THE TRUTH?

Attended the class as usual, and I was 30 minutes early again. I was alone in the classroom so I planned to take a cheeky nap but was disturbed by a call. It was Lena’s mom who called to scold me for causing her daughter to be emotionally disabled since the day I broke up with her. What I had to do was to listen and keep on apologizing.

“Are you ok, I heard you were admitted to the hospital?”

I looked up and saw it was Leslie, “Ya, I'm fine.”

Her one word, Are you ok? Made me feel better after what has happened in these few days. I could no longer hold my tear so I rested my head on a table to avoid Leslie seeing me crying.

I tried to hold my snotty sound while crying. Suddenly I heard a music box song and it turned out to be Leslie playing it then I saw she stood up and walked away while I was still resting my head on my table. Is she trying to cheer up me? When did she become so nice to me?

A moment later.

Someone knocked on my table and said “How do you feel?”

I raised my head and it was Mona. I was so happy to see her and I wanted to know the truth “Mona, please tell me what was going on. I forgot everything and suspected it to be dissociative amnesia. I begged you”

“It was a nightmare; I'm scared you won’t be able to overcome”

“Even if it was a nightmare, I want to know. I kept seeing Johnny, and Mina. I’m only able to remember some parts like...arguing…at the pub. But that was impossible as I hate pubs so I will never go to this kind of place” I kept hitting my head so that I could recall more.

“Please stop hitting, I will tell you everything” Mona finally said “It was a nightmare. Back 3 years ago, we were in a relationship. Johnny really wants to drink for the night at the pub and you want to blow off steam after the final exam. Thus, we went to the pub to celebrate Johnny’s 19th birthday and he even planned to propose marriage to Mina. We were very drunk that night. You insisted on driving us back and losing control of the car which caused the accident. The accident took away Johnny and Mina’s life. Your mom started to hate and blamed me for the cause of the accident even begging me to break up with you. The accident drifted us apart”

“That means I have been hallucinating constantly over these three years. Seeing Johnny and Mina are just hallucination?”

“To be honest, I have been seeing you talking to the air. Probably due to PTSD. I heard you got into PTSD and were admitted to emergency for suicide attempt. After that you were meeting with a therapist for 6 months after the accident”

I looked at my waist, I always wondered why I had these scars on my waist so this was the reason why I got those.

she continued “After that, I changed to my current university and never thought we would meet again. I have tried to avoid you but…fate brings us back together again I guess.”

After hearing those, my head started to pain and memories kept flashing back. My memory seemed to regain slowly. My heart was broken into pieces after knowing I was the one who caused the death of my best friend and I took my bag and left the class.

“Where are you going?” asked Leslie

I just walked away as I just wanted to be alone. Mona followed, and I shouted, "Could you please leave me alone?”

Mona hugged me and said “3 years ago, I left you. I thought leaving you was the best for you but I was wronged. This time, I won’t leave you alone”

We went to an Oreed Island a place where my dad, who used to bring me there. Since it became a hiding place for me.

I do not know how long I had been crying and Mona had been by my side for the whole day.

“Are you ok?”

“ya, better especially by your side. I need to go back as my mom is waiting for me”

“Are you sure you can get back home by yourself?” She asked with a worried voice, obviously anxious.

“I’m OK, I will give you a call once I reach home safely so don’t worry”

“Okay, have a good rest, Oh yeah, please do not let your mom know that you have regained your memories and met me. I'm scared she can’t handle it as she has gone through so much.”

“Thank you for reminding” I hugged and kissed her goodbye.

I reached home and I sent a simple message to Mona that I reached home safely. Tried to enter to my house but my house gate was constantly blocked by my neighbor 2 lots down the street. She frequently parked her car in front of my gate, preventing me from opening the gate. I went to her house and rang the doorbell. She opened the door and walked out of her house

“hi, I’m living down the stre” She went back to her house without letting me finished my sentence. I rang her doorbell again but no response. I tried to be polite and sensible but I was ignored.

I was so pissed off and couldn't control my anger so I kicked her house gate and I even shouted “Move your car or else I will call the police over!”

Then the lady rushed out and stared at me. She got herself into the car. She honk her car at me and sweared foul language at me.

Then I kicked her car but I missed it as drove away. I yelled and throw things here and there. Other  neighbours went out of their houses and kept on looking at me. My mom rushed out of the house and asked what happened. I pretended nothing happened in front of my mom but my eyes were swollen which caused my mom to keep asking what happened.

Finally, I gave in and apologized “I remembered everything and I am sorry for my action that caused you to suffer for these 3 years”

“The past is in the past so let it be” My mom broke into tears.

I wipe my mom's tears off with my hand “Mom, it is ok. Everything will be fine as you said the past is in the past so let it be. Let’s start over”.

My mom nodded. Before I went to my room, Mom stopped me and handed over the medicine.

“What is this for?” I tried to hold my tears from dripping “To stop myself from having hallucinations?”

My mom remained silent and pulled me in for a hug. This hug made me vulnerable and it was a perfect sense that made my skin hunger take over, and recall the fond memories of my mom comforting me.

“I will take it before bed” I took the bottle of medicine from my mom and closed my room door to prepare for bed, I saw a bloody man sitting on my bed and shouted “Give back my life” Then I ran to the door but a lady grabbed my hand. It turned out to be mina and even said the same sentence. I covered my mouth with my hands as I almost shouted in fear. I kept apologizing for my wrongdoing but they didn’t accept it and even strangled me. I was out of breath and I woke up gasping for air. It turned out to be a bad dream.

I went out to the kitchen to have a glass of water and saw living room's light was on so I went living room to off the light but I saw my mom through the window, She was talking to our neighbours so I walked near the door to listen to what they were talking about. I kept hearing my mom apologize for my actions that disturbed them sleeping. I felt so guilty for my actions that caused my mom to bear my action. I rushed to my room after I saw Mom coming to the house. I do not want my mom to see me.

 My tears kept dripping after hearing, Johnny shout “You caused it. The world will be peaceful without you. You little brat”

“Do you know why I dumped you? It is because you are a brat! brat! brat!” shouted Mina

Both of them kept shouting “BRAT!”

Even when I put on my earphones, I was still able to hear them shouted you are a brat. I look at the bottle of the pill, that was the only way to calm me down. Thus, I took one of the pills in the bottle that my mom gave me. I climbed up my bed and wrapped myself in a blanket, as usual, to help me sleep better.