Growing Urges

There’s so many voices in the hallway. Everywhere. All around me. So annoying.

“Ahhhh! It’s Kwan!” A girl in a high school uniform squealed amongst her friends. It sounded like she tried to whisper, but she failed miserably.

“H-He’s so tall and handsome! I wonder if he has a girlfriend,” another girl whispered, totally oblivious to the volume of her voice.

“Nah, he doesn’t even bother talking to anyone. Especially women.”

“But isn’t that, like, so cool? He’s like a lone wolf, not caring about anyone in the class! And not to mention, he’s rumored to be the heir of a famous gangster family! Scary! But hot!”

That last line triggered a nerve within me, so I approached the group of girls and slammed my hand against the wall next to them.

“Don’t you dare mention my family in front of me.”

The girl in front of me completely turned into a tomato and poked her fingers together.

“S-Sorry! I-I didn’t mean to!” Her legs quivered.

“Just don’t do it again next time.” I let go of the wall and walked away.

I opened the door to my classroom to see a group of boys hunched over a single spot laughing without a care in the world, their noises a total pollution to the school environment. Their leader, some rich blonde dude named Max, was the worst of them all. His voice stood out amongst the boys, not in a good way of course. Contrasting them were a smaller group of students at the front of the classroom, with their eyes hooked religiously on their textbooks. The rest of my classmates were either people on their phones, or on their makeup.

I moved silently through the crowd and sat on my favorite seat, the corner seat by the window and read a book while I waited for the class to start.

“Don’t you ever get tired of doing the same old thing all over again?”

I leaned my eyes towards my classmate, a girl named Suvi. Her long blonde hair flowed all the way down to the curves of her chest, and she gave off a smile as warm as the sunshine and stared into my eyes with a gaze like the sunset. As far as I’m concerned, she was the prettiest girl in the class, but I didn’t care. After all, the only girl that matters is someone else, a person I made a promise to years ago.

I wonder how she’s doing nowadays.

“I’m talking to you, Mr. Loner.” Suvi poked my shoulder with a pen.

“Don’t you get tired of bothering me over and over again?”

“Pfft. Not really.” She chuckled. “You’re just so fun to tease.”

She was the only person who wasn’t afraid of me, which I found rather troublesome. No matter how hard I tried to scare her away, she would always come back and talk to me.

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bother me,” I turned back towards my book.

“69 Rules of Power…..by Robert Red.”

I paused before I could flip a page midway.

“So? It’s none of your business.”

“I already finished that book.” Suvi scooted closer to my seat and leaned her head.

My eyes widened, then I turned to look towards her.

“How does my perfume smell?”

The scent of honey and sunflowers entered my nostrils, but I paid it no mind.

“I didn’t think you were the type of person who would be into books.”

“Hey! That’s rude!” Suvi puffed her cheeks. “I love reading! But I’m more of a fiction reader. Blades of Gray is my favorite novel!”

“Blades of Gray is terrible.”

“Nuh-uh! It’s a masterpiece!”

“Not.”

“You just have poor taste!” Suvi stood up and pointed at me.

“Pfft. Tomoyuki’s novels are far more superior.”

“Ah. You laughed! The grumpy old Kwan actually laughed!”

“I did not.”

“Ohoh! Your cheeks are completely red!”

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I got up from my bed. I was back in my room. There it is again. Another dream. I dreamed about Suvi again. I can’t escape her, even in my dreams. I can’t get her out of my mind.

I crushed my hair and gritted my teeth tightly. This thing. Deep down between my thighs. It’s hard.

My eyes were set on a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues on the table. I jumped out of the bed to grab the two items and went straight towards my computer. My heels tapped against the floor as I waited for it to boot up. After waiting for a couple of seconds, the screen finally turned on and I immediately opened up the browser.

My hands quivered as it typed the letters on the search bar.

P.

Don’t do it.

O.

Stop.

R.

I said stop!

My finger was just about to press on the next letter, but I was somehow able to stop myself from going any further.

Lukewarm. Lukewarm. Lukewarm. LUKEWARM!

What the hell are you doing Kwan?!

I froze in place. It wasn’t over. I could still feel my finger pushing itself downwards. My head tightened as I tried to resist the motion, all my willpower was being used to stop myself from doing the unthinkable.

“Stop!”

Using my other hand, I pushed my finger to the backspace button and erased the whole thing. I decided to type in ‘The Girl and the ASMR’.

She can save me! I just need to listen to her voice!

I clicked on the video and gave off a big sigh.

“Hello there. Having trouble sleeping? Please allow me to guide you into the world of dreams.”

The lady’s gentle whispers leaked into the microphone, her tone soothing to the ears. My body started to calm down from the pressure, and my mind began to clear out all the intrusive thoughts messing with my brain. The room was in complete silence, with nothing but the sound of her lovely voice. I was finally at peace again, as I found myself laying down on the chair with my eyes closed.