Her Life via Film

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Her very first file was about her parents at the hospital. She had just been born. Her mom was holding her as her dad recorded.

Her mom said, "Hello my little apple bean! I don't know when you'll see these videos, but your father and I wanted to make them in case we don't get to know you for long. Whether it's illness or other causes that separate us, we'll have these to remember the times. These videos are yours to keep. You can do whatever with them and show whoever you want. One of the best things in life is being able to reminisce about the good days without missing them, just remember that you were a part of them."

There were plenty of videos, but I didn't have the time to view them all; Ringomori was going to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.

She had given these videos titles, and I only clicked on the ones that interested me.

First Friend Coming Over!

Her mom was recording her playing in the front yard, backyard, and inside the house with a friend for the first time.

Her mom commented, "Look at you go, my apple bean. It doesn't matter if you have hundreds of friends or just one, as long as you have someone who can give you the chance to experience the joy of turning a stranger into a friend. Vieira Chamaru-kun, I don't know if you'll ever see this, but thank you for being that someone for her. I hope you'll continue to get along with my daughter no matter what."

Joint Birthdays!

It was the first time we celebrated our birthdays together at the pie shop. Our parents met and her mom recorded the entire event. As I rewatched it, I started to vividly remember that day.

It works, I thought. She'll remember with this.

Goodbye, Father.

The day of her dad's funeral, after the ceremony had finished. I remember attending it. It was a small venue, and even then, the seats weren't fully filled.

She had taken the camera from her mom's room and decided to speak a few words while still having tears running down her face, and a runny nose descending on her upper lip. Her words were not meant for my ears, so I closed the video.

There was a string of videos titled, My First Friend Gone: Part, with numbers one through seven. They were about my accident, she was alone in the front yard.

Her mom said, "There she is again. Oh dear, she's probably remembering all the times they picked apples from that tree, or when they danced with that vinyl on repeat in her room[...]Yoru, sometimes I hear you talking to no one, are you thinking he's there with you?[...]Every morning you'll ask me if you can skip school to see him, and then you say when he wakes up you'll bake him the best apple cake he'd ever eaten."

On the screen was her smile. Her signature smile; pearly teeth and open red lips. The one I had seen in my first life, and started seeing a few months ago. That smile that I lost, the one I tried getting back.

Her mom recorded her leaving a Toki apple, matcha tea, and apple cake on the trolley that an orderly would bring to my hospital room. I looked at the date of the video, and it was the day I woke up. I didn't eat any of the gifts she brought me. If only I did.

The next video was her mom recording herself after spending a few hours consoling her daughter.
"She's been bawling her eyes out as much as when her father passed. Vieira-kun was still alive, but she had lost the version of him that remembered her. I'm worried for you apple bean, I'm starting to feel sicker, and I don't know how long you'll hold on for[...]Vieira-kun, I know the chances of you seeing this is unlikely, but if you do see this… Please, take care of my daughter. No. Matter. What."

The videos were a diary. I was seeing parts of her life through the eyes of her mom and herself. The life she lived after my accident had glided past my eyes. The solitary, the gloom, the darkness that surrounded her, I had discovered all she had gone through.

After the video about the passing of her mom, she began to use the camera on her own.
"In memory…of my parents and…fallen light…I have decided to…to record videos to…keep the tradition…alive."

It was her coping mechanism. She showed me her first day in the orphanage, having to sell her home and a few valuable items to pay for her mom's burial. The way she spoke to the camera made me believe she was speaking to her parents, maybe sending them a message that could reach beyond the grave.

I eventually got to the video that talked about my entry to the orphanage.

She said, "My…My light returned! He's actually…here. He doesn't…remember me still…but he's alive and here. What…do I do? I'd have to…restart my friendship with him…because there's nothing I can do to make him remember."
She took a deep breath and clenched her fists.
"I'll…I'll do it! It'll be painful…because the memories will be one-way, but I want to rebuild back to the point where we left off. I want him to be happy…"

My gut felt like it was forcefully twisting around inside my body, shifting my other organs into different positions.
How pathetic am I? I gave up so easily compared to her, but she's been dealin' with stuff like this for years. I was angry at her, thinkin' I had it worse, but it was her who did.

I then found a video about our first peer outing.

Maruyama Park.

It would be the first time she did a voiceover as she used her camera as a sort of POV.

"It's my first time with Vieira-kun, I was nervous when we met at CLARIS, but we talked about apples on the way to the station and I felt at ease. I think he was interested, but I couldn't tell. Ugh, I had the urge to tell him about our previous life, but I was scared. I didn't know how to. I convinced myself it was okay to start over[...]"

She then talked about the part of the video where I sneakily drew her in my landscape drawing and showed the camera. She called me a sly worm.

"He won't remember, but he's acting similar to when we met in elementary school."

RONDselia.

She recorded the moment we entered the arcade, where I discovered that she listened to the same band I did.

"Ah right. He was so shocked I knew about the band, and I wanted to tell him that I was the one who introduced him to them before. I missed my timing, I don't know if there'll ever be a right time to tell him[...]After we left the arcade, I thought about the possibility of trying to make him remember on his own. I led him to the orange chicken place he used to love, but I don't know if he ever remembered. I'll keep trying."

Another video had her saying, "He told me about RONDselia vinyl his friend has. I must be the same one I sold. I wanted to tell him that too, but I want him to figure it out on his own. I think it'll be more meaningful if he did. If I told him now, I fear he'll become angry that I didn't tell him earlier in our new friendship. The window of opportunity was small and I missed it, but I want to make sure he didn't miss his."

That was her reasoning for not telling me about soccer or her home either. She had missed the opportunity and I had proven her fears right.

Apple Apple Park, Apple Harvest Festival, and The Bakery were next.

She recorded the events and included additional commentary about the park. It was like I was watching a promotional video about it. There was also a video about her baking with the bakery's female worker. She had her consent and recorded the process; I hadn't known.

While watching her bake, the female worker asked, "Do ye'have a secret ingredient you add to this apple cake?"

"Yes…I-I do. It is timing. The timing of the batter…the timing of the apples…the timing of everything mattered. The only way to know the perfect timing is by seeing it…but not with your eyes…but with your other senses. Most of all, I see with the feeling of love. I hope this will awaken something in us [Him]."

"You're a weird one."

Reconciliation.

Since she intended to record my reaction to her apple cake, the camera managed to record the entire argument and make up we did at the hotel. It kept recording until she discovered it while we prepared to sleep.

"I didn't record out of respect for his privacy, but we slept on the same bed. Don't worry, we're pure and innocent, I like him too much to rush into things. Something I wish you did see was him whispering goodnight to me."

You sly worm, I thought.

I was reaching the end. I saw the videos of us baking and drawing together after the trip, and heard her speak about how much fun she was having. She, too, was anticipating our next outing together.

The videos stopped there. I paused the latest video and looked down at my shirt. It was wet, covered in droplets. My hands moved to my face and I realized I had been crying, not knowing for how long. I had immersed myself into the reality of the past, and felt melancholic when I returned to the present.

Was this how she felt, every time? Yet, she still had the courage to pull through it. I needed that same courage if I was going to get her back. Then we can watch these videos together.

"One of the best things in life is being able to reminisce about the good days without missing them, just remember that you were a part of them."
I repeated that in my head.