A Mere Desire

Kritvik Bhatt

The sky had turned really gray, man—and that too in just a couple of hours. The school building stood in darkness beneath the gray sky. It seemed like it was gonna rain soon, maybe.

The white clock in front of the white wall had its shorter needle between one and two and the larger one at six.

Triiing! Triiing! The bell rang.

The silent classroom filled with some sleeping with their heads on their desks and some still vigorously writing their papers suddenly started to move after the bell. The people who were sleeping turned their heads up, some stretched their arms, and the male teacher—in a white shirt and dark brown pair of pants—suddenly moved his butt and hands off from the teacher’s desk and walked to the first guy. He took up his answer sheet, then from the one behind him, and continued to collect the answer sheets. “I hope everyone’s got their sheets stapled,” He announced as he continued the sheet-snatching process, for some reason.

I smiled as I moved my pen off my answer sheet. The teacher suddenly walked to me as I flipped it close and raised it at him. “Just in time, Kritvik.”

“Yes, sir,” I shyly replied as he moved on to the guy behind me. I then turned my head leftward toward the windows of the classroom, which were a row away from me, for some reason. I glared toward the sky as sir went past me to the front of the next row to collect the sheets. “Damn, man. Looks like it’s gonna rain, maybe,” I thought.

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Sir was still walking here and there, collecting answer sheets from everyone, for some reason. Then, suddenly, from the back right corner of the room, he snatched the last sheet and then turned to us. “Okay! You all may leave now!”

Everyone stood up at once and the talks erupted, obviously, as sir navigated his way from between the students to the teachers’ desk at the left front. People started walking out toward the corridor, which, by then, was already filled with more students chatting and walking with their bags on their backs and their question papers in their hands. Some girls around me were discussing the question paper while some boys were laughing hard, for some reason, as I turned right from the front of the blackboard toward the door.

Everybody’s bags were kept in front of the blackboard, for some reason. As I walked from their side toward the edge, I bent down once, took up my black bag, and continued to simply walk out. I turned my head to my bag, opened its zip, stuffed my pouch with all the stationery in it and the question paper, and then closed its zip. I then hung it on my right shoulder as I walked into the gloomily cheerful corridor and turned left, just like everyone.

I moved my hands in my pockets as I walked with my face neutral, for some reason.

“Damn, man. It was a good one, for some reason. Maybe I’d need some more practice before the board exams, especially in the seventh chapter. Trigonometry was, for some reason, really easy this time.”

I turned my head rightward, looking at the lane of windows attached to each other on the wall. I looked at the gray clouds covering the sky completely. “Man, it was not… this cloudy in the morning, obviously.”

I then turned my head frontward again as I slowly walked in between that crowd of people, all maintaining a gap of just one hand with each other, for some reason.

“Next is English, huh? That’d be easy, man. After all, it’s just reading stuff and learning formats for letters.”

The corridor was filled with indistinct chatter and echoing footsteps as we all approached the staircase some steps away from me now. There were also others who were walking in from the other side of the staircase, obviously, so it was really overcrowded.

I frowned as I looked at others walking in toward the staircase from the other side. “Damn, man. There’s just so many—” My eyes widened, for some reason, as I continued to be pushed frontward by others.

Sana was walking in from the other side… with Daksh on her right, obviously. Both of them were laughing and stuff, for some reason.

I just continued to glare at them as my eyes went back to normal, man. I then turned my head downward as I turned to the left toward the staircase along with the crowd.

As I walked toward the depths of the dark staircase, I thought, “Obviously, man. She’s nothing more to me than just a friend, after all. And, no doubt, she sees me that way. She doesn’t… see me like I see her, for some reason.”

I took in a deep breath, for some reason, opened my lips, and then exhaled it out. I then closed my mouth and turned my head backward.

I had been halfway through the staircase when they had just stepped into the staircase in front of my eyes. They were still laughing damn hard. Sana’s lips then moved. Then did Daksh’s. Then both of them laughed some more, closing their eyes. Daksh then turned to the question paper in his hands, pointed at a question, and Sana turned her head toward it.

I then turned my head frontward. “I don’t really think I’d be able to see this stuff, man.”

I walked out of the staircase to another corridor where the students now turned to three different ways, for some reason. That corridor had no walls and just railings, since it had a garden on one side, for some reason.

I turned my head right and continued to walk. There were only a couple students in the corridor, for some reason. I continued to walk on the open corridor with rooms on my right and the garden on my left. I then turned rightward toward another corridor which had more rooms on both the sides, but still had access to the sunlight somehow.

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. I hastily walked toward the end of the corridor, where stood another staircase to the outside of the school building. I didn’t turn my head behind me. I showed no emotions on my face too, for some reason. Maybe I seemed a little anxious, but that’s it.

I stepped on the staircase which threw out the lights to outside. On the other side of the corridor was this pathway filled with some pots of shrubs and stuff on the left, obviously, along with a line of wet soil with little saplings behind them. On the right, obviously, was the school building itself.

I had to slow down on the staircase, though, since there were a bunch of guys who were laughing and talking as they walked.

“Why the hell do you wanna go Manali, dude?”

“To fuck your mom, asshole!”

“Ahahahhaa!” Everyone burst into laughter.

“To have some fun, obviously. Why else do you travel anyway?”

“I don’t. I hate it.”

“Huh?!” Two-three students said at once.

Every dialogue was by a different guy, for some reason. Everyone contributed to the chat and had laughs.

Just as all of us stepped on the pathway, I quickly overtook them by the right and continued to walk hastily. Suddenly, I thought, “Wait, why am I even… running away from them?” I frowned doubtfully. My legs slowed down and I continued walking at my normal pace.

“Why do I have to act so miserably, man?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I don’t wanna talk with them, man. For some reason, I feel like an outsider. And I don’t wanna feel like an outsider ever again, like I used to do before I met Jiya and others. After them, I’m a changed guy.”

I opened my eyes and turned my head skyward. “I gotta be confident, after all.”

About twenty-thirty steps away, on the other side of the football ground which approached me on my right—right in front of the school building—was the school gate where students walked out. There were also some parents—in casuals, obviously—there to pick up their kids, obviously.

I stepped beside the football ground and continued to walk silently. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp.

After a couple of seconds, for some reason, I decided to turn my head backward. And, just as I twisted my head back, there the two were, obviously. They had just stepped off the staircase. They were discussing a question or some other stuff, maybe. They seemed kinda serious.

I then turned my head frontward the next second.

“K!”

I turned my head leftward and looked at her walking beside me and smiling as she looked toward me.

“Well, how was your exam?”

“Great,” I replied with a smile.

“Well, I don’t really think mine went well, you see,” She turned her head frontward.

“Huh? Why?” I frowned, still smiling beneath it.

“Well, there were some questions I didn’t know the answers to, you see. Like, I got some answers, but I don’t really know if they’re right or not.”

“Man, even if they’re wrong, you still get a couple of marks, obviously.” I turned my head frontward, smiling. “Don’t worry.”

“Easy for you to say, you see,” She turned her head frontward. “Anyway, did you catch the new episode of the Paradise Abyss?”

“Nah. I was preparing for the math exam, man. Obviously.”

“Well, I was busy playing Jenshin with Daksh, you see, and studied the rest of the time. So I too didn’t really get the time to.”

I turned my head rightward, and… and that illusion of hers was gone. “When will I ever stop imagining her, man?” I asked myself as I turned my head frontward.

“I gotta stop thinking about her. I gotta stop thinking about all this stuff, man. It’d make me go nuts, no doubt. I… I have to work on my studies and get good grades so that I can go to a good school next year. After all, the next two years are gonna be really important for my career.”

I turned my head downward, for some reason, and I suddenly remembered the face of Aaryan as he looked toward me with his narrowed eyes.

“Why are people leaving me one after another, man?” I turned my head frontward again. “First, it was Jiya, then it was Aaryan, and now… and now it’s Sana, for some reason. Why do people keep on leaving me because of something or the other?”

I turned my head downward again.

“Change is the flow of life, after all. But, in just three-four months, I’ve… I’ve just been losing stuff, for some reason. After some months, I’d be off to a different school, obviously, and then I’d be leaving a couple people I know here behind again.”

I gulped in.

“Change is really the flow of life, huh? Things are moving so quickly all of a sudden. Is this… what growing up means? Just losing stuff and getting depressed over it?”

My eyes were filled with tears, and were about to leak anytime soon.

“I just want some stability in my life, man. I just want some stable friendships and relationships. I don’t wanna be with girls. They break my heart. I don’t wanna be with people who cuss again. They’re bullies, after all. I wanna… I wanna be with people like me. I wanna be with people who are good… who are emotional… and who are just like me. Is it wrong to ask for stuff like that? It’s… just a mere desire of mine. What’s wrong with it, huh? If it’s not, then… then why am I not getting what I wanted? What do I gotta do, after all, to get what I want?”

I then turned my head frontward. The school gate was just some steps away from me by then.

“I gotta stop thinking about all this stuff, man.”

Suddenly, a drop fell down on my right shoulder. Then, for some reason, some more started to fall down. New drops emerged on the cemented pathway, for some reason, as it suddenly started to drizzle.

I moved my right hand up and covered my forehead and eyes. “Not now, man. Not now. Please…”