I'm being collected. [Do-Over]

“Hu- wha-”

“Ah, right, where are my manners. Unfair of me to ask about someone’s problem without at least telling them mine first. I’m a psychopath. Primary type. Don’t bother with that acronym shit, sounds stupid.” I had guessed he was asking about my disorder, but the completely unfiltered way he asked caught me completely off guard. How can people be so gung-ho about such sensitive topics.

“I’m a narcissist, by the way. I keep these idiots from causing issues so they don’t make me look bad.” The exasperated Saki is the next to speak, the conversation moving along quicker than I can keep up with.

“Me and Akane are both autistic. She’s nonverbal, though.” The conversation is cut in again, this time by Yosuke, who still retains the same bored tone as before. Akane remains hiding at his side, trying not to draw my attention.

I really don’t want to talk about this. I want to keep my illnesses under wraps. I want to be normal. I don’t want to be the schizo boy. I just want to be Taro. But they’re all looking at me so expectantly, so impatiently. Is there no way out of this? Do I have to just relent? I… I don’t think I have a choice.

“Can you… promise not to tell anyone else?”

“Sure.” said Makoto, still with that strangely oppressive smile.

“Guess that’s fine.” said Saki, shooting a look at Makoto that I’m guessing is supposed to mean ‘you’re overdoing it.’

“Why would I tell anyone?” Said Yosuke, seemingly genuinely puzzled at the idea.

I suppose this is… okay. A small group of people knowing isn’t the end of the world. I can’t say I’m comfortable with it, but that’s massively overshadowed by the fear that I’m feeling because of the stares piercing my soul.

“I… have PTSD. And the doctors also said I’m schizophrenic.” I await the inevitable reaction. The twitching, the grimacing, the discomfort. People don’t take kindly to that schizo- prefix. Will they look down on me? Treat me like trash? Think I’m too dangerous to be around? Are they gonna hurt me? Shout at me? Run away? Are they just gonna write me off as crazy? What if they think people like me don’t deserve to li-

“Schizo, huh? You don’t got one of those yet, right Ji?” Makoto’s words interrupt my thoughts.

“Nope, it’s one of the big one’s I’m missing.”

The reaction I was expecting never comes. In fact, they seem completely unphased. Instead of judging me as some delusional freak and leaving, as tends to happen so often, they instead turn their attention to Hanji. I find my anxiety partially replaced with confusion, their conversation making little sense to me.

“Still tryna pull one over on ol’ Hiko?”

“Don’t mention the prick’s name in front of me, Koto.”

Yosuke seems to realise my confusion, and walks up to my side to speak.

“Hiko is short for Akihiko, Hanji’s rival. He’s the biggest collector here, so Hanji’s always trying to beat him, to little avail.”

“Collec-? Oh, those people who collect people with certain disorders or something?”

“Bingo. Hiko and Hanji have been number one and two for ages at this point.”

Now I get it. They don’t see me as some dangerously mentally ill lunatic. They see me as a box to check off on Hanji’s list. A collector’s item, not even a person.

Is that… better?

“If you’re thinking this is all incredibly insulting, you’re right, but it’s been a practice here for years. Pretty much everyone is a part of someone’s collection. Out of all the ones I’ve met, Hanji is the least of those evils.” Yosuke clearly sees the discomfort on my face at such a dehumanising concept.

“No one ever tell you it’s rude to call someone evil, Yosuke? Especially when compared to that Akihiko bastard.” Hanji acts offended at Yosuke’s words, but her overly dramatic tone tells me it’s mostly theatrics.

“I won’t deny that you’re leagues better than that rat.”

The conversation is moving too fast for me to keep up, but I have no idea what question to ask or who to ask it to. I don’t have time to think about it for long, however, as Hanji turns her attention to me next.

“Trust me, Taro bro, you don’t want the other fuckers tryna snipe you. You need someone with a gentle nature to protect you. Like me.”

“I-I see.” Was the gentle nature comment a joke? She looks dead serious. And of course, I have absolutely no reason to trust the words of a self proclaimed sociopath, much less one who’s openly trying to gain something from me. Still, despite dragging me around like a ragdoll, Hanji hasn’t done anything to me yet that makes me think she’s particularly dangerous. Maybe just joining up with her is the best option. Sounds better than having a bunch of “collectors” fight over me like I’m some trophy for them to claim. Still, I should try to get more information before I go agreeing to anything.

“...can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“What makes you better?” I can think of no nicer way to ask the question. And I doubt she’d appreciate me beating around the bush anyone. Judging by the look of disdain on her face, however, it’s not a subject she likes talking about.

“Anyone would be better than that Akihiko bastard. He’s the sort who gives us sociopaths a bad name.” She spits as she says his name. Her hatred must run deep. “Sure, his collection’s the biggest, but it’s because of his scummy tactics. Threats, lies, violence, the whole nine yards. We ain’t like that her in the Hanji House. We’re all about that good shit. Love and Peace, y’know?”

“Love and Peace”

“Love and Peace”

“Love and Peace.”

Makoto, Saki and Yosuke all echo Hanji’s words, raising their fists above their heads in some weird salute. A sociopath using “Love and Peace” as her group’s motto momentarily catches me off guard, but it’s far from the strangest thing I’ve witnessed today. What she says doesn’t really answer my question though.

“So… how are you different? Don’t you two have the same condition as him?”

“That’s cold, Taro bro. Don’t lump is in with that bastard.” Hanji’s voice has a twinge of irritation.

“We’re not all violent bastards, like that rat who thinks he runs the school.” Makoto sneers as he speaks.

I think this is the first time I’ve seen Hanji seemingly take genuine offence to something. Although it’s difficult to tell if she’s offended or just expressing complete disdain for this Akihiko person.

“Anyway, we got rules we follow.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah, me and Koto came up with some rules of our own, since we don’t really respect the ones society lumps on us. Stops us from hurting people and stuff, y’know?”

“I see… what sort of rules are they?” The smirk on Hanji’s face tells me she’s been hoping I would ask this question. Her and Koto stand shoulder to shoulder and launch into an explanation. Their perfect timing in tandem with one another tells me they’ve rehearsed this.

“Well, there are five. Rule one: never escalate a disagreement to violence, unless the other person does first.”

“Rule two: don’t call people shit they don’t wanna be called, unless they’re an asshole and deserve it.”

“Rule three: don’t steal shit from people unless they stole it first, and don’t shoplift from local businesses.”

“Rule four: Help people who help you, always repay your debts.”

“And rule five: spread love and peace.”

“Love and peace”

“Love and peace”

“Love and peace”

That’s gonna get annoying real fast. But still, those rules sound… actually reasonable. Am I being overly judgemental, assuming that they’d have some warped sense of morality? This runs contrary to what I thought I knew.

“But… why? You guys don’t have a natural conscience, right? So why the rules?” Every cell in my body tells me I should stop asking questions, but I hesitantly push past it. I can’t let myself be pressured into agreeing to something, only to regret it later.

Both of them seem to think on it for a minute, but it’s Makoto that eventually speaks up.

“Well, Taro boy, let me put it this way: you get a lot of judgement for your hallucinations and shit, right?” Makoto flips the question around on me.

“You could… definitely… say that.”

“Ever wish you could just get rid of ‘em and be like everyone else?”

“All the time, yeah.”

“Well, now imagine the judgement you’d get if you had no sense of right or wrong. People’d probably be scared shitless of ya, right?”

“I… think I get it.”

What he says makes a surprising amount of sense. Even for one who cares little for the judgement of others, there must be a level of frustration with constantly being grouped in with serial killers and the like. A set of rules to stop yourself from transgressing and worsening that judgement… it’s a fairly logical choice.

“That’s also why we hate that Akihiko fucker so much. He’s the sort of person that gives us antisocial folk the rep you probably know us for. He’s violent, he’s cruel, and he loves to make people suffer. And unlike us, he makes no effort at all to keep those feelings under wraps.”

The implication that Hanji enjoys the suffering of others aside, the reasoning certainly makes sense. While people like Hanji and Makoto will never be able to live like neurotypical people, they at least make the effort. The violent minority paints all of them in a worse light than they deserve.

“I… guess that does make you guys the better option.”

“That mean you’re joinin’ my collection?”

“...I’m still not really sure what that entails.”

Even though I don’t exactly trust her, it seems like sticking with Hanji will at least somewhat keep me out of trouble. But I can’t just agree to ‘join her collection’ or whatever without actually knowing what I’m agreeing to. I don’t want to sign my life away on my very first day here.

“There’s not much to it. Just that you have to tell the other collectors that you’re mine, and you gotta follow the Hanji House rules. Outside of that, we’re peachy.”

“I-I see. I guess that means I’m on bo-”

“Hold on a minute, there, schizo boy. You sure you wanna join these posers?”

I turn towards the new voice, which is coming from the door to the roof.

“What do you want, Hiko?”

Hanji’s expression turns sour.