Chapter 31 Goblin Medicine

Goblinworth, in his bewildered state, collided with the basin, sending his senses into a chaotic spiral. For a brief moment, he lost consciousness, his body slipping down into the water pool. There, he floated like a twisted goblin buoy, his back above the surface like a drowned creature left to rot in the pond.

Amid the chaos and the splashing water, the goblins erupted into uproarious laughter, their high-pitched giggles filling the air like a contagion.

"Oh, splashy goblin dance! Splat goes the goblin dance!" they cackled in their peculiar goblin speech, their words a testament to their gleeful foolishness.

But the fun ended when they saw Goblinworth's lifeless body floating in the water. The group of goblins that had so unceremoniously thrown him into the water stood frozen, their expressions shifting between shock and confusion. One goblin's eyes bulged, his head tilting back in bewilderment, his mouth agape in a ridiculous O shape like a caught fish. 

"Uhhhhhh... wha... what just...? Huh?" he mumbled, his words a jumble of confusion.

Another goblin twitched nervously, his eyes darting around as if searching for an escape route from their own folly. He scratched his head, his gaze darting frantically between his companions.

 "G-guys, I think he's, uh, not moving. Is this some kind of game? Did Goblin learn a new trick? He's not moving! What if he's...you know, gone?" he stammered, his voice tinged with panic.

 A third goblin began muttering to himself, his words a string of incomprehensible babble.

"No, no, this can't be real. Maybe he's just napping on the water... Yeah, that's it...! Wait! But goblins don't nap on the water! What if it was the water monsters? They got him! No, no wait! Water monsters? In the fountain? Nonsense!"

 Yet another started sprinting in frantic circles around the fountain, arms flailing like branches in the wind and ears flapping wildly.

"We're in trouble! This is trouble! Goblin, speak up! I didn't know goblins could drown! Quick, someone pokes him with a stick, maybe he's just... stuck!"

Amidst the frenzy, a goblin suddenly yelped, "I have an idea! Let's give him a slap to wake him up! He's just sleeping, right? A good ear slap should do the trick!"

 With a coordinated effort, they hoisted Goblinworth's limp form out of the fountain, his body flopping onto the ground in a rather undignified manner.

"Hey, he ain't dead, right? Just snoozin', I guess!" one goblin cried with a crooked grin.

"Yeah, yeah! We just gotta wake him up, give him a slap or somethin'!" another goblin chimed in, nodding enthusiastically.

"Right, right! Ear slap, that'll do the trick!" yet another goblin added, nodding sagely as if they had stumbled upon a solution.

Without a moment's hesitation, the group converged around Goblinworth's facedown body.

"Alright, on three, everyone! Ready?" a goblin bellowed, clearly the self-appointed leader of this rather unconventional rescue mission.

"Wait, wait! How do we count again?" a goblin interjected, scratching its head in confusion.

"Uh... One, two, skip a few, three!" another goblin offered, receiving nods of approval from the rest.

And so, with the count complete, they each seized their own ears and swung them like whips, creating a grotesque symphony of wet clapping and slapping sounds of skin meeting skin that echoed through the surrounding area.

"Get up, Gobby! Wakey-wakey!" a goblin hollered, its efforts in full swing.

"Oi, did it work yet? He's still droolin'!" another goblin yelled, peering at Goblinworth's unresponsive face with a critical eye.

"Nuh-uh, keep goin'! More slaps, more slaps! Whip whip whip! Ears go snap-snap!" a goblin yelled, its enthusiasm undeterred by the apparent lack of progress.

Goblinworth's body writhed and contorted under the onslaught of ear slaps, his goblin screeches filling the air. But the goblins were relentless, their misguided attempts at revival showing no signs of stopping.

"Stop, you dumb goblins! I'm fine! Wree!" Goblinworth's cries went unheeded as the goblins continued their slap-induced ritual, convinced they were performing a profound act of goblin medicine.

Goblinworth's protests, muffled by his contorted expression, only fueled the goblins' misguided attempts at revival.

"Ha! You see, he's talking now! Slap him harder, Stumpy!"

"Wait, wait! What if we slap, with both ears, at the same time? Double the effect!"

"Maybe we should slap his nose, just in case!"

"Yeah, and his toes too! Full-body revival!"

As their frenzied efforts continued, one goblin's voice rose above the rest, yelping, "It's not working! We need a new plan, quick!"

Amid the chaotic scene, a goblin's voice rang out, surprisingly clear amidst the frenzy. 

"I know what to do! We need to do stomp compression! I saw one lifeless goblin come back to life after a ruling goblin stomped on him, it should work on him too!" The idea was met with a chorus of grunts, grumbles, and enthusiastic yells of agreement from the gathered goblins.

"Stomp compression! Yeah! Stomp him back to life!" cried one goblin, a twinkle of hope in his eyes.

"Quick! We no let Goblin be a flat goblin pancake!" shouted another goblin, his arms flailing wildly.

A third goblin chimed in, his words barely coherent through his excitement.

 "Step! Step! Make flat goblin not flat! We smash life back!"

Goblinworth's plight had spurred the goblins into action, their minds churning with absurd ideas, fueled by their misguided determination to revive their fellow goblin.

With a raucous cheer, the goblins lifted tiny feet like a chaotic army ready to execute their unconventional plan. The air filled with a frenzy of shouted encouragement and offbeat reasoning.

"Okay, ready? Stomp, stomp, stomp!" one goblin yelled, his voice reaching a fever pitch.

"Step hard! Like mushing mud!" another added, his voice equally enthusiastic.

And so, the dance of salvation began. In a synchronized, though utterly nonsensical, display, the goblins stomped and danced on Goblinworth's flattened figure. It was as if they were participating in some odd, rhythmic ritual, complete with shouts of "Stomp! Stomp! Squish!"

As goblins tried to outdo each other with the sheer vigor of their stomping, Goblinworth's flattened form quivered and jiggled, as if responding to the chaotic treatment. The scene bordered on the absurd, resembling a peculiar dance party more than a life-saving endeavor.

"Make him rise like bread dough!" yelled a goblin, his voice a clamor of enthusiasm.

"We make him puffy, puffy like a mushroom!" shouted another, his understanding of anatomy clearly skewed.

With every stomp, the goblins seemed to fuel each other's fervor, caught up in the bizarre ritual they believed would bring Goblinworth back to life. Their words and actions were a jumble of enthusiasm, misunderstanding, and earnest hope, creating a spectacle that was as bewildering as it was oddly endearing.

Goblinworth, soaked and befuddled, struggled to his feet with a mixture of confusion and irritation. He glared at the jubilant goblins around him, "You... you bunch of absolute dunderheads! What in the name of every misshapen goblin tail is this nonsensical hullabaloo? Cease your incessant stomping on my sorry self!" he yelled, his voice a blend of anger and bafflement.

"Gobby dance, oh wobbly dancy-wancy! Stompy-stomp, bring back to life of jolly giggles! Glee and stompity-stomp, what a fortuitous moment, the Goblin lives!" they chortled in a bizarre chorus, their words and phrases a tangled mess of giggles and gobbledygook.

Amidst the goblin chaos, I struggled to stifle a laugh of my own, utterly captivated by their peculiar brand of speech. Their words were a symphony of nonsense, a mishmash of sounds that swirled into a confounding whirlwind of goblin absurdity.

Just as the goblin group continued their raucous display, a voice, sweet yet dripping with playful allure, swirled behind me. 

"Ara, ara? What do we have here, I wonder? Oh, it's none other than the dashing Kazuki, enjoying the spectacle that these adorably foolish goblins are conjuring, aren't you?" Olivia's teasing tone echoed, carrying with it a sense of flirtatiousness that was impossible to ignore.

Turning toward the sound, my gaze met the sight of Olivia, gracefully strolling alongside Helen. Her arms were wrapped around Helen's frame as if she feared the wind might carry her beloved away if she let go.

I greeted the pair with the mannerisms of a refined nobleman, my words dripping with elegance and charm.

 "Ah, dear Olivia and esteemed ruler Helen, what an unexpected pleasure to encounter such lovely ladies amidst this uproar. The goblins' display may be chaotic, but it certainly carries a certain charm, wouldn't you concur?"

"Ara, ara, indeed," Olivia mused, her tone playful.

"It appears even the most unexpected situations can become quite the entertainment, especially with these mischievous little creatures around."

Helen chuckled, her affection for the goblins evident.

"They may be a handful, but they sure know how to light up the place. And it seems they've taken quite a liking to you, Kazuki."

My eyes widened in sheer astonishment as I witnessed the utterly absurd transformation of the goblins in the presence of the alluring Olivia. It was as if time had frozen for the entire group, their jaws hanging comically agape, forming a sight that was simultaneously hilarious and bewildering. Their reactions resembled those of cartoon characters, taken to an extreme.

Then, in a bizarre twist, their attention shifted toward Helen, Luminecia's ruler. The atmosphere seemed to shift from awe to sheer terror, akin to mice spotting a hungry cat. A tide of trembles and quivers rippled through their green-skinned forms as if they were caught in a seismic fit.

The goblins collapsed to the ground, their attempts at bowing taking on a ludicrous quality. Instead of the graceful, respectful bow one might expect, their movements resembled a peculiar blend of wobbling, flailing, and uncontrollable trembling. Their limbs flailed, and their heads bobbed awkwardly as if they were attempting to mimic a bird's mating dance.

But their bewildered reaction wasn't limited to gaping mouths. Their gaze, like a flickering light, darted back and forth between Olivia and Helen. As if struck by a bolt of lightning, the goblins began to tremble and quake, their knees wobbling like jelly.

"Ugh, I see a shiny human lady! What do we do?" one of the goblins exclaimed in a high-pitched, confused tone.

"Me no know! Shiny lady with sparkly hair! Oh, what I do?" another goblin chimed in, flapping its arms in the air like an overly excited bird.

The third goblin, seemingly caught in the absurdity of the situation, managed to stammer, "Bow? Yes, bow! Like this? No, no, more like this!" It promptly flopped onto the ground, limbs sprawled in all directions.

Their attempts at proper behavior devolved into a chaotic display of flailing and exaggerated expressions. It was as if a comedy sketch had come to life, complete with over-the-top gestures and nonsensical chatter.

"Shiny lady make us forget how to goblin!" one goblin blurted out, its voice a curious blend of awe and bewilderment.

"Big boss lady no like this! She is scary like a big bear!" another goblin muttered, cowering in mock fear.

Helen, who had been observing this bizarre spectacle, couldn't help but chuckle at their antics. "Oh, goblins, you never fail to bring a smile to my face," she remarked, her amusement evident.

The goblins, in their own unique way, tried to mimic proper bowing once again, collapsing into a heap and rolling around in a spectacle that was as hilarious as it was endearing.

"Lady so pretty! Much pretty! Goblins like pretty! Hehe!"

"Goblin see Helen! Big boss Helen! Goblins bow like this! Bow, bow, fall down!"

"Haha! Pretty lady, pretty boss! Goblin does not know what to do!"

"Hair is shiny! Shiny like stars! Goblins love shiny!"

"Helen big! Goblins are small! Small goblin bow to big Helen!"