XXIII. wakumi bates

"—to. Thank you."

She mustn't have heard me. I'd scare her if I spoke above a whisper, though, so,

...so I did just that once the nurse left. "Hanamuraaa..."

Something shifted at the world beyond the curtain. "Huh?"

"Cursed be those who can hear me..."

"Hm. Saku. Hi."

"What the—" She tried to brush the curtains aside, but I held them in place. "—you can understand me? If so, stop. Pulling."

"No."

"No to what? Stop."

"Let. Me. See."

"See what? You're acting like a—"

A door slid open, so we let the curtain go with uncannily synchronized timing.  Any longer and I would've started hearing shrill violins in the background. Right, I forgot this woman was insane. "How do you feel, sweetie?" Asked the nurse, to Wakumi Bates. "I haven't been able to get in touch with your grandparents yet."

"T-that's fine. And I'm fine. And they're fine."

"I'll try giving your parents a call anyway."

"They won't answer."

Since it was none of my business and it'd piss me off if someone else were to eavesdrop about something like that, I put a pillow above my head. It smelled clean. I'd half-expected a mix between cheap detergent and sweat. In fact, it almost suffocated me into another Proustian memory, but I managed to rip it off in time...

...only to find Hanamura had opened the curtains. "Uh. Do you mind?"

"Sorry." She let them go again. Now, safely segregated (again), she added, "I just wanted to make sure it was you."

"That's such a bullshit excuse."

"That really sucks. That you're sick."

"We both are, apparently."

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's gonna—" A cough. "—sing. Have you thought of an emergency plan?"

I nodded, like she could see me. "Guilt them into letting me back in."

"Oh. Okay."

"That's the plan, but." If I could have, I would've sighed through the nose. "I don't want to do that. I'm not even sure why."

"Why don't you want to open the curtain? It's not like the beds are that close anyway."

Talk about a non-sequitur. "Why do you want to open them?"

"Because... because... oh, I know. Don't you want to say you were lying in bed with a cute girl? I wanna say I was. Lying in bed with a cute guy."

"...uh."

"..."

"..."

"...p-please say something."

"Someth—"

"You know what? You know what? I'll just open them again."

Hanamura did this—quite violently—before lying back down. She'd pulled the thin, white sheets up to her nose, strawberry blond hair spilling out of the edge of the bed. Given she stared at the ceiling, I saw no point in her pushing the curtains to the side in the first place, but whatever. It was just a little bit, anyway, in case the nurse came back...?

And now she wasn't talking...?

Then what was the point...?

She turned around so that her back faced me.

"Hana..." I trailed off. Was this a 'whatever' moment or not? I could never seem to tell lately. "...Wakumi-sama?"

That made her head jerk a bit. "I thought you forgot about that."

"Your name? No. Shockingly."

"No, me telling you to call me Wakumi. Without the sama."

"That'd make life not worth living."

"Maybe."

"..."

"..."

"...can you actually understand everything I'm saying? Is it because I'm whispering?"

"Yeah, I can. I sound worse than you anyway."

She certainly didn't. That said, I hadn't noticed she whispered until then. This was kind of esoteric. "Fine, then I'll talk a bit louder. Like I told you before, I don't really know why, but I don't want to cheat my way back into that stupid club. It's 'something I'd do' I guess, but it's pointless."

She didn't look at me, but I saw her head move again. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I even had this fantasy yesterday which... well, I guess you could call it a fever dream. Anyway, I thought I could get good at soccer again, so good, that they'll beg me to join the team, and once I do, the assholes from theater will also beg me to join again, but it'll be too late, and then we'll win nationals."

Wakumi turned around.

"But then I thought about that dumb play for the cultural festival, and how, once I go see it, it'll be the same thing as, um. It's easier if you pretend not to understand."

"I don't," she replied. "It's like static."

"Stop staring at me."

"You're also staring at me."

"Because you—" I broke out coughing. Guess it was long overdue. I sat up; so did she. I wore pants; she didn't. Perhaps she forgot about the fact. One leg dangled off the bed, one didn't, as she leaned forward to—

I batted her hand away. "Sorry," she said. I supposed she wanted to pat my back or something. No. 

Clearing my throat, I shook my head. If only coughing silently was a thing. Hated it. "Pink," I said, even though it wasn't her fault.

"Pink w—oh. How about yours?"

I kept forgetting. I kept forgetting about her non-reactions. 

Hanamura :3'd. "They're modesty shorts, anyway. Who cares. See?"

"What the—don't lift your skirt!"

"They're just shorts."

Her non-reaction was such that it felt silly to do otherwise, but like... it wasn't every day that a girl lifted her skirt at me with her legs spread open like that. Thank fuck I had a fever. "True," I said. "They're just shorts. Clothes are just clothes. I'll show you mine now."

"Yesplease."

SERIOUSLY? 

"It's good to know you think this way too, to be honest. People here are too weird. Yu—I mean Honda-san's skirt flew up by accident once in front of a bunch of guys, and she started screaming. You'd think she'd just put it back on so no one would notice, but no? She screamed. I don't get it."

"You're insane," I told her. 

She didn't reply, which made me look at her, which made me realize I'd hidden my profile with the pillow at some point. Lame. I put it down. It was her turn to hide, but she forgot. Thus, I got a look at a chameleonless, colorless reaction for what felt like the first time since I'd met her. It wasn't nice. She looked like I'd just told her to shut up. "Forgot," she said. "Sorry."

"About what?"

"Nothing. So what'll you do about the theater thingy?"

"Forgot what?"

"Nothing."

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "Then you shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Forgot about what?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't."

"See? Then there's no point in answering."

While aware of how immature this was, I couldn't care less at the moment, so I lay back down, facing the wall. Was it because I called her insane? It wasn't even in a bad way. I could always apologize, sure, but it was hard to do so sincerely when I didn't even know what I'd done wrong. 

Sniffling.

There was sniffling.

"...Hanamura? Are you crying?"

There was no more sniffling. 

This time, when I turned around, she'd wrapped the sheets around her like a coccoon. "Hey," I said.

There was muffled sniffling.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just, uh."

There was angry sniffling.

Oh dear. "It's nice?"

"It's not. Or you wouldn't have called m-me that."

"I said it without thinking."

"Exactly."

"But not in a bad way?"

Very angry sniffling.

I must've opened an old wound by accident. That was the problem with giving meanings to words. They couldn't hurt if they stayed intangible. However, to be and say nothing meant that 'I'm sorry' was as strong yet as weak a phrase as 'I love you'. 'Thank you'. 'Please don't go'. 'Pudding.'

Regardless, she wouldn't believe anything I said at this point.

I didn't care. Hence me saying that. I also lied a lot. 

"Bye." Hanamura hopped off the bed. However, she forgot to break free from the coccoon, so she fell instead of standing. The nurse didn't show up, though, so I guessed the blanket had dulled the fall to a thud. "...ugh."

Same.

If words didn't matter, then actions hopefully would. 

With a bit of effort, I stood up. Hanamura remained a splat on the floor, unmoving. "Are you hurt?" I asked, walking (more like wobbling) towards her. "Did you die? Is it still pink?"

"...can you see?"

"What? Oh, no. Just the blanket. Here. I'll help you up."

"Why?"

"Because—" I bit it back. Perfect time to say something stupid, yet I bit it back. Time to answer like that, not like That. "—I care?"

"...about..."

"You."

Due to the convenient layer between us, I couldn't see her non-reaction this time. Thankfully. Now I just felt stupid holding my hand out like that. 

"Could you say that again?" She asked.

'That again'. 

Fine. 

FINE. "I c—"

A hand burst out of the blanket-splat, seizing mine. How dramatic. I could excuse myself for having a hard time lifting her up; she clung to the blanket as I did. Ghost Hanamura. She didn't move away, didn't let my hand go. Demon Hanamura? She said, "I like you."

"..."

"..."

"...huh."

"I like you."

"I heard you the first time."

"Yeah. I imagined it wasn't mutual."

"...are you kidding?"

"Nope."

"Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Uh. Okay. Um. But. Why?"

"Hm. We should go back before the nurse sees this. She'll think you're summoning a demon with your demon voice."

"Hanamura."

"W-what?"

"Are you seriously not kidding?"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"...you're joking."

"I'm not. Are you?"

"Uh. No...?"

"Hm."

"...?"

"...!"

I held her hand in place for some reason. Prisoner Hanamura. Insane Hanamura. Delirious...? "Okay," was all I could say.

"Okay," was all she wanted to say. 

"...seriously, you have to be j—"

"She's not, man!" Somebody else cried from one of the beds. "Fuck's sake."

I didn't see who it was. Where they were. Why they were. I wished curtains also blocked the bottoms of beds. Feet. Whatever. Whatever the fuck it was. Fuck. Based on the way she gripped my hand she, too, was embarrassed, but at least she had a blanket to cowardly hide with. 

Yeah, no, she had to be kidding. 

It had to be a bet or something. From her neighborhood friend. Which she probably dated. So neighborhood boyfriend. It was a joke. She was joking."L-let's go back to the. To the..." I cleared my throat, like that'd work. "...the. Thing."

The ghost nodded. From the corners of my eyes, I caught some dude with a pillow over his head, not too far, not too close, but which was best forgotten. 

The ghost lay back on her designated bed. I lay back on mine. I couldn't breathe. It was a joke, though, so this reaction was pointless. Words were meaningless or whatever. We barely even knew each other and I'd made her cry like half an hour ago. It wasn't even the first time. The nurse came back and said something I couldn't hear, but it wasn't directed to me, so it's not like it mattered. To Hanamura, probably. I heard her leave not too long after, saw the empty, unmade bed next to me, the white, sterile environment that seemed so vast all of a sudden.

Right, they'd probably come to pick her up. She'd probably skip school tomorrow. 

Good.

Good...

So would I.

But first, because I'd told her to, I had a club to rejoin.