Epilogue | Without Regrets

The white light seems to dim until it remains fixed at a point above me. I look around and everything is white, clean, pure, I don't know where I am. I can barely move, I try to lean forward and see that I am covered by thin white sheets.

“Welcome back, Yoma,” I hear a warm voice say and footsteps sound in the room. “Do you remember me?”

Far back, in a distant memory, I begin to think and remember where I am and what happened, I divert my gaze to the closed window and see a divine blue sky. I look back at him, he has changed, with a beard, wrinkles and he looks fatter, “Yes, I remember you, doctor.”

My voice comes out rough and dry, as if it were not the same as yesterday, it sounds completely different. “Do you remember who you are? And where are you?”

I nod, not really wanting to talk… Everything that happened, did it really happen? What is this… What is happening? I feel my tears falling down my face.

“You are alive, that is important, Mr. Yoma.”

“Am I really?” I say defiantly, “I felt more alive on the other side.”

He sighs, grabs a chair and sits next to me. “We could not see or understand what was really happening, it was all the work of the power of your brain. Of course, technology helped, we believe there is something more… The data we obtain helps us in future research.”

“And why are you telling me this, doctor?” I don't understand his point, what does he want from me? That something more, could it be magic? How can we be sure that magic does not exist in this world?

“Unfortunately, the project is a failure to restore you. Your body will not survive many more years, if I can say a number, maybe it will be ten years, or it may be less.” I see that he struggles to choose the words and adjusts his glasses. “You can choose… between dying in peace, or returning to the unreal game of your brain, permanently.”

“It was not an unreal game.” Don't even think about saying that about my friends, I try to get up and get mad at him. But the pains calm me a bit, “On what basis or certainty can you say that it is not real? I was able to feel love, sadness, anger, have fun, cry, feel the warm air, the smell of the mornings, the icy cold. I could feel caresses and hugs, I could feel a thousand things that I did not feel before. Everything was real, every moment, every second, every instant…”

“But they are data, created from your brain created thanks to technology.”

“And are we not full of data? Small molecules, DNA, atoms, so many unconscious things that make us feel, live and be as we are?”

“But, no—” I put a hand on his, with complete difficulty and indescribable pain.

“Now I remember his smile, I remember my brother.” My tears start to flow again, I notice that the doctor also has red eyes.“Doctor, I do not regret anything. I can feel that they call me, I can feel the life in them, I can hear their souls beating non-stop. They are alive, doctor.”

“I understand,” he nods sadly, unable to comprehend my choice. “It is your decision after all.”

Maybe he would have chosen calm death, the final rest, but he did not live what I did.

I see that he gets up and starts configuring the machine behind me. I feel some anxiety and fear of what awaits me, of going permanently, disappearing from this world. But I feel my heart beating stronger than ever, happy and eager for the adventures it will find.

He nods at me once more and blinks his eyes, I smile remembering everything. “Are you ready?”

I am about to nod, but I remember, I need to know something before, “Just one thing… the boy, did he survive?”

The doctor is silent, the silence takes over the room, did he die, was everything in vain? Will he tell me the truth? “Ah, yes, sorry, many years have passed, I didn't know who you were referring to.” He searches for something in his apron and grabs a kind of transparent technological film where he fiddles until he finds something, showing it to me. “He is completely alive, healthy, with a great space career in his future.”

I can't stop crying with joy, the boy I saved is alive… I did something right in this life, I would have liked to fulfill my other wishes, at least I fulfilled one of four.

“Inochi sent you many letters over many years, he also visited you,” the doctor explains and wipes away his tears and mine. “Maybe somehow I can send them to you, in that world you will live in.”

I start to see everything blurry, I feel my body starting to shut down. I can barely see the doctor, I see the image again and I see the smile of the little boy, from ear to ear, happy and with a future ahead.

My eyes cannot contain the tears, I feel a joy that I cannot express. In the smile, I see my brother's and I remember him again, all the years with him, every moment we enjoyed. I did not treasure it then, but I treasure it now. I cannot be happier and prouder of him.

“Yoma, are you okay?” the doctor asks and shakes me.

I feel that it is time… to choose.

“I will accept your decision, and I will respect it. May your dreams soar to infinity, Yoma.”

“Thank you for everything, doc, tell Inochi that I do not regret it. And tell him, to live his life to the fullest… I guess my honey cookies await me on the other side.”

The doctor nods and says something else, but I don't hear it anymore. I feel the call of adventure, but also the fatigue; my body is shutting down and will not last much longer.

“I know my decision. I want to go with them, they are waiting for me.”

I close my eyes and can see the smiles of all of them, I can hear them, feel them, they are in me. I feel how their souls resonate in mine and they call me to join them once again.