Making Do

The date- if you could call it a date- was already off to a bad start. The War Memorial Park was closed, overrun by tents and fatigue-clad men taking shelter from the rain underneath the impressive missile battery that now towered above the seaside park’s treeline. Why was it lately that it rained every time I tried to talk to Ayasa? An MP noticed us loitering at the edge of the park and shooed us off. The park was definitely off limits now.

It was only a few weeks ago that we had killed off most of a hot summer day after I had wasted what little money I had left trying to entertain her. The memories of that day had already been fogged over with new doubt about just what had actually happened. Our relationship had changed form so rapidly over the span of a few hours. It was quick- far too quick. And then, just as quickly, Ayasa had thrown away her own identity and adopted that of Sayu Midorikawa.

When had I actually known the real Ayasa? It was not that afternoon in the sweltering park- by then, she had already clouded her motives. Nor was it in those days after that as she settled into the new life that we had hastily constructed for her. At the time, I believed I really was getting closer to her- though in reality, I had been drifting further and further from the truth. Ayasa was a natural actress, one who had been acting all her life. There had only been two points where she had broken character in front of me- the first was that brief moment of our first encounter; the second, that day on the rooftop of the school when she closed the door on the idea of “Ayasa” for good.

“We could go somewhere else, Touma. Somewhere further west.”

Sayu Midorikawa was not one to be daunted by the rain, but even this idea felt like a hollow attempt to save an afternoon. We both knew that we didn’t have a penny to spare between us for something like a redo of karaoke or something else indoor. Sayu’s stipend was just enough to get by, and I was still paying Kanamaru’s interest whenever Hosoya or Ootake decided they wanted a snack. Even if we’d had the money, there weren’t many places left to spend it. All across Tokyo, people were closing up businesses and bars, fleeing the city until whatever might happen actually happened.

“Should we get something to eat?”

It was my turn to make the half-hearted suggestion. There weren’t many restaurants open. The few that were still serving were either too expensive for us or packed full of soldiers on day leave. There weren’t even any bacon cheeseburgers to be had.

“Ah. I don’t have any money left.”

That was an unusually grim sentiment from Sayu.”

“Anything at your house?”

That was more like her. Unfortunately, my house was definitely off limits. My father was essentially working night-shifts now, and would be sleeping on the chair in the family room by this hour. I couldn’t think of a worse time to bring a girl over.

“Just some chips. Anything left at the apartment?”

There wasn’t much more than a frown on her face. Sayu brushed aside a strand of her hair that was dripping wet, getting it out of her face. It was a played-up offense at the fact that I had so brazenly invited myself over. I didn’t really care to respond with played-up apologetics. The rain was getting to me.

“I miiight have something left in the fridge.”

“Great. Let’s go.”

Sayu made an exaggerated pout and started off in that direction. Ayasa was still playing the role perfectly.

We hurried through the streets back to her apartment. The streets were silent save for the tap-tapping of light raindrops and the splashing of our shoes. A few soldiers could be seen taking smoke breaks in the alleys, no doubt concealing themselves from superior officers urging them to get back to work. Allied MP jeeps made the rounds looking for anyone doing anything suspicious. The entire city felt like a prison.

Sayu didn’t even wait at the entrance to the apartment complex before dashing upstairs to get out of the rain. The umbrella she had brought along was too small to cover her, and the large one I had was too far away to stop anything from getting through. There hadn’t been any sharing today, unfortunately.

“Sorry, all I have is hamburger patties. I don’t have anything to season them with.”

Sayu was already looking through her sparsely-populated fridge when I stepped into the apartment.

“Hamburger patties?”

“Yeah. I can throw some veggies on them, if you’d like.”

It was true. There were only a pair of hamburger patties from a partly-opened container and a few assorted bags of vegetables, none of which looked well-suited to go with beef. Ayasa was probably having just as much trouble finding anything to buy as me and Miho had. Nevertheless, she dutifully took what she had out and began grilling it on the small electric range.

“Do you like hamburgers?”

“Yeah. I never thought you could get beef so cheaply he-”

Ayasa paused. Sayu wasn’t supposed to say something like this.

“-I tried making that bacon cheeseburger thing the other day, but it didn’t come out well.”

“Oh? What was the problem with it?”

“The bacon I found was cut way too thin. When I tried to look for something thicker, it was all gone.”

“Ah. You might not be able to get cuts like that anyway. I think it’s that restaurant’s specialty.”

The patties were sizzling in the pan. Ayasa struggled to flip them, as if she was unused to cooking with such a large chunk of beef. Of course, that was probably true. She didn’t look like an inexperienced cook, but was this an ingredient you could even get in the North?

“What’s your favorite dish to make?”

Ayasa tilted her head towards me, apparently not understanding the question.

“I make what I’ve got.”

“Yeah, but is there any kind you-”

No, never mind. This was probably a worthless question. It would only remind us of all the stuff we couldn’t have to eat right now. And who would really be answering? Sayu, who was good with anything? Ayasa, who probably had to make do with whatever she had at the moment? It was the same answer in any case. It didn’t matter.

“Oh. I know a good yakitori recipe.”

Well, that was a bit of a surprise. Maybe she did have some choices after all.

“That’s a shame.”

“Hmm? What is?”

“Oh. I would have liked to try it some time.”

“I’m sure there’ll be another time.”

Ayasa set down two plates on the small table. A grilled patty and some diced vegetables were plated unimpressively in each. I tried a small bite. It wasn’t anything special, but it wasn’t bad. Ayasa- or rather, Sayu- waited expectantly. Oh, right, this was my first time trying her cooking.

“It’s good.”

“Huh? That’s it?”

“Well, given the limitations- it’s about the best anyone could do, I think.”

“Is that how you compliment someone?”

More teasing fake-anger from Sayu. That was how Sayu would take my (admittedly) backhanded compliment. But Sayu’s fake-anger was itself a fake. Did that make it real anger, or fake-fake-anger?

“Did you have to cook like this a lot?”

“Hmm?”

“In the North, I mean. I hear it’s hard to get stuff there-”

Sayu’s smile dropped off Ayasa’s face. I was in dangerous territory again. What had Miho said about this? Stop pressing her? She’s not a puzzle to solve?

No. No, that wasn’t the right way to do this, was it? Ayasa wasn’t as perfect of an actor as she seemed. Now and then, here and there, she let little bits of herself slip through the fiction of the Sayu persona. Sooner or later, someone else might learn about her- who she really was.

“It’s okay. It’s just us right now.”

“It’s not okay.”

“I’m not going to-”

“Drop it.”

Ayasa tore into her hamburger patty. She was too good to let irritation show on her face, but she seemed to let it slip when it came to her eating habits.

“Ayasa.”

She paused.

“Who’s Ayasa?”

“You are.”

“Eeeeh, I don’t remember anyone calling me that. My name is Sayu. Sayu Midorikawa.”

“Quit playing dumb.”

Ayasa finally dropped the pretense.

“Fine. What?”

What? That was a good question. There were so many things I needed to ask Ayasa- the real Ayasa. Maybe this was my chance. All I needed was a way in.

“I wanted to talk to you about before.”

“Before? When?”

“Before all of this.”