Broken Strings

Kazuki couldn’t stop thinking about Renka and their next meeting. Finding out that they were accepted into the festival invigorated him, his heart and mind racing every time he thought about getting up on stage with her to sing their song. What kind of song would they be able to come up with together? Something that elicited feelings of warmth and happiness, of wind in the trees and sunshine reflecting off cool spring water, flowing through the valleys? Of bittersweet memories, the pattering of rain on tin roofs, the soft crunch of snow underfoot? He wanted nothing more than to hear Renka singing, about anything, as long as it came from her heart as he played his guitar, shining in the stage lights, entrancing the audience with her beautiful voice and even more beautiful smile.

Her smile. The thought of her expression when she found out about their acceptance into the festival made his chest tighten. The way her lips turned up, the rosy tint of her cheeks, the brightness in her eyes. His stomach turned over at the image in his mind. He enjoyed being around Renka, and after spending her birthday with her and seeing the pure joy and excitement on her face, the heartfelt tears in her eyes, tears that he shared, he knew that he viewed her as… something more than just a creative partner or friend. He had feelings for her; he cared for her deeply, for her dreams, her ambitions, her happiness. He wanted nothing more than to bask in the glory of her experiencing every well-deserved moment of bliss in her life.

He felt a pang in his chest the more he thought about it. He worried about expressing his feelings to her in any meaningful way. Not only was there the fear of rejection, but also the thought that these emotions might get in the way of them accomplishing their goals. If she didn’t feel the same way, then it might hinder her creativity and make her feel anxious working with him. He didn’t want something like that to happen, but he wondered just how long he could hold onto the feelings that stirred inside him without saying something. Would it be more painful to let them simmer, eventually boiling over until they were nearly unbearable, or would it be better to tell her right away, potentially ruining their friendship, facing a rejection, but at least knowing how she felt in return without having to wonder anymore? Meeting with her at least a few more times would probably help him make his decision, and he tried to think of ways to ask her to spend time together outside of working on music.

He wanted to know more about the things outside of songwriting that she enjoyed. While it was something he too found great pleasure in pursuing, he still hoped that she had other strong passions. After their outing in Nikko and their conversations about Akkeshi and Yoshino, she at least enjoyed nature and its beauty, finding inspiration in it much like he did. What else was there that she smiled at? That made her laugh or left her yearning for more? Should he just ask her directly? But would she think he was asking her out on a date if he mentioned something about it later on down the line? Then again, he would be asking her out on a date at that point…

“Magaribuchi-san­!” His coworker’s voice snapped him out of his daze and back to reality. “Can you tell me the code for this prescription, please?”

“Yes, right away, sorry.” He apologized, pushing the thoughts raging in his mind away. He would have to worry about that later and focus on the here and now. It would be helpful to keep his mind off things if he focused more intently on his work as well. Just keep a calm, clear mind.

The rest of the workday passed without any interesting events to break up the tedium, but Kazuki didn’t mind for once. The constant work kept him engaged and let his mind rest from the myriad thoughts swirling through it. As soon as he left the office, though, he became immediately aware of how powerfully his heart beat, how his thoughts dwelt on Renka’s bright expression and sparkling brown eyes.

There was no way he could keep these feelings pent up for very long without saying something to her. He needed to voice it, or it would consume him entirely, and he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else. The next time he saw Renka, he would definitely tell her how he felt. He came to this conclusion as he rounded the corner to his apartment building. He made his way up the stairs and to his door, but something was not right.

The moment he laid eyes on the door, he knew. A feeling of dread washed over him, erasing even the faintest hint of any of his happier emotions earlier. The door rested ajar, the crack between its edge and the doorframe like the mouth of an alligator resting open ever so slightly, waiting for the right moment to strike its prey. Panic rose in his chest. Should he even go inside? What if he somehow hadn’t closed the door all the way? But, he always closed and locked the door whenever he left. It was a habit he was told was a necessity in the big city. Seeing the door open now made him wonder if it even mattered.

He took out his phone, ready to call the police as he pushed the door open the rest of the way and walked inside. The small apartment was a mess, papers and clothes strewn about the floor and across the furniture as if a small typhoon had blasted its way through while he worked. Luckily, he had brought his laptop with him to work, something he was now very glad of as he noticed the small TV was gone along with a few other small electronics. Whoever had been here grabbed what they could find of value and left.

His stomach lurched at the sight of his bedroom. It looked similar to the living room, but that wasn’t what made him sick. Tears welled in his eyes as he witnessed the sight of his beloved guitar shattered against the floor, splinters scattered like fallen leaves across the room. The neck of the guitar had been snapped, and the body faired no better, fractured into multiple fragments. The only thing holding any of it together was the beautiful strap that Renka had given him. For someone to break his guitar like this, something so precious, and even for a thief, something worth money, he couldn’t help but feel like this was some kind of personal attack. He knew it was foolish to think in such a way, but everything felt so awful…

The police arrived shortly after his call, and he filed a report with them, cataloging all the stolen and broken items that he could try to claim on his insurance. He knew the insurance claim would only cover so much of the cost, but at least something would be better than nothing. Regardless, nothing would be able to replace the guitar he had lost, and now he felt just as broken as it was. How could he face Renka like this? But, he couldn’t keep it a secret from her either. She needed to know that he wouldn’t be able to play his guitar for a while.

After the police left, he sent her a message:

‘Hey, can you talk?’

It was rather late, so he didn’t expect a reply from her, but his phone buzzed almost immediately in the telltale triple buzz pattern of a LINE message.

‘Is something wrong? Call me.’ Renka replied.

Kazuki hesitated a moment before calling her. He explained everything that happened, focusing on the fragmented guitar that he had no hope of fixing. He nearly cried as he tried to tell her the details of it all, but she reassured him and managed to help him stay calm.

“We’ll find you a new guitar, don’t worry. There’s still plenty of time before the festival, and we can go look together. Everything will be okay. Please try to get some rest, alright, Kazuki?” Her voice dripped with concern.

“I’ll try.”

He hung up the phone, feeling somewhat better after speaking with her, but losing faith again rather quickly as he looked at the state of his apartment again. He cleaned up what he could, returning his clothes to their closets or drawers and organizing the papers and other items that had been thrown around. It was well after midnight before he managed to lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and silently hoping that he would wake up and this would all be nothing but a nightmare.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.