PTSD

When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my mom was by my side. Where was Mona? I was so sure that was Mona, who was there by my side and what was she trying to say? I tried to stand up but my body was so weak.

“Mom,…” I don’t know how to ask so I stopped.

“What my dear? Is there any problem? Tell me! Your silence scared me”

“It was a kind of flashes of memories that made my head pain and keep spinning, I saw Mina and a man or two men…..was so pain…arg it starts again”

“Did you take your medicine?”

“No!, I felt tired whatever I took the medicine”.

“You shouldn’t stop taking it, it will make you feel worse. Now! Stop thinking, it was just a dream. Close your eyes and sleep”

“but….”I saw my mom’s eyes brimming with tears, which she secretly wiped away at one point so I stopped asking. I was hurt to see my mom sad and worried about me. But I believe my mom was hiding something and must relate to them “Go back to have a rest Mom, you look so tired”

“No, I want to be by your side”

“I will be okay and I want to sleep for a while” I pleaded

“If you need anything just call me. I will always be ready for you”

“Ok mom”

My mom kissed my forehead and headed to the door. I closed my tired eyes but had flashes of memories again and I shouted due to the pain. The doctor rushed and checked on me, I pushed away the doctor but I was pressed down hard enough by nurses which made me unable to move then the doctor took a syringe that contained fluid. It was needled with a gauge of 20 or 22G and a length of 1 or 1.5 inches injected directly into my muscle. Suddenly I felt relaxed and fell asleep. I woke up and felt thirsty so I walked out of the room and there wasn’t anyone even the nurses were seen nowhere. I heard a noise so I went slowly to where the sound was. It was a guy wearing a patient’s shirt hitting the water dispenser. I walked near him to give him help but he turned to me fiercely. I was taken aback and gave him an excuse to leave but he grabbed my hand painfully which caused me to push his hand off and fall off. He got nearer and I crawled in a backward direction, found a correct position to give him a kick on his stomach, and ran. He was chasing after me. I ran to the end of a corner, but there was nowhere out so I surrendered. I saw Johnny and Mina, I screamed and waved when they looked at me but they walked away till disappeared into thin air. More patients, nurses, and even doctors were coming in my direction but stopped when they were almost near, they just stood and looked at me unmoved which scared me. I tried to take a step forward but I couldn’t move. Then I chant a mantra by hoping they will disappear. They started to turn black smoke but reappeared with a fiercer look. I kept chanting Tara Mantra “OM TARA TUTTARE TURE SOHA” All of them disappeared turning into black smoke one by one. I waited for the best time to escape but I couldn’t move. I kept on chanting “OM TARA TUTTARE TURE SOHA”. Finally, I could move. I moved quickly down from side to side of the stairs but a man wearing a patient’s shirt caught me, and all of them reappeared and strangled me till I suffocated and woke up. It was a nightmare!

The doctor came in and saw me hide under the bed and asked, “Seems like you didn’t have a good sleep last night”

“Indeed, a bad dream! I kept having a flash of memories. Whatever I tried to recall my memory for three years my head would pain”

“Based on MRI, we did not detect any abnormal brain activity. After checking, we noticed that 3 years ago you had been admitted to this hospital together with a man and a girl from a car accident and had a mid-traumatic brain injury. It could be post-traumatic amnesia that causes temporary loss of memory that can last from a few minutes to several weeks or months but rarely 3 years but your case may be dissociative amnesia. You may suppress your specific memories to block the traumatic event. I would recommend you to seek professional help to overcome your trauma”

“May I know the name of the girl and the boy who were sent to this hospital together with me 3 years ago?”

“Based on the record, named Mina and Johnny”

I cried uncontrollably and vented my anger by punching the single crank bed with my hands. The doctor tried to cool me down. After a while of crying, I brushed away my tears and said “Thanks, doctor. Since my MRI did not detect any abnormal brain activity, can I be discharged today”

“Yes, our nurse will help with this process. They will deliver the discharge paper to you. If there is nothing else, I can help with, please excuse me”

“Thank Doctor”

After being discharged from the hospital, I was about to make a phone call back home to tell my mom about my discharge. I received a message from my mom. I know you are suffering now but you kept saying you are okay just to make me feel okay. I have saved Joanna’s phone number in your contact. If you need help please go to her, She was your therapist who diagnosed you have PTSD 3 years ago. The medicine that I asked to take is given by Joanna for treating your PTSD.

I put my phone aside then I tried to search for old news that may reported three years ago accident. But I couldn’t find the news. Thus, I went to Joanna, she was my therapist so I believe she knew what was going on. I told her all the problems that I face now. “I don’t remember what happened three years ago. I can’t ask my mom. I’m scared. Could you help me”

She put my report aside and said “No worries, I will help you, Step by step.”

I nod my head and I put my trust in her “Shall we start now?”

“Did you stop taking the medicine as prescribed?”

“Sometimes I didn’t feel well after taking so sometimes I stopped”

“The medicine is to control your PTDS”

“I know but just-”

“Make you feel uncomfortable as it makes you look crazy for taking the medicine?”

“Ya”

“We start over step by step”

“Ok”

“We will start with cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) followed by exposure therapy and then Narrative Exposure Therapy (Net), etc. I will explain to you near future”

We have done the question and answer. I was told that my condition had worsened because of not taking the medicine as told. Meeting Mona who may be related to the incident triggered my mental state. She customized my treatment based on the issue that I was addressing.

“That is for today. At this moment, try to do something to distract yourself from thinking, and don’t forget to eat the medicine”.