The Perks of Being a Coffee Shop Worker

Jun: I forgot to pay

Youji: That's fine. 

Jun: no offense, but he's a little bitch

Jun: couldn't even tell me a joke

Jun: studies botany

Jun: have you ever met anyone interesting who studies that shit? because me neither

Youji: I have. Isao :) 

Jun: fuck off

Youji: You fuck off. :) 

Teddy: I can't believe you'd actually go without me. T-T

Jun: i waited 15 minutes

Jun: not my fault you couldn't show up in time

Yamada: pls stop spamming my phone im in the middle of a reunion

Jun: spam

Teddy: spam

Miyo: spam

Youji: spam

[Yamada has left the group.]

Jun: WWWWWWWW

Youji: I'll add him back later.

Jun: point is, youji's boytoy sucks 

Jun: 1/10 even miyo is better

Miyo: :(

Jun: :)

Miyo: fine, I'll be you-chan's girltoy

Jun: Yeah. Do whatever you want. I don't care.

Youji: He started it yet he's the one getting mad.

Jun: Who asked?

Miyo: Me. :)

Teddy: ok

Teddy: my turn

Teddy: to go visit

Youji: ??? 

Youji: No. Go away.

Teddy: uwu

Youji: I'll stab you again

Miyo: stab me you-chan stab meee 

Miyo: but not with a dagger ;)

Teddy: it was a pocket knife

Youji: Pocket knife, yeah. 

Miyo: you-chan, pocket knife? more like machete

Miyo: a claymore

Jun: Would you stop.

As a private message, Youji sent her the following: He's actually getting mad. I'd stop if I were you.

You guys know I'm teasing, Miyo replied. Besides, he started it.

Yes, but you know how he's been lately. 

It took some time for her to answer. You both. 

??? Me? How?

Teddy: I'm almost there

Miyo: aww 

Miyo: i wish i could go but I have deadlinesss

Jun: yet you're texting instead of working

Jun: aren't you supposed to be with your assistants right now?

Miyo: :( if jun-chan lectures me then I guess I have to go

[Miyo has been removed from the group.]

[Yamada has been added into the group.]

Yamada: i missed some drama

Jun: aren't YOU supposed to be in a reunion?

Yamada: this is more important

Jun: i hope you get fired

Teddy: ok im here

Yamada: I'll see if I can go after work

Youji: Would you guys PLEASE stop bullying my co-worker.

Jun: boytoy*

Yamada: i havent bullied anyone

Jun: I have. And I'll keep doing it.

The bell for the orders rang. Rima recited: "Three chocolate milkshakes, please! With, uh, extra whipped cream, marshmallows, a smiley face drawn with syrup on two of them and a... knife? On the third."

So Teddy had actually showed up. Youji bolted out, then told RIma, "Could you please go to the kitchen? I'll take the orders."

"That another friend?" She asked. Youji nodded. "Okay. Sure."

To Isao, Youji said, "Just ignore the guy with the hat. I'll attend him."

Isao did that thing where he started to claw at his hand. Would it be too rough if he...? 

"Could you please stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Isao asked.

"With your hand."

"...oh. That. I'm not gonna pierce the skin or anything. So it's fine."

"No it's not?"

"Yes it is. Focus on your. On your job. I'm fine."

He should've just gone with it and pull his hands apart. Isao would've recoiled, sure, but it'd be better than just... let him do that. At this point, to insist would unfortunately backfire. Had Rima taken Teddy's order, or had Isao? 

Teddy wore the same fisherman hat as usual, worn-out oversized button-down, ripped jeans. The only other thing Youji had seen him wear had been his uniform. And a hospital gown. While he waited, he went to check the jukebox. Oh dear. "Be right back," he told Isao. 

Upon reaching Teddy, Youji pleaded, "Be careful if you use it. It's really old and it's been malfunctioning lately."

Teddy chose a song that tripled him in lifespan. While he bobbed his head to the song, he asked, "Is the boytoy the one with braids or the one with glasses?"

"...what do you think?"

"Not sure. You always liked 'em feminine-looking."

"How does Isao look like a girl?"

"He doesn't. But he does. So he's the one with glasses or no?"

"Just." Youji gestured at the tables. "Sit down."

Unfortunately, Isao took the milkshakes before Youji got there in time; he'd been reckless. "Go away," Isao snapped when Youji tried to take the platter from him. At this point, he felt a headache looming, but he'd told himself to be nice. He'd told himself to stay calm. He could do this. He could.

He complied which, again, was a mistake; instead of coming back after delivering the order, Isao stayed next to Teddy, and Youji couldn't tell them to get a grip because a family walked in, smiling, bubbly, and it'd kill him to ruin their good mood. 

From the way they let the little boy choose, to quote, 'two cakes instead of one', the way the father laughed, the mother smiled sheepishly at Youji and the girl begged for the same 'once it was her turn', the little boy had probably done well at school or won an award or something. It was so cute Youji forgot Isao and Teddy were a thing.

Until he didn't. Until Isao came back. "Don't worry," he told Youji.

"I won't," he replied, knowing better than to ask what he meant. 

While Isao took care of the drinks, Youji cut the slices, which was why he hadn't felt Teddy approach until it was too late. "Yes?" Isao asked. 

"Hey, gimme some of that too. The strawberry one."

"Cherry," Isao corrected.

"Ehh. Same thing."

"No it's not."

"So what do you like about Youji?"

At this point, Youji had to scowl at him. Teddy looked back, then snorted. "What?"

"Nothin'. So?"

...right, the knife. So funny. "Take these to the family," Youji said once he finished using it. To cut cakes. For said family.

Isao shook his head. "No. I'll handle this."

"Isao, for fuck's—just. Please."

"You please."

Youji sighed, softly, for it was the best he could do, wherein he took the treat for the cute family. They couldn't care less about the world outside of the table. 

Now that he thought about it, there were... thirteen... fourteen... fifteen people at the shop: that had to be a record. He'd worked more this afternoon than he tended to do so in days. It was a good thing. Lots of good things happened. The sun was out. The music was tolerable for once. No reason to lose his patience over those two.

...or so he'd say, but he knew he'd get a headache the moment he walked back.

Youji cleaned a table nearby to gather patience. He set a crooked chair back in place. Watered a bizarre-looking plant Isao had brought because it didn't fit in his 'collection room' anymore. 

Time to go.

As he walked back, he witnessed the following:

Isao began, "I know what you guys are doing and it won't work."

Teddy responded, "Huh? Really?"

Isao threatened, "Really. You. Y-you guys don't know who you're messing with."

Teddy double threatened, "That's cool. I thought Jun was wrong anyway."

Isao exclaimed, "Jun!?"

Teddy replied, "Yeah. You know him or what?"

Isao concluded, "So that's who Jun was..."

And thus Youji had to intercede. "Your milkshakes are melting," he told Teddy. "If you behave, I'll let you feed one of the carnivorous plants."

Teddy's eyes sparkled. Youji should've thought of that before. This sent Teddy back to his seat, after which he drank his melted shakes. 

"Don't worry," repeated Isao.

"Honestly, you make it hard not to."

"You'll see. Everything will be fine."

"One, like I've told you before, they're my friends. Two, they're good friends. They just behave like that to be annoying. Three, I don't know what Jun told you, but he's harmless. Four, Teddy is... fine. He's fine now. He's kind of like you, though, so—"

"Dangerous?"

"...yeah. Sure. Just try to be as literal as possible if you talk to him again. Which I don't suggest you do."

"Okay, got it."

"You sure do."

"I'll protect you," Isao said, "don't worry."

"You sure will."

And yet, the smile and the light way in which Isao's fingers brushed Youji's own were sincere. In whatever world he lived in, he sure would. 

If so, why did he look so afraid half the time? Youji hadn't been there for the encounter with Jun, but Isao faced Teddy the way he had Rima, Mr. Clarence, other clients. With Youji, the declarations of protection almost felt like a plea. Innocent as they felt, how could he possibly take those words? As sweet nothings? Delusions? 'Isao being Isao?'

A third experiment: 

"So, how did you break an arm getting that ginkgo leaf?"

"Ah, well. I got it during a field trip last year. We were supposed to collect samples, and like I told you before that's my. You know. My second favorite plant, so I wanted to get that sample. No one else wanted to and I didn't have anyone else in my group and I hadn't climbed trees in years, so yeah. I fell down."

"But based on the color, you got it during autumn, right? Why not just get one from the ground?"

Isao shook his head. "I wanted that one."

"Why?"

He shrugged. 

"No, really. There has to have been a reason. I wanna know."

Based on the way he fidgeted, there was. "...okay, fine. I'll tell you because it's you. So. Like I told you before, there was no one else in my group. That's okay. I hate the people in my faculty anyway. All of them. They told me the same thing as you did, that I could just get one from the ground, but they didn't say that because it's common sense. They said it because they were talking to me. It's um, it's hard to explain. A lot of them climbed trees, and it was fine. For them. But it wasn't fine if I did it. So that's why I did it. I got the one at the top."

Youji asked, "Did they say anything after that?"

"Yeah, they asked if it'd been worth breaking an arm for."

"And it was."

"Yeah."

Classic Isao.