The Trauma: Part two

It was a very cloudy night. There were many chances of raining, and she was sitting outside crying. I went up to her to ask what happened.

"Senpai, what are you doing out so late? It's very cold too; why don't you have a jacket on?"

I gave her my jacket and sat on the swing beside her.

"I don't know what's happening, Arata-kun. I have been having this dream for some time. I dream sometimes of my dad and when we used to play and enjoy ourselves together. Sometimes I dream of that cursed man."

"I feel like he will come back. But this time not only for me but for everyone."

"I know it's not easy at all, and he is in jail. But that man is evil and gets pleasure when he does evil."

"I am a fool to sit here while thinking about that. Sorry, Arata-kun, I will just head home."

In that moment, I just pulled her away and gave her a hug. My mind was blank at that point, but it was an action from my heart. She was trembling.

"Eh-eh, Arata-kun, what's the matter? I am fine. You don't need to worry that much. It's fine. I promise. It's…" She started to cry. This time with all her heart.

"I am sorry, Arata-kun. I fear that man very much. I don't know what to do from now on."

"Just relax, senpai. I will make sure that man never gets near your house."

She just kept crying and slept over my shoulders. Picked her up and then went to her home.

Senpai, wake up. We are at your house."

"What are you saying? Oh! I am so sorry, Arata-kun; I wasted your time. Oh, sorry for taking your jacket."

"It's okay, senpai; I was just out for a stroll."

She didn't remember the time in the park. Not that it matters, though.

"Take care, senpai. Bye."

"Same to you too, Arata-kun. Also, thanks for lending me a shoulder in the park."

So she remembers it. She blushed when saying that. For some reason, I did as well.

I went home a little late, and dad asked me.

"You are late, Inoue."

"Sorry dad, I met a friend and then we started talking, so I forgot."

"Be careful from now on; night is not always safe."

"I will be careful from now on."

"Now eat another slice and go to sleep. It will help you get a good night's sleep."

I ate another slice, watched a movie with dad, and then just slept on the couch with him.

Things with me and Senpai were getting kind of together. She was opening more and more, and it was clear that she was feeling like a normal person. It felt as if my life was never going to be the same. She also said she wanted to be an editor for a publishing company. Everyone around me had goals. They have things they want to accomplish.

What was my reason to live? What am I striving so much for? Is it to see my parents smile, or is it to leave behind a specific thing for the world? Am I even of any worth?

My life, in any aspect, was nothing but a failure. I never got any good grades to make my parents proud. I never had any friends who deemed me worthy. I never took part in anything that could possibly help me. Never learned anything and just went on. People around me know their stuff. Maybe I should just die.

These thoughts roamed in the back of my mind. Never let these thoughts overrule me. I just kept my demeanour the same and never showed this side of me to anyone. Keeping it inside was a bad thing, though. It was slowly starting to rule over me. Day by day, my suicidal thoughts were even affecting my judgement.

My dad knew my behaviour was changing and decided to have a talk.

"Inoue, will you come here? I want to have a talk.

Come up and just sit on the sofa with him.

"Is there something troubling you, son? I feel like you have been growing distant from us. You are not behaving as usual."

"It's probably your own illusion, dad; I am just fine."

"Is that so? You have been acting strange for the past week."

"I am fine, dad; there is nothing wrong with me."

"Then why are your eyes more dead than ever before?

"What?"

"You are feeling like someone who is nothing but an empty shell. a being living and dead at the same time."

"Inoue, what is the truth?"

There was a long silence before anything The silence was very much a form of anxiety.

"I have been having some thoughts of suicide for some days now, dad. It's getting worse and worse every day."

"What's the reason for those thoughts?"

"I don't know. I can't think straight."

"Do you know I once tried to commit suicide when I was your age?

"Seriously?"

"I was not so good at anything. Everyone around me was doing something they wanted, and meanwhile I was being so angry at myself."

"Days went by, and I was always trying to think of what I wanted to do. Nothing ever went as planned. School always felt like a prison of pain. Everyone hated me. College was feeling like a burden. My parents always fought, and my life was like a hell inside my mind. My parents never thought of listening to me even once and always ruled over me. In the end, I attempted suicide from a two-story building. The only thing I remember from then is seeing your mother shouting for help.

Next, I remember her being by my side in the hospital. I don't know why she was with me then."

"After some time, I was discharged, and she was standing by a tree. I called her, and she then turned to look at me."

"She was the most beautiful sight I ever saw. I asked her why she had always been beside me until now. She said I saved her from a time when she was about to be molested. I couldn't remember her until we met at the café you work at. She said she was always waiting for the right time to propose to me."

"That day she proposed to me. After that, I only strived to live for her and for you. Next time, if the thought ever crosses your mind, remember there are people who will always need you."

"But who needs someone useless like me, dad? I have no good grades, no good qualities, and no understanding of things. It frustrates me a lot."

"No one in this world is born without a reason. You might not find it today, but if you keep looking for it, one day you will find it."

"If I don't? What if I don't find a reason?"

"This time, there is no if. You will find one, and that reason is what you should stick with. The devil loves playing with our minds. So fill your mind with the best of things. This is the one and only life for us. So make the most of it."

Again, a long silence. It made me feel better, and I wanted to become someone I could look up to.

"Want a drink? Dad said.

"Chocolate milk."

"Okay."

But doubts always clouded my mind. They were so many that it almost made my dad's answer a foolish reply. Never let it overrule me now. I knew what I needed to protect, and that's the only thing my body is capable of. Dad's answer made me feel good and important, and I will find my emotions even if it takes me a lifetime.