino, without you using your boyfriend as a shield. Thanks.

To my utmost shock, they helped. Hoshino said something that made Izumi laugh, but I couldn't hear it. Perhaps being a third wheel wouldn't have been as nightmarish an experience after all—then I'd know what made them this close all of a sudden. 

Okamoto, I noticed, had gone to sweep the other side of the room. It was something. It could also be my last chance to draw any meaningful information from her. 

As the lovebirds took over the stage, I went to check on Okademon. She stopped (poorly) sweeping upon noticing this. However, she also said nothing. "So do you want me to kiss your feet or not?" I asked.  Never mind her seeing me freak out earlier. If she brought it up, I'd just gaslight her. Whatever. 

"...no, thanks. Men are really gullible, huh?"

"Women are a menace."

"It's not only because of that. You guys see girls like Hoshino and you kneel, beg, whatever it is."

"Pretty?" I asked.

Okamoto rolled her eyes.

"What did Hoshino do to you, anyway? It's pretty obvious you're avoiding her."

"Wait, reall—no. I see what you're trying to do. No. Besides, you're under her spell already, so whatever I tell you won't matter anymore." 

"I mean, I'm asking you for a reason."

She shook her head. "It's better if you suffer anyway."

"Fuck you too."

"Well, fuck you more."

"You wish."

"No, you wish you... they're looking this way. Ugh. I hate you. Go away."

"Gladly." I did, in effect, go away.

I couldn't find a single opportunity to talk to Hoshino by myself after that. Izumi lurked by like the oblivious meat shield he was. Then again, it's not like... he'd get mad...? Maybe...? I'd known him for longer and he had basically no context on the subject, so it's not like I thought he'd side with her or anything. (It's just that I thought he'd side with her. Whatever that side was.) Unless.

"I'm dead," Izumi declared once he naively thought we'd finished. "What time is it? This shit shouldn't be legal."

Hoshino flashed her phone screen at him, quite possibly to show him the time. She, too, seemed dead. "Ice cream," she croaked. "Need."

We still had to put some props away. Okamoto could do that since she hadn't left and she'd barely done anything, but she could break something, or she could ignore this outright, and the thought would literally keep me awake at night. "You guys can go," I said. "We're almost done anyway."

"Huh?" Izumi. "What? We're still missing stuff? No way."

"It's not that much. I'll be fine."

"Where?"

"I said I'll be fine."

"Stop being a shithead and tell me. You look like..." Izumi trailed off for a moment, glancing at Hoshino, who gestured at us as if to say 'go on, go on' before she turned around. "...uh. Did you take your—"

"No." My meds. 

"Well. It shows. Let me help."

"You're such a mom," I mumbled.

"Look who's talking. Hey, Hoshi, you can go and rest as well if you want. I give you permission to beat Saku up if he tries to clean again. Weird ass bitch."

...so.

So.

I guessed that was my chance. Izumi's room had been relatively clean the few times I'd been there, and he seldom missed homework, so he'd probably do a good job. Thus, I pointed at the props. He went to work. After Hoshino sat at the edge of the stage, so did I, not too close, not too far. She fanned herself with her hand as though she'd just suplexed a train. "So," I said.

She glanced at me from the corners of her eyes. Okay, fine, maybe she was cuter than Hanamura. I had a thing for long black hair, which she'd tied into a ponytail. "So."

"Why did you tell Hanamura that I find her annoying?"

Still fanning herself, still looking at me, Hoshino replied, "When?"

"Today."

"Huh?"

This is where an unchanged man would've snapped x2. "Didn't you talk to her earlier? Here? She said you told her that shit. Why?"

"Wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"Did you talk to her or not?" I asked.

"No?"

"What."

"I keep telling you," she said, hand frozen in place now. "She's not good. She's doing that thing where she wants you to chase her and make you feel guilty if you don't. When are you going to understand?"

If my heart hadn't hammered before due to the physical exertion, it sure would be now. "So you..." I trailed off. As I looked away, I saw Okamoto pick up her bag, as if to leave. Finally. Rather than simply doing so, however, she turned back to me. Stared. Pointed at something on the... between the boxes she liked sitting upon. 

"Like I said, Okamoto is better than Hanamura, if that's what you're going for. Marginally."

Hoshino must've seen me looking at her. Did she catch Okamoto's message? Should I play dumb? "You're so nice to your classmates," I noted.

"To the ones who deserve it, yeah."

"You're so kind, Hoshino-sama. So wise. So—ow."

Izumi wacked the back of my head with his hand—I hoped—before saying, "Done," and then, "Now ice cream," and then, "Stop trying to steal my girlfriend. Whatshername suits you more."

Immediately, Hoshino broke into a smile. She clasped her hands together. "Yup. I'll even set you up, if you want."

I almost replied, 'To return the favor?', but then I remembered Izumi didn't know about this. What a poor, simple soul. Anyway, I wasn't about to react to their antics again. "I'll think about it," I said, standing up. "You guys are so kind, so wise. Let's go."

We went.

They went.

As they went, I headed back to Okamoto's box-chairs. My backpack was there, anyway. Hoshino didn't look. Perhaps she hadn't noticed. Between a couple of crates was a small, white slip, whose inscription read, once I'd retrieved it: 

They did talk.

I knew it.