Instant Regret

It was the 1st of July 2019, and I was ready for the trip to heal our scars. Natsuki's summer vacation had started and she had two months in hand. We didn't want to waste any time.        

Yesterday I visited Natsuki at night. I urged her to talk to her mom to find some information on her dad. I was outside the living room where Natsuki's mom was watching TV. Natsuki went in.

       "Mother, I want to ask you something", Natsuki started. "I won't take much of your time. So if you'd allow me, can I?". A live-action movie of an anime I liked was running in the background.        

Natsuki's mother looked at her with I-don't-want-to-see-you eyes. Natsuki was fine with that. Her mom increased the volume of the TV and focused on the movie instead. Natsuki was pissed. I could feel it. Natsuki stood up and pulled out the plug.

       

 "Mom, answer me. Please. I won't bother you after this", Natsuki sounded pitiful.

       "What is it?", Her mother answered coldly. Natsuki's eyes lit up.       

 "I want to know who my father is. Can you tell me where I can find him?", Natsuki asked, without wasting much time. 

          "I only know his host name, Haruto. You can find him in Kabukichō. Hot Passion", said her mother, not looking at Natsuki.           

"Thank you, mother", said Natsuki and gave her mother a side hug. She stood up and was about to leave when her mother stopped her. "Don't go in search of him. He's trash".

          "I will decide that", Natsuki said and left.  

•••••••••••

         We left her house. We had already packed lunch and snacks. Kabukichō wasn't far but we weren't sure if we'd find her father soon.      

         "My dad's name is Haruto. It's similar to yours", she said as soon as we entered the train. 

       "I heard everything", I informed, "Are you sure we should go see your father after what your mom said?", I said. I was worried about Natsuki. She nodded.      

  We reached Shinjuku and soon Kabukichō. According to what I've heard about it, it was supposed to look scary. I didn't find it scary. I found it lively, rich and crowded. 

        

          "Are you hungry, Natsu-kun?", I asked since it was already late-noon. She shook her head. She was desperate to know her father. If I was Natsuki I wouldn't search for a father who left me for years but that's because I'm not in her situation. 

       We looked and asked around for host clubs. We searched for "Hot Passion" and there was no such host club in Kabukichō. We had to ask every host club we came across for information. Getting information was not for free. Natsuki was denied access to the host club since it was illegal for her. I had to go in alone. I had to summon all my extroverted energy to ask for information.         

      We reached a host club named Luna Host Club. I asked the owner if he knew about a club called "Hot Passion". He told me it changed its name some years ago and was now called Nightingale. He showed us how to reach the club. 

     "You just go right, then left, then right again", was all the owner said. We did just that and we stood outside the club called "Nightingale". I asked Natsuki to wait in a cafe nearby. It looked a bit shady but Natsuki was well versed in self-defense so I didn't have to worry about her.        

 "Excuse me, I want to see Haruto. I heard his services are quite good", I said confidently. I wanted to act like a pro. 

         "Hey, brat. He's your dad's age. You like daddies, huh?", The receptionist laughed. He asked for my ID. After which he treated me with respect.         

  "Haruto-sama, doesn't give any services now. You can choose another one from the board", he informed. At least I know he's in there.

          "I want him. Only him", I said, acting spoiled. The receptionist called Haruto and briefed him about what was going on and according to what I heard. It went well.      

 Soon a boy who was about my age came and led me to the room Haruto was in. I went in and I sat down. I heard a voice from behind the curtain telling me to wait. I did. 

      He came out. Haruto was the definition of beauty. He looked like he was in his 40s. His hair was dark and wavy, light clear brown eyes with long lashes, thin lips and a perfect jawline. I stared at him for a minute straight. He sat next to me. My eyes were still locked with his.     

   "You want to kiss me or something, mister?", said Haruto and I came back to my senses. "No", I said. One look at him and I knew he was Natsuki's father. 

        "The receptionist said you don't give any services now. Why?", I asked, instead of asking what I was there for.       

"I'm the owner of this place, mister", he informed me. Even his voice was mesmerizing. He was captivating. 

        "Want a drink?", He offered, pouring whiskey into a glass. I shook my head.       

  "I don't drink", I told him. 

         "That's a shame. We could've had fun after the drinks", he said, erotically.       

 "I came here to ask you something", I said gulping in. I was nervous. 

        "Sure, sure. Go ahead", he said, taking a sip. Haruto put an arm over my shoulder. I was a bit uncomfortable but I wanted answers.      

      "Do you have any children?", I asked in a straightforward manner. 

       "I must have a lot of bastards", he laughed it off. He stared into my eyes. "Are you one of them?"     

       What had I put myself into? I thought. I want to go home. I told him I wasn't his child.

       "I'm glad you're not my kid", he said with a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure why he did that so I asked him "Why are you glad I'm not your son?",              "Umm… have you seen yourself in the mirror? It'd be such a waste", he said. I still wasn't sure what he meant.    

     "I don't understand what you are trying to say"

      "What I meant to say is that. Would you like to work for me? Don't waste your beauty, kid", said Natsuki's father. I was out of words.          

  "I didn't come here for that", I said in a serious tone. 

       "I don't want to hear what you have to say about a bastard I don't know. Many have come and gone. I'm not interested in them. I'm interested in you. Why do you think I would let you in here? In my personal attending room? And this club is exclusive to women. That's because I saw you at the entrance", he said with a smirk. I stood up.        

 "Natsu-kun… Your child wants to see you… and know you. The least you can do is talk to them", I said. He looked at me with his clear eyes. I felt like I could see his entire soul in his eyes. I broke off the eye contact.

        He smirked again. Is he handsome like you? He asked. I didn't answer.      

  "Okay… I get it, babe. Where is he?", Haruto stood up and put his hand on my shoulder and patted it lightly. 

       Would Natsuki be happy knowing her father has no interest in her? Should I go out and tell her I didn't find him? I didn't want her to meet him. I understood why her mother had said that. This would definitely hurt Natsuki.         "Outside", I said. He put his arm on my shoulder as we went out. When we were out I asked him if he remembers any of his kids.     

   "They all went after their plain boring mothers. If only they had inherited my beauty. I would have definitely fathered them. The ones who came before couldn't even work in my host club for me", he responded. I was annoyed by the way he spoke about his children. When we were out I saw Natsuki sitting in the cafe I had told her to be in. 

       I pointed at her. "That's your daughter over there", I told him. She spotted me.      

  "Darn it. So plain. She looks like a boy", he muttered. I didn't react. I called Natsuki to come over. 

       "So does he know where my dad is?", said Natsuki.     

   "He's…", I started. "I'm your dad. I think", Haruto interrupted. 

       "Really?", Natsuki was delighted.    

    "I don't know though", he said.

    "What is your mother's name, Natsu-kun?", asked her father. I was in no way leaving them alone. I couldn't trust this man at all.  

     "Nanami Nakamura", she informed him. I was sure he'd say something rude to her. 

   

   "Ahh, that bitch. She was a regular. I had her banned after she started catching feelings", he said after thinking for some time. Haruto was heartless. Natsuki and I were speechless. How was he so insensitive?

         "Do you remember telling her that you would've stayed if she gave birth to a son instead?", Natsuki was on the verge of tears.    

    "Did I say that? Come to think of it, I do kind of remember something like that", he laughed it off. He was insulting her and I couldn't stand it. I landed a punch on him.

                 "Fuck off", I screamed and sprinted with Natsuki. "Let's run away", I held her hand as we ran away from his goons.         

"I'm fine, Haruki-san", She said once we had lost sight of them. I regretted what I had done. I shouldn't have let her meet him. 

       "Sorry", I apologized to her as I hugged her. She started crying and I let her soak her tears on my shirt.            I had successfully increased her scars. What am I doing with her? She doesn't deserve me.