5 - Con Prep (anxiety edition!)

Fast forward to the day of the con: I stared at the dress hanging neatly behind my bedroom door. The dress stared back.

Yes, what my dear childhood friend gifted me was a dress: a poofy, dramatic cosplay dress belonging to Princess Marguerite, a character from a shoujo comedy series I quite enjoyed as of late. The dress was very well-made, and definitely had the elegance levels at maximum value that'd perfectly fit a princess. But me? How'd I carry this gigantic dress? Both physically and in vibes?

When Mayu revealed the dress, I was ultra happy and excited—I guess it could be said that I had gotten a bit carried away because of our conversation prior to it. I had immediately put it on and marvelled at how pretty I looked. Even without the wig, I already was somehow able to portray her gorgeous yet cheeky personality. We had even done a quick makeup test with the stuff in Mayu's handbag and some random testers I had received with my past skincare orders.

She had asked me if I'd be nervous wearing the dress publicly, and I had joked that rather than wearing the dress, I was more concerned if I could rule over the folk as naturally as the Princess would, making Mayu laugh very happily. I could see how proud she was with the twinkle in her eyes—inside my own, too. The reflection on the mirror was of a very happy man, enjoying his hobbies to the fullest. I had even ordered a wig right away, the following day. Mayu had hesitated in picking one, citing that my knowledge in the character herself would end up in a healthier pick. Everything was perfect and ready to go, except—

For some reason, now that the day itself had arrived, I was sitting on my bed with the most worry-induced tummy ache known to man. I didn't even understand the reason, I was nothing but excited right until the final date! I was ready to enjoy the con to the fullest, in my beautiful cosplay, too! Wasn't it my dream and ambition to be as confident and cool like the cosplayers I had seen around, attending various events? So what was this about? Honestly, if it were just my own idea, I would have just skipped on the cosplay part for now. But… this was my dear friend's gift, and I had shown great enthusiasm in front of her, so it'd be totally awful and uncalled-for to back away now!

After thinking about it for a while longer, I got up from my bed. I had to pull myself together, one way or another. First step: I had my cosplay makeup to handle.

It felt so… foreign to have to drag my feet to the bathroom, to my sacred, safe space. I didn't even know the reason for my sudden nervousness, so as I gathered my makeup items, I tried to get to the root cause of it.

One part of my heart rate going high could be explained as excitement for the event, yes. I had been looking forward to it all these months, after all. But my feelings felt more… Negative than that. So, was it about the cosplay, after all? Was it the fact that it was a 'girl's cosplay'?

I let my hands do their work on my skin. I was a bit surprised at how much of a natural I was at this, despite never doing cosplay (or daily life makeup!) myself. I figured me watching 'get ready with me!' videos rather frequently had some sort of skill boosting effect. Going back to the main topic… There were many people who did cosplay of the opposite gender, and I never ever had any issues with it. So it wasn't that.

I tilted my head facing the mirror, inspecting my reflection from various angles.

Heck, I'd even say I felt confident in my looks. All those years of being called that I looked like a girl had certainly paid off here. I put on the green contacts and voila–the face of a beautiful princess was reflecting on my mirror.

I reckoned it'd be better to put on the wig after I had gotten myself in the dress, so my eagerness and curiosity to see myself in the wig actually cancelled out my nervousness for a few moments. Only when I got my hands on the costume, did I get hit with that feeling of impending doom once again.

Really, what the hell was this about?! It's not like I had any bad memories attached to neither the dress nor the character herself or the first time I had put it on. Quite the contrary, Mayu had even said something so encouraging when I questioned whether love would find me someday as we did the first cosplay test.

"Oh, love? That's going to find you whether you are looking for it or not. You're such a charming person, no way someone isn't going to drop their entire braincells seeing you."

Remembering that, I felt like no matter what, I should stay true to myself and enjoy my day. Yes, I was already plenty charming, and enjoying my life to the fullest would just make me more attractive in the eyes of people. Someone who followed their passions without any hesitation—how cool was that? It's what the Princess would want for me, too.

I let my hands run over the fabric. It was very high quality, and feeling the soft texture made me smile. What was I so depressed about? I was already plenty loved. My friends (and even the ever-cool Oonishi-san!) supported me no matter what I decided to pursue in my life. Plus, damn, it's not like anyone would know it's Yuuma Matsushima that was attending the event! This was the perfect opportunity to dress up and become a Princess whom I admired oh-so-much.

Thinking about my utmost respect to the tailor, I carefully got myself into the beautiful gown. I spun around gently and let myself enjoy the gentle spinning motion to the poofy skirt. Once the accessories and the wig found their right spots on the canvas that was my body, the look was complete!

Goodbye, Yuuma. Hello, Marguerite!

As I was carefully fixing up the curls of the sky-blue wig, my phone rang with the alarm I had set just in case I was lost in time. And so was I! Were all my items ready…?

I checked my little bag to see if all my belongings were with me, and I stood in front of the mirror to quickly snap a picture. I hastily struck a pose that Marguerite did at her official artworks, and shared with my friend group and Umi-san (who had great interest to see my cosplay once she learned it was of a female character). I got slightly nervous again, since I had no time to check their responses. What would they think? Was I really beautiful or was it just my bias towards the character…?

Either way, I had no time to ponder on it.

I left my apartment, and my heart almost stopped when I heard a young voice behind me say "Princess! Mommy, look—it's a princess!!!"

I blinked a few times and quickly decided on what to do before turning to face my cute little neighbor. I'd frequently play with her and even bring her little snacks on my way home. She was a fan of shoujo series and magical girls and all that, though there was no way she'd recognize Princess Marguerite, as it was aimed at an older demographic. Taking advantage of her naivety, I put on my highest voice and chirped, "A princess? Where? Oh, right here…!" and gently petted her hair, causing her to giggle proudly. "Hehehe~ I'm a princess, true! Yay!!"

Of course, her mom had immediately recognized it was me, so she gently smiled at me and wished me fun at the con. "There were so many youngsters dressed up, Kokoro-chan was very thrilled. She even recognized some!"

I nodded, as expected from a smart girl like Kokoro-chan—she was very observant! Yet, she had failed to make the connection that it was me in the costume. I did a polite, royalty-like curtsy and got on my way. I heard her voice asking her mom, "Mommy, does Matsushima-san live with a princess? Isn't that so cool?"

I softly chuckled. Man, I too would be extremely thrilled if an entire princess came out from my neighbors apartment when I was a young boy…

It was true that I was a bit worried how the road to the con would go, but my neighbor was right that there were many people at the bus stop who were in full cosplay. It'd be a total lie if I claimed that my heart wasn't exploding at the fact that so many characters I recognized were all around me! I couldn't wait until I reached the con itself…!

Once I got on the bus, I wanted to take out my phone and see my friends' replies, but due to the crowd, I couldn't move at all. There were many people who had cosplays that took a lot of space… Well, me included. Thankfully, I happened to live very close to the con, so our journey was a quick one.

I stepped down from the bus and held my breath. Now this was the real deal! My first con in full cosplay…!