Losers

The ringing stopped, yet the follow up declined call sound wasn’t there. Did 'she' answer the call? He peeled his one eye open.

‘Davey,’ a painfully familiar voice punched him right in the gut.

‘You wanted to talk. Here I am.’

‘Finally,’ ‘she’ said with a warmth ‘she’ so often used on him to soften his edges. ‘I’ve been dying to hear your voice again.’

‘Please, get to the point.’

‘Point is, we’re talking again. Doesn’t this feel nice?’

Voice. Online, it was a weapon that was easy to use. Immerse yourself in it, and it was a singular activated sense. Pitch it just right and you could lull whoever you desired. And ‘she’ knew Dave’s buttons.

‘Stop playing.’

‘Right. You must think I’m a horrible person. And you’re not wrong. I did some horrible things, but I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m trying my best to be a better.’

‘Then why did you come to spread rumors about my friends?’

‘Rumors? I merely said the truth.’

‘Oh really? Third party software?’

‘Didn’t you know? Oh well, I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about her.’

He pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘If you’re so sorry, then can you tell me how you wronged me?’

‘I let myself get distracted. Honestly, I had so much going on at the time. You know how I get when overwhelmed,’ ‘she’ clicked her tongue.

‘What did you have going on?’

‘I…’

He drummed his fingers, staring at the screen.

‘I miss you so much,’ ‘she’ said.

‘What did you have going on when you got together with him?’

‘It’s all so muddy, I can’t say, really. Past is past. Please, let’s leave it all behind. Start anew.’

‘Do you comprehend how you made me feel? Do you even want to?’

‘Why are you interrogating me? You’re so hostile… It hurts.’

‘I only want to understand you.’

‘Then let’s be together again. I’m sure we can work through this.’

‘If you can’t apologize properly, I can’t forgive you. I just can’t. It’s dishonest.’

‘Davey! I’m being honest. I swear.’

He said nothing. In the background of his screen, the muted DJ live-stream went offline.

‘If you won’t forgive me, I might die.’

‘And you said you were trying to be a better person. Now you’re using this against me again?’

‘You think I do it because I enjoy it, huh?’

‘Please. Don’t. If you want to do that because of me, then am I the right person for you? We have fought so much, made each other feel awful daily. What kind of love is this? Is it even real?’

‘Will you shut up already?’ a somewhat unfamiliar voice could be heard on her side. Probably ‘her’ mom.

‘I’m sorry…’ ‘she’ said, and the door slammed, leaving her in silence for a moment. ‘She’ whimpered, taking deep breaths in between. ‘Then what am I supposed to do with this feeling inside me?’

‘I don’t know. But you can’t shove this onto me. I have done the best I can to move on and recover. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I really do, despite it all. Despite me wanting to stop. I only wish you didn’t look for the love you lack for yourself in others.’

‘Oh, will you stop with this psychoanalysis? You think you know me? You think it’s so simple? The audacity of you to assume my feelings…’

Every time he closed his eyes, he stood in a deep forest, sensing a storm looming above. The high winds howled, tearing shriveled leaves off the tree branches. Yet amidst it all, a bland flavor of disappointment lingered.

‘Okay. Is there still something you want to say to me?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know…’

‘In that case, it’s goodbye from here on. Please don’t bother my friends and me again. Take care,’ he hesitated before disconnecting.

‘Good…bye,’ ‘she’ said and ended the call.

He took his headphones off and sat still, eyes open, everything blurring, staring into nothingness. An exhale he didn’t recognize left his lungs. As he looked down at his hands, they trembled.

He’d hoped for freedom, that everything would be finally resolved. But his words could have been misunderstood or taken out of context. He couldn’t breathe anymore, just hugged his knees and burrowed face.

‘What if you do it again? What if you do more than that? What if it’s my fault? All because of me and I wouldn’t even know. How can I walk beside her with this?’

***

Perception of drunkenness is relative. That’s what science says.

As Dave mulled over the events of yesterday, he might as well been intoxicated by the erratic sway of the party. Especially when he recalled the actions and words he said to Yuneya. Embarrassment crawled under his skin. To make this even more real, a searing headache and nausea refused to leave him alone.

‘No one decent is applying…’ Emily said as she advertised for a missing DPS. ‘And after all the work with the party.’

‘It actually did really well. Many people want you to host again,’ Sanakyu said.

‘Really? Well, there were a bunch of nice people. Some great players too. Although many in statics. This is hopeless!’

‘Thanks for finalizing yesterday, guys. I’m sorry I couldn’t do my part in the end,’ Dave said.

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You were managing the situation at hand.’

‘Mhm, I have to admit. It was fun. Sometimes it’s good to let a party fizzle out on its own,’ Deilo said.

‘Of course you had a good time. You spent it all with Sana,’ Emily said.

‘Just made sure this tsundere didn’t harass the guests,’ Sanakyu seemed pleased.

‘Ahem. You two…’

‘Anyway, thanks, you both. Regardless of the result, I think we all appreciate the effort,’ Deilo continued.

Was he getting out of his usual way to acknowledge the work they put in? A notification popped up on the chat. It was a badly drawn start with a huge text ‘You tried’ in the middle, sent by Deilo. It was a joke, yet it made Dave somewhat emotional.

‘Wait. Oh my god,’ she held her breath. ‘Mei is applying…’

‘Who’s Mei?’ Sanakyu asked.

‘Mei oh Mei,’ Deilo hummed.

‘She used to be part of our static. Things happened. Then she joined Henser. The assassin that got kicked out,’ Emily said. ‘Should we accept her?’

‘I don’t care.’

‘I don’t have any personal agenda. Go ahead if you’re fine with her,’ Dave said.

‘Saaaame. Let me grab some extra carrots.’

And there she was, yesterday’s esteemed guest, today’s comrade - MeiMei the assassin. After a few hellos, Emily was already coaxing her to join their call, to which, after some back and forth, she gave up and accepted the invitation.

‘Well hello hello,’ Emily said, somewhat grandiose.

‘Hello, losers.’

‘Oh my god! I forgot how adorable you sound!’ and there Emily’s facade broke down as she squeaked.

‘Are we clearing this or what?’ Mei’s voice reminded of Deilo, only a girl.

‘Did they kick you out of static because they realized you’re underage?’ Deilo greeted her ‘warmly’.

‘Shut your fly trap. I’m a seniority to you. I demand respect.’

With a rolling wave of laughter from Deilo, they began clearing the Refinery Palace. Dave could immediately notice why Mei was part of the group before — their communication was smooth. After an hour of Mei’s ‘Fuck this’ and ‘Shit ass’, it also became clear where Emily picked up her vocabulary. In fact, Mei’s foul language had a certain infectiousness, spreading throughout the entire party, until giggles and cheers turned into cussing, paving their path forward.

‘Sorry, I overreacted yesterday,’ Emily said when everyone except Dave left the voice chat.

‘You didn’t. Besides, it was a matter I had to wrap up.’

‘How did it go? Are you okay?’

‘I think I am. I just hope ‘she’ gets better and stops harassing you. I can’t stand it. You don’t deserve that.’

‘Dave… Stuff like that happens. Just know I’m here if you need to talk. Actually. Even if you don’t want to talk, I’m here for you. We can watch a movie. Sit in silence.’