A Girl Who's Fizzled

The train grumbled like a snoring geriatric patient. It was late in the evening, so the passengers were sparse. I sat on the same side I usually did, watching the same scenery I usually watched — except today, an ambient gloom replaced the summer heat haze. Sunshine played peek-a-boo behind light clouds, which annoyed me. At least there was no sign of impending rain.

For once, I didn’t have the urge to browse the internet. Each glance at my phone induced anxiousness, which had started a few days ago but grew as time passed. I turned on the screen to check for any messages.

No notifications.

I sighed through my nose and furiously tapped my leg. Alongside my lingering emptiness was a jittering anticipation.

This is weird, right?

Should I be worried?

Why haven’t I called her?

Thoughts began to crowd my head, until I finally gave in and opened my texts. Why, you might ask?

The last time I heard from Seri was three days ago.

At first, I wasn’t concerned – she said she needed a nap after our first midterm, and then she didn’t show up to the gym. I assumed she forgot, so I didn’t say anything… but since I waited so long, it felt awkward to reach out now.

But today was when my concerns overcame my insecurities. Seri, the kind of keener who comes ten minutes early to talk to the professor, had skipped class this morning. Something was up.

I stared at my phone and typed a message. Then deleted it. Then typed another one. Then deleted it. I grabbed and squeezed my neck in frustration.

“Ugggh…”

What if she just needs space?
Would this be creepy?

…whatever.

An incredible catharsis as I sent the text.

“Hey,” it read. “Are you okay?”

Now that I was on a roll, I fought the overwhelming urge to keep texting my thoughts.

Why weren’t you at class today?

I didn’t see you at the gym lol

Want to meet up?

There were so many things I wanted to say. Things that I would’ve said if I was younger… but experience dictated that it was better to text less than what I really wanted to say. I didn’t want to come off as creepy.

Ding.

Seri replied. “Yea lol, what’s up?”

I grew warm. I was nervous, but it was my greenlight to go ahead.

“didn’t see u at class today, r u feeling ok?”

“Yup. i just slept in lol”

I squinted at her text and rubbed the back of my neck. Residual heat remained from when I grabbed it earlier. I worried if she was lying to me out of texting etiquette. Or perhaps she was honest about being fine?

…aaagh! I hate texting.

It was time to play my trump card. I utilised one of my primary social assets – occasional assertiveness. My old friends would hate this coming out of nowhere, but knowing Seri, I figured she would respond positively.

So I hit the call button.

“Ah! W-what’s up?” Seri stammered. She put on her usual energetic tone, but I caught a hint of vocal fry, like she had just woken up.

“Were you sleeping just now?”

“N-no… I was just lying in bed.”

I was taken aback. According to her schedule, this should’ve been her evening review time.

“Did you study today?” I asked.

“A little… I looked over the slides. Oh, could you send me your notes?”

“Yeah. I’m just surprised I didn’t see you today. You’re usually so motivated about school.”

“Haha…” she laughed meekly. Hearing her like this hurt me a little. “Yeah, I’m just feeling under the weather.”

“Sick?” I asked.

“No… maybe it’s burnout? I’ve never studied this hard before.”

Ah. Right. I learn something new about her everyday.

It made sense to me. After all, the reason Seri asked me to join her bucket list was because she found it hard to stay disciplined by herself. She probably expended all her willpower by our midterm, and then crashed afterwards.

“You wanna call and study later?” I suggested. Part of me felt responsible.

“Mmm… not really in the mood for it today. Our second midterm is in a week anyways.””

“…”

Yeah, this really wasn’t like her. I sat still and racked my brains to the white noise coming through the phone.

Then I thought of something.

“Cheeseburger?” I asked.

“…huh?”

“Wanna grab a cheeseburger? I’ll pay, since you’re feeling down.”

“Noo, it’s fine. I don’t want you to drive all the way from home.”

“I’m not home right now.”

“What? Where are you?”

The train came to a stop. For the first time this week, I broke the monotony of my daily routine by hopping off one station earlier than I usually did. As train doors closed behind me, clouds parted in the sky to reveal the beginning of the sun’s descent.

“I’m walking to your place right now,” I replied.

~~~

“I can’t believe you came all the way over here…” Seri said incredulously. She stood in the doorway, her pyjamas beautifully dyed by the sunset behind me. Freshly sprayed peach mist wafted from the inside of her house. It reminded me of the spray that my mom used on hot summer days.

“It’s nothing,” I said. “I needed some cardio anyways.”

“To cancel out the cheeseburger?”

“Pick one.” I extended both arms towards Seri, each with a cheeseburger in hand. She stared at them wide-eyed, open-mouthed, and practically salivating. I started counting down. “Five… four…”

Seri snapped out of her trance and frantically grabbed a cheeseburger. “Thanks so much! You didn’t have to…”

“It’s fine. You wanna take a walk and talk for a bit? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

She flashed her usual grin. It felt like I witnessed a spark for the first time after her burnout. “For sure, Sunny. It’s been a few days since I went outside.”

“…did you just say days?” I was stunned.

“Mom! I’m heading out!”

A chorus of girls responded.

“See you, honey!”

“Is it a boy?”

“It’s the boy!”

“Oooh!!”

Seri scrambled out the door, and slammed it shut with her feet half inside her shoes. Now that I got a better look at her, it wasn’t just the sunset that reddened her face.

“…ignore them,” Seri panted. “My sisters are like this with all my friends. They’re just old and single.”

I laughed. “That sounds rowdy. What’s the age gap like?”

“Five and eight years older. I’m the baby.”

“How’d they feel about you lying in bed for three days?”

“…I’m baby,” Seri declared with her mouth stuffed. Half the cheeseburger was gone already, before I had even unwrapped mine. I could hardly tell this same girl just came out of hibernation.

“Why were you in bed for half the week?” I continued asking. “I’ve been-”

Seri shushed me with a finger as she continued to wolf down her meal. “Hhgeepy.”

My heart dropped. Was I being creepy?

She happily gulped down the cheesy bolus she’d been chewing. “Ahhhh! Sleepy! I was just really sleepy.”

I sighed in relief. “Is that all?”

“Well… kind of. After our exam I just laid down and haven’t wanted to get up since.” Seri’s eyes slightly drooped. If the object of her gaze wasn’t a half-eaten burger, her expression would’ve made me sad too.

“Mm. Sounds like a dopamine crash,” I said before biting into my own burger.

She faked a bad British accent, and held up her cheeseburger as if it were Hamlet holding the jester’s skull. “P’rhaps. Mine mental’s tanking, and I knoweth not why.”

“Especially since thou wast so motivated before.”

“Yeah!” Seri exclaimed. “It’s so weird, like I thought that I’d be more motivated during exam season, but now I just can’t study anymore.”

I stopped eating for a moment. A pang of guilt had emerged with my last swallow. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Would it make you feel better if I did the bucket- ow!”

Seri had slapped my shoulder so hard that a slice of pickle slipped out of my cheeseburger. She gently bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brows at me.

“Don’t. I’d feel worse if you agreed out of obligation,” she said.

I searched my head for an idea – compromise that she might be satisfied with.

“Well, how about we make a study plan?” I asked. “Something chill. It won’t be as intense as yours, but it’ll get you back on track until you feel better. We could grab coffee tomorrow or…”

Seri’s expression slowly softened. I couldn’t tell if her dazzling eyes were due to teary irises or the dusk’s glare. Her sun-warmed cheeks curled her lips into a gentle smile.

“It’s alright. I feel better already.”