Arcade and Orange Chicken

I was mouth-opened and wide-eyed with the discovery that she liked the same idol band as me. At that moment, while still outside the arcade, I felt tingles throughout my entire body and my excitement was uncontainable.

"I never knew you liked RONDselia too, Ringomori-san?!"

She seemed startled by my sudden increase in volume, looking up from her phone with slight concern.
"...Well––"

"When did you first start listenin' to them?!" I eagerly interrupted her.

"I…started listening to them in…early elementary school, back when they were still active…"
There was a long pause with her lips still parted as if she was going to continue, but her dispirited gaze seemed like she was unconfident in what she would say.

To prevent an awkward silence, I said, "I wish I could've known them back then. I remember first hearin' about them when I entered middle school, since that was when their disbandment was all over the news."

She still didn't seem into the conversation, and I didn't know if it was because of something I said or did. Perhaps the disbandment was still too soon for her. I contained my excitement and veered away from the actual band to their fictitious version.

"D-Do you play the r-rhythm game?"

She raised her head.
"No…I don't play it… I'm not skillful at video games. However…I do read the manga based on the game."

"Oh, you do? I-I've been wantin' to read those, but I can't seem to sit still and read anymore, my attention span is broken."

"I understand what you mean, but I'm certain that the manga will keep you entertained as much as the game."
Her sullied expression appeared to have faded.

I was filled with ecstasy after feeling like I had gotten to know her better, and felt like she was getting to that point too, after a bumpy start. We took our first steps into the arcade and it felt like we were transported to another world filled with our idols.

We browsed the arcade and played whatever games interested us. Neither of us were great at the physically challenging games and usually came up short of the prizes, but that didn't mean we gave up easily. I later found my calling with claw machines. The prizes were related to RONDselia members and their stories' side characters.

After a few hours in the arcade, we both spent an amount of money that would worry any accountant. We won plushies and pins and stickers; I collected nearly everything related to the band's guitarist – who was my favorite.

"I wouldn't have assumed that you liked Aoi-san," Ringomori said. "Her character arc in the story made me cry a little."

"I remember readin' it in the game, but it isn't the same since there's only character models with very little expressions."

"You definitely need to read it, you'll feel more immersed."

Even with all the fun, I subconsciously conceived a sunken sorrow from nothingness that lingered in the back of my mind.

Am I allowed to be this happy?

To prevent her from seeing my overthinking, I did what I normally do and masked myself with a smile; it wouldn't hurt anyone.

Another hour passed and we both silently agreed that we had our fill of fun and we won everything that we could. It was difficult to restrain ourselves from spending more, but we eventually left the arcade.

"It's almost two now, are you hungry? I am." I asked.

"I could go for lunch as well. From what I remember on the map, there should be a food court on this floor."

"Oh, you're right. I see a sign over there."

"The perks of being tall," she said with a giggle.

The food court was on the opposite side of the arcade. We entered the area and browsed all the options. There were typical fast food joints along with local family businesses.

"Do you have a favorite food, Vieira-kun?"

"Nope," I responded immediately. "Post-accident me can't really taste or smell, so all kinds of food are bland to me. What about you?"

Her lips parted, but before she could say her answer, I said, "Wait, let me guess: Anythin' with apples?"

I looked down at her and she was already staring at me. Her cheeks tickled pink as she turned away; I was right.

Changing the subject, she asked, "Would you like to eat at this chicken place?"
She pointed at the restaurant directly ahead.
"Their speciality is orange chicken, have you ever tried that?"

"I sometimes eat it at school, it's okay."

"I recommend you try some from here, it might be different."

Just after she said that, I began developing a sudden craving for it and agreed with her recommendation; she would get a karaage bowl. After ordering, we sat down at a nearby table and waited for it to be delivered. In the meantime, she looked through the videos she had taken on her phone.

There was a delicate grin on her face the entire time, but for some strange reason, it felt different to her expressions at the arcade. For a split second, we inadvertently locked eyes before she broke contact. That was all I needed to sense something was off.

She returned to me with the same smile I was familiar with. A smile that had all of her energy on display, but joyfulness was no longer present in her eyes. I knew what she had been doing, because I was doing the same thing – masking darkness behind light.

I said, "Y'know, it takes more facial muscles to smile than to frown, which means it's harder to keep up for a long period of time."

Her true self was finally showing, with a sunken smile and faster blinking.

"You're probably questionin' your worth, aren't you? Thinkin' the entire world is goin' to cave in if you allow yourself to have this much fun. Those thoughts are runnin' in your head, right?"

She lowered her head, and the movement of her arms led me to believe she was fidgeting with her fingers underneath the table.
"You're…You're correct about that. I'm…sorry."
Her voice was as quiet as a mouse.

"That's alright, I should be sorry too, because I've also been doin' that. I know that feelin' too well."

Her head was still down and I found myself staring at her phone screen – paused at some point during our outing – as we ping-ponged the conversation.

She said, "I mentally clocked out for some time during the transitional period between my mother's funeral and moving into the orphanage."

"It's hard to adjust to a new life without adult guidance. It gets lonely without them, or any relatives, which makes it easy to become disassociated with everyone around you. Bein' alone grows a burden on your shoulders."

"Precisely," she said, slightly raising her head. "It gets heavier when more people are around, and I feel like if I get careless by having fun, then that burden would fall onto them as well. I would become genuinely happy, but then my thoughts would question if I deserved it, and that happiness turns dark."

"And you don't want people to see that, or else they spend their time concernin' about you, and that just makes you feel worse, so you force yourself to be happy."

Her voice became a bit scratchy when she muttered, "Wow…" so she put her hand against her mouth and cleared her throat.
"The only person I somewhat opened up to about this was Shizuko-sensei. Oh, and also his wife, since she's my doctor as well. I'm not accustomed to someone who completely understands me, so I instinctively masked myself. Th-That's not to say I wasn't happy though!"

She finally looked up at me and I looked into the windows of her soul.

"I know, I know," I reassured her. "Just know that you don't have to do that with me."

"Very well then, I will, but only if you agree to follow your own advice and not do that with me, okay?"
At the edge of her table, she was twiddling her little index fingers.

"Fine by me," I said. "It's like what you said at CLARIS, bein' similar is actually better than unique – at least for us."

We had nothing else left to say, and simply concluded the conversation with unfeigned smiles. She propped her phone against her purse to record when her food arrived, and I thought back to what Dr. Shizuko said about seeing with my other senses.

Oh boy… I thought as I, with little confidence, extended a wobbled arm with my palm up to her hand.

I didn't touch her, but one glance at each other told her what I was asking for. Without question, she planted her hand onto mine, and I closed my fingers around it. A warmth that was freshly new was building from her palm, and flowed to her fingertips.

If I held her hand at any earlier point, it would've probably felt cold. She gave me a fake smile to see, but the words I heard and the warmth I'm feelin' are her true emotions. I understand her slightly more now.

I released her hand and returned my arm to my side. To lighten the mood, I was going to ask her more about RONDselia, but then our food arrived. My orange chicken was placed before me, and she had gotten her bowl.

We put our hands together and said, "Itadakimasu."

I picked up my chopsticks and grabbed a piece of chicken. As I took the first bite, the taste and smell pierced through my taste buds and nostrils straight to my head.

I had unlocked a memory.