1 - My Life (as it is)

In order for that shoujo-esque gibberish you just read to make sense, I suppose I should give some background information about myself.

The time when I was born… Haha, no. No worries. I won't go back that far!

My name is Yuuma Matsushima, though some know me by my nickname 'Mattsun'. I'm 26, working as a copywriter at an agency. I could describe myself as a guy with average height, with blonde hair which is dyed dark at the lower sections. As for my facial features… I wouldn't want to sound like I am bragging at all, but I frequently receive compliments on being pretty. "Wow, your skin is so clear!", "Your eyes have such a beautiful shape and color!", "You really look like female idols!" are some of the most common praises I receive.

You might be wondering something. Yeah, I am pretty sure that some men would mind it very, very much to be compared to female idols, but I found them to be very beautiful so… I kinda had no reason to be uncomfortable. However, what did bother me about these comments would be—

If I am so beautiful, how come I haven't found my special person yet?!

Now, don't get me wrong—I love my family, friends, coworkers and even most of my neighbors. But I can't help but wish for that special connection, you know?

Curious about my love experience? I'd say it's closer to 0 than 1. I've had many failed dates here and there, to minimal positive outcomes. Which was such a shame, as I was quite the romantic at heart.

…perhaps, this'd be the ideal timing to reveal that I am an avid reader of shoujo manga?

Ever since I was little the sparkles, the excitement, the drama appealed so much to me that I couldn't help but get entrapped between the pages for hours and hours, all in one sitting. I have utmost respect for all the authors and artists who bring their titles to life, creating beautiful worlds I wanted to get lost in forever and ever.

I'd be happy if you could keep this as a secret, but sometimes I find myself dreaming to be inside those titles, being the receiver of such love and care. As the male lead? No… As the female lead.

Is it weird if I want to be like those charming main characters? Wearing beautiful fashion, finding my dear person, flowers and sparkles all around me as the most romantic phrases are being uttered close to my ear…?

Sigh… I am making a fool of myself, I know. Such fiction can never become reality. I am just one regular guy living in Tokyo, living my days wishing for identities I'm too afraid to extend my hands to.

There's nothing to be done.

…is what I thought right up until last weekend. Somehow, I managed to bring myself to wear an entire princess gown, attend an anime con, and fall in love?!

If it's alright with you, let's take it two weeks prior to the con, and hopefully you can make sense of these events which sent my entire being into a frenzy.

—

"Excited for your date?"

A certain coworker placed a cup of coffee next to my laptop and took a seat in front of me. He seemed to be in the mood for a chat.

"Oonishi-san… Thank you for the coffee…" I glanced at the hour. It was 3:30 PM, which was one of the times in the day where our office workers could take a break, if they wanted.

"I didn't realize it was this hour…"

My coworker grinned wide and brought his arms together in front of him, as if he were very proud of me. "Matsu-kun, always the hard worker∼" I found myself shyly smiling and scratching the back of my neck. Despite working here for a while now, the presence of Oonishi-san always made me feel nervous…

Oonishi Tasuku, 31 years old, nicknamed 'Task-kun' in our office. A tall, dark haired handsome man sporting impeccable fashion at all times. He was easily the most charismatic person I ever knew, magnetizing everyone into liking him by some mysterious, powerful force. His good looks and kind, playful personality definitely helped him with that.

Since I was the type to keep to myself and get lost in my work (which was the case this time around as well), occasionally he'd make a point to chat with me and get updates from my life. Once I told him something, he never forgot—and frankly, sometimes I wish he did…

"T-thank you, Oonishi-san… As for the date," I closed my laptop's lid gently and sighed. "I'd say I am more nervous than excited. I don't have a good feeling about this, at all…"

The black haired man tilted his neck and thought for a bit.

"Uhh… Well, as you know, I may not be the exact person to give dating advice, but…" He gave me yet another charming grin. "No matter how it goes, make sure to stay true to yourself. That person should like you for who you are, not for someone else. Please don't feel like you have to play a role, got it? Matsu-kun, you always tend to keep your true self all locked up inside…"

He nodded knowingfully in an exaggerated manner. "You can't hide it from me, but someone who is less observant may miss out on your charms. So don't be afraid, and just try to have fun!"

I couldn't reply back for a bit, lost in my thoughts.

Oonishi-san, being handsome, tall, successful and full of charms, he could have anyone at the palm of his hands. Yet, he never dated anyone, citing his lack of interest as the main reason. He preferred his friends, coworkers, and family, and most importantly—his own company. I truly admired that. I wish I could have been satisfied with the way things were, too, but my heart couldn't help but ache for that special person.

Even then, all I had were failed dates. It was inevitable that I had started to doubt my personality, looks, and even my interests. Could it be that I just wasn't made for this…?

"Ooooi, Matsu-kun? You don't have to reply to me if you don't want to, but your coffee is getting cold∼?"

I snapped back from my gloomy thoughts.

"A-ah, sorry… It's not like I don't want to keep talking, I just got lost in thought for a bit. Say, Oonishi-san…"

I took a sip from the coffee, the warmth immediately filling me with joy, to the point I felt it was a bit of a waste that I was about to say something that carried quite the negative energy.

"Do you think my lack of love life has anything to do with my… Looks, personality or even interests? As you know, I…"

He waved his hands, not letting me continue. "What's this? Self doubt? No, no, I can't allow it. You are a perfectly handsome young man, holding your passions dear to your heart. How is that anything but not charming?"

He clicked his tongue and stood up from his seat.

"Their loss, I say. Don't ever worry about it, and just keep trying. You never know when the person you will hit it off with is gonna appear, y'know​​∼? Well then, I shall take my leave. Do enjoy your coffee break in peace and solitude, just the way you like it."

I thanked him for the coffee and the kind words.

Even though Oonishi-san had told me to enjoy my break time in peace, I found myself reaching for my phone and opening the online dating app I tended to use. I checked the messages I had exchanged with my upcoming date.

Umi Tanida, 24 years old. Working as a waitress. She was quite beautiful, with an appearance that didn't exactly hide the efforts she made in order to look pretty. Her hair, makeup, style and nails were all heavily tended to. I felt my heart beat with nervousness. In our conversations, I had tried to sound all cool and disinterested, but actually I would have loved to ask where she got her earrings from…

Maybe if I gathered my courage and took Oonishi-san's advice, I could ask her about it during the date… Since I had an interest in all kinds of accessories, but had to hide them in order to look more… Manly, or something like that.

I was bullied pretty harshly because of it in the past, so…

Memories started flooding in, without my consent. I shook my head, and tried to conjure up the images of my two best friends, who had protected and defended me since I was a mere elementary school kid. Mayu and Riku—I owed so much to them.

As if summoned by some invisible force, my phone vibrated with a text message. It was from Mayu.

mayuyu: yahoo!! handsome boy!!! excited for the date this evening??

mayuyu: make sure to snap me a pic of your fit before leaving your house and this mayu shall give you a fashion evaluation!

Her enthusiastic and playful tone never failed to put a smile on my face. Mayu studied costume design and she had the fashion sense to back it up, so I would frequently take her advice in all things style related.

Mattsun: of course, mayuyu! i can't step outside for a date without your permission and approval first.

mayuyu: is that sarcasm, huuuuh?

Mattsun: no no, you know i am not that type of guy, mayuyu! i'm honest!

mayuyu: oooh, don't i know. well then, focus on your work and try not to get too nervous oki? all will be fine, mattsun! faito!!!

I sent her a hugging sticker of a mascot character we both liked. I put away my phone, forgetting all about my nerves. Who cares if yet another date failed?