Doubt

I wasn't enough. They say teaching someone else is the best way to learn but frankly, I just trusted the books to provide the answers for me, arrogantly assuming that I would be good enough at Magranpolian to answer all the questions correctly, yet, when faced with complex grammatical queries or obscure vocabulary, I was stumped. The test was tomorrow and I didn't know any of it! I had focussed so much on helping Gika that I completely neglected to do any studying of my own. Now, if me failing meant Gika would succeed, normally that would be fine. While of course it was best for both of us to become Uomo Universale, really just one of us would be needed to find out the truth behind the Municipio. However, I had made a promise. I would dance with her at the introductory ball, we had taken the time out of our learning schedule to make clothes and everything… I couldn't disappoint her. I decided that I would spend the night cramming as much as I could, pulling an all-nighter then going to buy coffee beans tomorrow morning, an extremely expensive and exotic product within Magranpoli but, if I could get a caffeine shot before the test, I'd probably be able to stave off most of the negative consequences of staying up all night, if only temporarily. Perhaps that way I could-

My thoughts were interrupted by my father shouting from deeper within the house:

"Gika is here!"

This was the worst possible event that could occur at this moment. Why was she here so late? Normally I would have loved having her over, but right now? I could not show her that I was having any problems. If she realized what had happened, she might feel at least partially responsible for my mistake, and I could not allow that. I closed my books and quickly put them back on the bookshelf before composing myself and making my way to the living room, where Gika was waiting.

"Hello!" I said, "I know we saw each other last about eight hours ago, but it's still nice to see you again."

Gika giggled a little before turning her gaze to my father, breathing in while closing her eyes, then saying:

"Hello to you too."

My father's face turned to surprise.

"She can speak Magranpolian? I did not know that!" He said.

"Yes, it's… new." Gika replied.

I think for the first time in my life, my father laughed. It was a thick, hardy laugh, from deep inside his body.

"Well then why didn't you say you could when you came in? It's just awkward for me if I have to figure out what you're babbling about, you know?"

"I'm… sorry, sir."

"Don't worry about it! Just tell people next time!"

"Yes, of course."

"Anyways, you two surely have a lot of stuff to talk about like always, so I will leave you alone!"

He stood up and, as promised, left the room.

"So, Gika, why are you here? I- I like that you are, but for what reason?"

"I wanted to check if you were well." She said.

"Of course I am, but thank you for asking!"

"Have you studied enough?"

"Yes, of course I have."

Gika carefully observed my face.

"I rukha tisonigu!"

"You have said that to me before, right? What does it mean? Something about my eyes right?"

"Gu means to say. Soni means truth. Ti makes it the opposite."

"'Your eyes are speaking lies?' Something like that?"

"Yes. Your eyes are lying. It means you are not who you say you are, that your face is a lie."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you haven't studied, but you pretend to be the kind of person who has or doesn't need to."

"I didn't know you were so good at reading people."

"I had to, because I couldn't speak or hear the language well."

"Every day I learn something new about you, that's one of the things I love about you."

"That's not what we were talking about, don't change it."

I had no reply to that, just uncomfortable nothing.

"Why are you lying?" Gika asked.

"Because I don't want you to think that this was in any way your fault."

"Really?" Gika said, looking at me with a strict gaze.

That question hit a nerve. Did I really do it for her? A doubt had festered in my mind ever since I came up with this reasoning. It felt… slapped together, thought of after the fact, an altruistic justification for my actions.

"I lied because I was afraid of getting embarrassed and not living up to your expectations, I'm sorry."

Gika stretched out her index finger towards me.

"You are an idiot too!" She proclaimed, "you're stupid."

She made her way towards my room, specifically the bookshelf that stood there, then took out the books I had sloppily put back into it just minutes ago. She put them on my desk and sat down.

"Sit!" She commanded.

"What are you planning?"

"You taught me, right? So I'll teach you now!"

"No, really, that's too mu-"

"Do you want to not ever be embarrassed? Is this embarrassing to you?"

I fell silent for a moment.

"Yes," I said, "it is. I want- I want to be perfect."

"Perfect for who? Because guess what, you can't be perfect for everyone!"

For who? That question was strangely… familiar.

The final memories of my past life I had pondered this same question. Had you asked me before, I guess I would have said 'for my parents', though why being perfect in their eyes was important to me I could not articulate. It just seemed like an obvious, easy answer. But now I had someone else who I wanted to be perfect for.

"For you, Gika, I want to be perfect for you…"

"Then you're just being an idiot!"

"What do you mean?"

"Test or no test, gifted genius or stupid idiot, in my eyes, you're perfect either way!."