XVII. what color is your underwear?

me: I'm naked right now.

[stalker-chan is typing...]

me: What color is your underwear?

stalker-chan: pink

stalker-chan: now give me yours

me: I just told you I'm naked.

stalker-chan: proof :3

"Oh, wow," I mumbled. This echoed across the bathroom. If the message thread wasn't so surreal, it'd almost make me feel naked, too. As of now, the near-scalding water sufficed as a cover, a mask, a diary, whatever it needed to be. I just had to make sure I didn't spend an hour inside the bathtub again or I'd pass out and die with my luck. 

stalker-chan: proof proof proof :3

me: ????

stalker-chan: what color was your underwear before

me: I'm scared. Am I talking to Hanamura or an old man?

stalker-chan: >:3 

If I'd known it'd be this easy (?) to get her to talk again, I would've done so hours ago. I'd moreso sent the message to confuse her into answering. Well then. Whatever, I guessed. I'd been brooding over nothing. 

me: Black.

me: I'd greatly appreciate changing the topic.

stalker-chan: well, you brought it up :3

me: And now I'd appreciate changing it.

[stalker-chan is typing...]

She stopped.

Oh dear. 

I couldn't even keep the conversation (?) up because she her reactions were insane and I didn't know what to expect anymore. I couldn't even tell if she was being serious. Common sense dictated the opposite, but. Fuck.

She's doing that thing where she wants you to chase her and—

Shut up. Don't care. Shut up.

I should care, though.

Maybe.

I liked not caring more. 

I liked when I didn't feel like I had to care.

me: Hoshino was bullshitting, by the way. 

stalker-chan: cockatiel_dancing_to_death_metal.gif

She posted that almost immediately after I sent mine. Had Hanamura been quiet because she's been looking for that? Anyway, it looked dumber than I felt. I'd never been good with animals.

stalker-chan: oh, ok

me: Yeah. If I found you annoying then I wouldn't be talking to you.

stalker-chan: that's not how things work

me: That's how they do for me. 

stalker-chan: that's because you're nice and nice people are liars

It was, quite literally, the first time in my life anyone had ever called me nice. And it had to be in that sentence of all things. I sank into the water until I couldn't breathe, and then some. By the time I emerged, I had the perfect response.

me: :3

Somebody knocked at the door. Somebody's name was Kaguya. "Nii-san!" She called out. "Are you dead?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Uh. Okay. What I wanted to say was, dad called and he said he'll stay at work tonight. Please don't pass out in there or I'll have to be the one to drag you out, and I do not want to see that."

"It'd help if you stopped opening the d—"

She did. Even worse: she left it like that. "It's so you hurry up," Kaguya informed, wherein she walked away. This was how misanthropes were born. I'd just stay here out of spite. Finally, I could check my phone again.

stalker-chan: :3 

Amazing. 

***

I supposed her incessant texts meant we were okay again, but I'd supposed wrong; she was nowhere to be found the next morning. 

Kenji reappeared. "You're a coward," I told him as a greeting.

Hoshino met us at the school entrance. I pretended everything was fine.

Izumi the mom asked Kenji if he was okay after he met us three at the usual spot in front of his class. When I explained that he'd skipped because he feared women, Izumi kicked him. Kenji did not elaborate any further.

Same old, different old.

Until now, I hadn't noticed Izumi asked if we were okay often. He'd always kind of been a grouchy small mushroom to me.

I hadn't noticed Kenji was quiet in front of him, either. Of them.

Was there any point to confronting Hoshino? If she'd outright lied yesterday like that, then... well, though Okamoto could've... but why would she? Would she? Weird how easily I believed her. 

"I wish I was born a woman," I told Kenji during class.

"Same," he replied.

"Uh."

"I just think it's easier to... exist.. at school as a girl."

"Elaboration is needed."

"Like, no one's going to make fun of you if you're bad at sports, and girls don't beat each other up as often, I think. Also, they always seem to be friends. And you can get a girlfriend more easily."

"You could've gotten a girlfriend," I told him. "Yesterday."

The teacher stopped writing on the whiteboard to leer at our general direction, so we had to shut up for a bit. "I thought you..." He wrote it on my notebook. Why didn't he use HIS pages for this shit? I thought you liked her though?

"No."

"Huh? Then what was that all that about, a few days ago?"

"Mass hysteria."

"So you don't like her?"

"No."

"At all?"

"No. Uh. Well, as a person, I guess I do, just not as a... girl?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"So if we started dating her—I-I mean if we started dating, you wouldn't mind?"

"Yes. No."

Kenji pushed his glasses up in a failed attempt to conceal the smile. It made me curl my hand into a fist, so I put my other hand above it to cover this. "If you can, you can tell her to walk with us again tomorrow," he said. "With us. I'll be there. Promise."

"Sure."

"Nice." Kenji grinned. He seldom did. I dug my nails into my skin so I'd stop acting... well, thinking like a toddler, all me me me. Every time I thought I'd gotten rid of the thought, it hit a wall and bounced back. 

Whatever.

Me: Hey, would you mind if I gave your number to a friend? He's the guy that ran away yesterday. Don't worry, he's harmless.

[stalker-chan is typing...]

She replied seconds after lunch break began. Perhaps she hadn't been able to text during class, or she decided to be the change society needed by opting not to do so.

stalker-chan: >:(

...or that.

Me: So no.

stalker-chan: give it to him if you want, I don't care >:(

Me: Yeah, that choice of emojis is totally not confusing. 

stalker-chan: I won't stalk you today. too busy talking to my 7649876597 boyfriends 

Me: That's a lot of boyfriends.

She didn't reply after that. I gave her number to Kenji, whereupon I warned: "Once you say hello, you might forget what peace and calm is. She won't stop. Not when you sleep. Not when she sleeps. Not when you yearn to escape. She'll send stupid animal pictures until time itself collapses."

Kenji nodded, nonchalantly. 

"I'm serious."

"So how should I say hello?"

He didn't think I was serious. 

Thankfully, by then, I'd relearned how to distance myself enough from the situation to find it amusing. I told him to unpromptedly say the name of the series they liked, that she'd know, and that she'd understand. He said okay. I didn't tell him that she could be a liar with what mattered (because she sure was with what didn't).

When Kenji asked if it'd be a good idea to talk about this with Izumi, all it took was a pointed look from me for him to get the gist of the situation. 

Half of me dared suspect the reason behind her getting mad when I gave another boy her number. The other half told me to get a grip. So.

So I let a random girl at the theater choose my audition piece. 

So I gave a paper slip with the name to Murase, club president, resident wallflower. She squinted when she took it. "Um. Uh. Are you sure?"

"No, but I'm running out of time, so."

"It's too high for your voice."

"Oh, believe me, it's not."

"Well. If. Uh. I just don't want you to, uh."

"To make a fool out of myself? Too late."

After a pause, Murase closed her eyes, then belted, "NOMURA-SAAAAAAAAAAN!"

It was until then that I realized Nomura ate with a group of girls on top of the stage. As she approached us, I asked, "Seriously, do you live here?"

She waved me off. "Yes, prez?"

Silently, Murase handed her the paper slip.

Nomura tried, and failed, to hold back the snort. "You? This? Dude, you sound like a chainsmoker. Are you crazy?"

"Harsh," I said. Not that I disagreed. But. 

"Yeah, no. Choose something else. You can be a chainsmoker evil queen. With chronic laryngitis."

"Die."

"So will you choose something else?" Begged Murase.

"No."

She sighed, deeply. "...well. In that case, you can, um. Show me a preliminary, um. Right now, so you don't do it in front of everyone else."

Nomura nodded, crossing her arms. "Saya-chan told me you randomly walked up to her and asked her to say a number from one to five. Should've known. Don't worry, though, they won't make fun of you or anything."

I didn't recall seeing Nomura's posse in the club before. Did they really come here to eat? How did Murase allow t—oh, whatever. 

"Now sing," said Nomura. 

"Quietly," pleaded Murase. 

It showed how little faith they had in me when they didn't tell me to warm up first or anything. Honestly, same. At least that meant I couldn't possibly disappoint them. As for myself... well, I'd know once I did it.

And I did.

(Disappoint us all.)