A proposal of sadness, prelude of grief

A woman adorned in white clouds stood beside me as I stared simply at the bright-blue sky that seemed so overwhelmingly big in its size.

"I see that you've clawed your way back to nobility, Baron." Nagahiro smiled softly.

I sat underneath a waving willow, whose branches spilled out like waterfalls within the sky. Its leaves were deep shades of jade, and it danced wonderfully against the quiet wind that brushed gently by.

"Even despite all that, it feels like I'm missing so much..." I whispered amidst the cold bite of the wind.

Chimes hung dutifully from one of the branches above, sounding out its echoing rings against the air with each gust of the breeze that chose to blow past.

In all aspects of my environment, the silence should have been peace.

"I've said it once before, but I think you're missing-"

"Then don't say it once more." I cut her off.

"How much longer can you ponder the absence of your family?" She asked of me with a furrowed, annoyed gaze. "I can be your family, so just let the walls of your heart fall away. I will be your love."

I don't know why I had felt the sharp pains of chest grow like bamboo in that moment. I simply stood up, and with darkened gaze, grabbed her by the chest of her shirt as I pulled her close.

"I told you not to speak of it once more." I spoke plainly. "I don't want to hear of 'love'. I don't want to ponder my family's absence. I don't want to explore myself introspectively. I just want to sit here, alone."

I let out a sharp sigh as I tried to calm the turmoil of my heart.

But my bitterness wouldn't cease.

"Your family is waiting for you to return, aren't they?" I spoke callously. "You should go."

"But-" She tried desperately to protest.

"Leave me, Ms. Nagahiro."

I could see the expression on her face sink in that moment, as if she had resigned herself to giving up.

That hurt my heart that much more, and I began to imagine that my own problems were thorns that pierced the skin of others.

Although, I had no clue of the depth of my stubborness, my jealousy, and that which I took for granted.

With teary eyes, she spoke simply in response one of the last few sentences I would have heard come from her lips.

"Then, I will leave you."

---

The applause of the crowd could still be heard from behind the red-satin curtains that had been drawn. In the backstage, many people whisked back and forth as the play drew to a close.

Yet despite that, Theresia and I stood alone within our own moment.

"We did a good job, didn't we...?" I smiled. "Together, we did it."

"Then, this is the union of the playwright, and of the poet?" Theresia spoke softly.

"You still speak of marriage?" I responded pentatively, looking off to the side with mellowed gaze.

Despite the bustle of the backstage, there was quiet between us.

It was wholly unnerving.

"Why does it hurt you so...?" She asked of me with worried eyes.

"I didn't trust myself enough to love... and the one closest to me died because of it..." I spoke softly. "So... I'm scared. I just want to be with you forever, even if nothing changes..."

With worried eyes, she touched her hand upon my cheek, and pulled me close.

It was funny to me, how she could embrace me, despite our differences in height that would make it seem inverse.

“I see... it’s painful, isn’t it? I cannot begin to understand, but I am here to comfort you. I hope you understand this.” Theresia said with a gentle tone. “I won’t ask again. I’m sorry I have brought up painful memories for you.”

“No... it’s not like that, I think.” I spoke in return. “I like when you ask me. It makes me feel wanted...”

In her arms, against her warmth, I don't think I minded talking about such things.

“Am I being too selfish, to not even give you this much?” I asked of her with saddened eyes.

“You have given me a kindness I could never return.”

“I am kind because I am selfish.” I spoke adamantly.

“I do not think that.” She responded simply.

“I only spread smiles because I want to feel loved in return...”

“I do not think that either.” She shook her head.

“I am kind to you because I love you.”

“I don’t think that’s wholly true.” She smiled. “You are kind because you are you, Agreste.”

With both hands, she pulled my gaze downwards to meet hers, which seemed full of fascination and joy as she spoke only of me.

“Those selfish traits, the ones you demean so easily... they are you, but they are not the whole of you.” Theresia spoke softly. “In my eyes, you are more than the feelings you hold deep in your heart. I cannot see those feelings. No one can see those feelings. We only see you, Agreste. We only see that which we love, which is you.”

I couldn’t speak another word in that moment.

I wondered why she fought so hard to portray my heart in such a way.

I wondered why she fought so hard for me.

I wondered if I really was ‘simply Agreste’.

Rather, what did 'Agreste' even mean to me?

A guilt had faded to a simple fear; an apprehension to move forward in matters of my own heart.

“Perhaps it will take months, years, or decades…” Theresia spoke softly. “But I will help you move past your apprehensions, and then the rings upon our aged fingers will sparkle in twin union. It doesn't matter how long it takes, for I will wait forever for you. But one day, I will have you, Agreste.”

Did I really have to hold myself back?

Couldn't I just have the courage to take a risk against my own heart?

Could I feel like I had family?